Recap / Strong Bad Email E 190 Licensed

Numba one bargain!

Airdate: Monday, February 19, 2008

Sender: Pilmple-Faced Bill from receiving

Strong Bad: (singing) Save the gross stuff up at the back of your throat, and hock it at an unsuspecting email.

"Pilmple-Faced Bill from Receiving" ("Hey, I paid that pilmple-faced bill months ago! You gotta tell grody Blackhead-Flaced Janice from accounting to update her records!") asks Strong Bad a burning question: if Strong Bad and The Cheat have become so famous recently, why is there a lack of officially-licensed Strong Bad and The Cheat products? For his answer, Strong Bad argues that licensed merchandise isn't much of a sign of fame; Biscuitdoughhandsman apparently "licensed his likeness to a paper towel company years ago, and no one knows who the crap he is."

Lady: Get this, Vera! It's exorbitantly absorbent!

Strong Bad: Shut up, lady!

According to Strong Bad, the true sign of fame is when people start putting out unlicensed knock-off merchandise. In fact, he and The Cheat even have an application process for becoming "an officially licensed unlicensed seller of Strong Bad and The Cheat knock-offs!" The main requirements are as follows:

1. The products should be manufactured in a country that's "changed names five times since I was in seventh grade".
2. The products should be sold out of a trench coat or off a dirty blanket.
3. The products should be advertised as a "Numba one bargain!"
4. The products should feature Strong Bad and/or The Cheat with human noses.

Strong Bad has quite a list of official unofficial licensees, including:

• Off-model murals painted on the walls of shady day care centers, such as "Papa Cardgage's Puddin' Patch".
• Direct-to-DVD knock-offs of popular animated movies.
  Strong Bad: Y'know, the kind they put right next to the check-out line, so Grandma might accidentally mistake it for the real thing. And they have titles like "The Secret Princess and Her Oppressive Authority Figure 4" and the always popular "Jungle Animals in Decidedly Non-Jungle Situations".
• Novelty confections, from a box of marshmallow "The Cheets", to a "gel-ular" pop from "Strong Badge: The Movie" to the "spinning Strong Bad sugar toothbrush".

Just then, Coach Z comes in with a legit-looking Strong Bad piñata apparently purchased from "unlicensed unlicensed seller" Bubs. Strong Bad and The Cheat rush over to the Concession Stand, interrupting an illicit deal between Bubs and Pom Pom.

Strong Bad: What's up with that trench coat, Bubs?
Bubs: Oh, uh...I'm a public flasher!
Strong Bad: Yeah, right! You ain't got no nudity under there! Open 'er up!
Bubs: Okay, okay, you got me! (opens the trench coat and displays the merchandise)
Strong Bad: Just as I suspected! Totally legit looking stuff! Where are the human noses? The misspellings? The choking hazards?
Bubs: That's the kind of stuff I usually sell at the concession stand. This is the black market, man!
Strong Bad: So, wait a minute. Your shady bootleg operation peddles quality goods, while your legal store front sells dangerous crap?
Bubs: Exactly! I got a repatation to uphold!

Strong Bad eventually gets Bubs to shut down his operation (but not before confiscating two cases of ferret ointment, which will allegedly make The Cheat "swell up like a balloon"). And the operation wasn't shut down just because Bubs was selling unlicensed unlicensed merchandise:

Strong Bad: Guess what all those piñatas were full of... Homestar?
(Zoom out to reveal Homestar, whose face is covered in gruesome cuts and shards of glass.)
Homestar: (singing) Broken glass, broken glass, broken glass, broken glass!
(New Paper comes down.)

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Tropes:

• Abandoned Playground: Papa Cardgage's Puddin' Patch. Senor Cardgage seems to be the only person there.
• Black Market: Bubs sells "unlicensed unlicensed" merchandise on the black market, but it's an unusual twist.
  Strong Bad: Your shady bootleg operation peddles quality goods, while your legal store front sells dangerous crap?
  Bubs: Exactly. I got a repatation to uphold!
• Captain Ersatz: Senor Cardgage's rendition of The Cheat looks suspiciously similar to Winnie the Pooh, complete with honeypot. There's also an unrelated Muppet-esque character on the other side of the building. Both these examples are, of course, intentionally obvious to drive Strong Bad's point home.
• Chalk Outline: One is drawn outside of Senor Cardgage's daycare center.
• Coat Full of Contraband: The second requirement to sell licensed unlicensed Strong Bad products is to sell your merch either off a dirty blanket or out of a trench-coat. Bubs also wears a coat when in his illicit dealing mode.
• Continuity Nod:
  • Strong Bad mentions that Biscuitdoughhandsman has licensed his likeness to a paper towel company. The ensuing Cutaway Gag features an appearance by the "Shut Up!" Lady from "bottom 10".
  • When The Cheat gets inflated by the ferret ointment, Homestar once again mistakes him for an "ugly bird".
• Do Wrong, Right: Strong Bad is angry about Bubs selling legit merch.
• Embarrassing Cover Up: When caught selling unlicensed unlicensed Strong Bad merch, Bubs claims he's wearing a trench coat because "I'm a public flasher!", but Strong Bad sees right through his excuse.
• Facial Horror: Homestar finds out the hard way Bubs' piñatas are full of broken glass.
• Inflating Body Gag: The ferret ointment is said to make The Cheat swell up like a balloon. An Easter egg shows the post-ointment The Cheat floating through the air. Homestar once again mistakes The Cheat for an ugly bird.
• Irony: Bubs' black market business sells high quality normal products while his "legitimate" business deals with shady products.
• Made in Country X: Strong Bad's first requirement to be a fully "licensed unlicensed seller" is that the products' country of origin has "changed [its] name five times since [he] was in seventh grade".
• Major Injury Underreaction: Despite getting a faceful of broken glass from one of Bubs' piñatas, Homestar insists "That junk was still my best birthdays ever!"
• The Mockbuster: Another of Strong Bad's favorite licensees is "slight variations on slightly animated kids' movies" like "The Secret Princess and Her Oppressive Authority Figure 4" and "Jungle Animals in Decidedly Non-Jungle Situations". The latter bears the tagline "So Straight to DVD it Hurts".
• Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant: Senor Cardgage, as tenant of Papa Cardgage's Puddin' Patch, seems to sit around singing creepy nursery rhymes to himself.
  [Singing] Where is Tompkins? Where is coleslaw? Here I am...
• No Product Safety Standards: The "sugar toothbrush" is essentially a Strong Bad-shaped candy on a (sharp!) screwdriver bit. Bubs seems to subvert this with his legitimate products, but his ferret ointment is said to cause an allergic reaction to The Cheat, and his piñatas are full of broken glass.
• The Noseless: Lampshaded by Strong Bad as the final requirement of licensed unlicensed products; either he or the cheat needs to be depicted with noses that they normally lack.
• Parental Neglect: Strong Bad can't wait to leave his potential future kids at Papa Cardgage's Puddin' Patch on his way to the dog tracks.
• Product Placement: The Strong Bad beanie cap◊ in Bubs' trenchcoat was, at one time, an officially-available product.
• Rhetorical Question Blunder: When Strong Bad asks Coach Z where he got the Strong Bad piñata.
  Coach Z: Bubs!
  Strong Bad: Bubs?!
  Coach Z: Yeah, he's the fella that runs the concession stand—
• Shoddy Knockoff Product: Strong Bad seems to prefer people making crappy, off-model knock-offs over "totally legit-looking stuff".
• Shout-Out: The marshmallow Cheets are based off of the popular Easter "Peeps" candies.

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Homestar: That junk was still my best birthdays ever.

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(Cut to the Field, where Homestar is standing with broken glass stuck to his face. The Cheat, swollen up like a balloon, floats by in the background.)
Homestar: (singing) Ugly bird, ugly bird, ugly bird, ugly bird!