Recap / Farscape S 02 E 13 Look At The Princess The Maltese Crichton

Season 2, Episode 13:

Look at the Princess, part 3: The Maltese Crichton

After the wedding party has wrapped up, the remaining members of Moya's crew survey the petrified figures of the newlyweds and discuss the future: as Scorpius will soon be banished from the planet, Chiana and D'Argo are free to leave as soon as Moya arrives; Rygel, however, has decided to remain behind to act as an advisor. Meanwhile, Crichton and Katralla have eighty years of government to observe, but are allowed to converse with visitors via psychic headsets; Crichton's shipmates use this to ensure that Crichton is alive and sane, and to say goodbye. That evening, Prince Clavor returns to the senate chamber where the statues are kept, throwing a royal temper tantrum and attempting to topple Crichton's statue with his bare hands. Cargn, as always the smarter of the two, simply draws a laser and decapitates the statue with one swing. However, this apparently isn't enough: as long as Crichton's head remains in its petrified state, it can be reattached to his body without any harm done to him. So Clavor and Cargn take the head to a foundry and dump it in a vat of acid.

However, after a scene where Empress Novia rages at this desecration of the future rulers, we find that the head is still intact three arns later—after all, the substance of Crichton's new body was designed to withstand over eighty cycles of airborne corrosives, making his head more than resilient enough to survive the acids until someone can rescue it. Unfortunately, that somebody is Scorpius, who's been tracking down Crichton via a DNA sample taken during his time in the Aurora Chair, and though he can't retrieve the rest of Crichton's body, he can extract the wormhole knowledge easily enough from the severed head. However, just as he's about to make off with the head, an unseen attacker zaps him with a stun-gun. It turns out to be Jenavian, once again there to save Crichton's life: she reattaches his head to his body, undoes the petrification and hurries him away.

Meanwhile, Aeryn is enjoying her mountain-climbing expedition as little as possible: quite apart from the fact that Dregon refuses to stop hitting on her, it turns out that his rank of mountaineering expert was gained at the training facility and not outdoors. Even worse, he reveals this fact by having a vertigo attack while halfway up a cliff; Aeryn takes this in stride up until her idiotic partner grabs her leg instead of her hand and accidentally sends the two of them plummeting to the ground. They manage to survive, though Aeryn's leg is broken and Dregon is incapable of walking at all, and they begin to make their very slow and painful way back to civilisation on foot.

Even further away, Moya and Pilot are dead, and Zhaan is left trying to operate Crichton's module. However, she's not trying to leave with it; instead, when Kahaynu approaches her, she puts its engine in reverse. As the engine begins to vacuum Kahaynu to death, Zhaan demands that he restore Moya's life, but he refuses, and is apparently killed. However, not too long afterwards, he reappears no worse for wear, and casually restores the life of both Moya and Pilot: apparently, the decommissioning was just a test for Zhaan. As the only one aboard at the time, she was technically the commander of her vessel, and if Zhaan wished, she could use Moya as a factory for entire fleets of warships, but now the Builders have determined that she's more responsible than that, enough to defend the Leviathan from those who would exploit her.

Back down on the Royal Planet, Crichton has been taken to a hidden camp somewhere beyond the palace. There, Jenavian questions him at length; she's done the math, and now realises that he's not a Peacekeeper operative as she thought—meaning that he knows too much about her and must be killed to maintain her cover. However Crichton manages to talk her down, and they enjoy a romantic night in the wilderness together. Jenavian lends him her concealed stun-gun, knowing that he'll almost certainly need it when he returns to the palace.

Unfortunately, back at the palace, things are worsening by the minute: the Empress is threatening to have all off-worlders executed if Crichton isn't found, as she can't determine who was responsible for decapitating or reconstituting him. Unable to find Crichton even with the DNA tracker, Scorpius once again seeks out D'Argo's help, and is halfway through the introductory bargaining when he's cut off by the arrival of Cargn; suspecting that Crichton has been spirited away by his shipmates, the Scarran emissary tortures D'Argo for his whereabouts, but all he learns is that Chiana might know. To Cargn's mounting frustration, Chiana turns out to be just as clueless as everyone else, and on top of that, his political position is on the verge of total collapse: though Prince Clavor is now guaranteed to replace his sister now that the royal couple has been divided, the Empress won't let him do so until he renounces all ties to his Scarran backers and allows Cargn to be executed. In other words, the Puppet King will ascend to the throne, but the Breakaway Colonies remain free of the Scarran Imperium. With his mission in tatters and nothing to show for it but one captive Nebari, Cargn takes the time to fry Clavor to death before hurrying back to the foundry with Chiana in tow.

In the final showdown, D'Argo teams up with Scorpius to take down Cargn. However Scorpius is apparently overwhelmed by the heat, and Cargn is too strong for D'Argo to defeat alone. Instead, Crichton arrives just in time to save the day, shooting the Scarran ambassador a few hundred times with the stun-gun and kicking him into the acid vat, while D'Argo does a dramatic save of Chiana just as she's about to fall into the acid. He carries her to safety, leaving Crichton to finish off Scorpius. However when Crichton tries to do so, he finds that he simply can't; he can only shove the hybrid against the side of the vat and warn him to leave them alone, or he won't be so lucky the next time. As soon as Crichton's hurried out the room, Scorpius calmly rises without showing any sign of his previous frailty, dips his fingers into the acid, and strolls leisurely away.

The Epilogue reveals that it's time for Crichton to be remade into a statue; though reluctant to experience the painful transformation again, the Empress once again uses a single piece of information to get Crichton to agree to her demands: Katralla is pregnant with his child, having been artificially inseminated before the petrification—just to make sure that the future of the dynasty wasn't left to chance. Firmly believing that a child deserves two parents, Crichton agrees to be made into a statue, but Tyno reveals that stepping into the machine again will kill Crichton this time. So, the Empress, Councillor Tyno and Crichton devise a plan: Tyno, being Katralla's lover, will take Crichton's place. As nobody outside the royal family know who Crichton really is or was, this will be kept secret from the rest of the Empire.

The episode ends aboard Moya, with Crichton and Aeryn trying out two of the comparability-test vials...resulting in a very happy smile from Aeryn.

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Tropes present in this episode include:

• Abhorrent Admirer: Dregon kicks his credentials in this field into overdrive by almost getting Aeryn killed... then, once they've found help, asking her if they can go on another date sometime.
• Acid Pool: Crichton's dismembered head is dumped into a vat of foundry acid; luckily being a statue at the time means he doesn't suffer any damage from the acid. Later Chiana is Bound and Gagged and almost lowered into the same vat by Cargn. It's Laser-Guided Karma when he ends up in the acid instead.
• And I Must Scream: Though the petrified royal couple can lessen their experience of this trope via the psychic headsets, Crichton experiences the full version after being decapitated—to the point that as soon as Jenavian gives him a headset, he screams in delayed panic.
• Armor-Piercing Response: As Crichton refuses to go through the statue process again, Novia proves surprisingly understanding to his concerns, but she has a final card to play.
  Novia: However, if you're the kind of man that would walk away from his own child, we would not want you to rule.
• Asshole Victim: Clavor. Lampshaded by Crichton, which gets his face slapped. Again.
• Better as Friends: After their night of passion, Jenavian offers a test vial to Crichton, but he just says he knows they're not compatible. She tosses away the vial without taking offense.
• Beautiful Singing Voice: Kahaynu enables Moya to speak one last time, as she wished to speak directly to Zhaan.
  Moya: Zhaan... one request.
  Zhaan: Anything, Moya.
  Moya: Sing!
• Big Damn Kiss
  • Dregon gives Aeryn a classic Gone with the Wind kiss which she actually doesn't mind—but that's before Dregon proves to be a wussy moron.
  • At the end of the episode, Crichton complains about Aeryn giving him the Silent Treatment. Her response is to wordlessly offer the kiss test vial to him. They share a lingering kiss, step apart with poker faces...then both smile.
• Bittersweet Ending: A largely happy one as Katralla and Tyno are finally allowed to be together, Crichton makes it off the planet alive and his relationship with Aeryn seems to be taking a step forward. On the bitter side of things: Crichton now has a child he'll never get to know and Scorpius is still out there pursuing him.
• Bookends: The trilogy begins and ends with Crichton and Aeryn kissing in his module.
• Bullying a Dragon: As the situation worsens, Clavor's treatment of Cargn descends to the borderline abusive; his final and most idiotic mistake is to tell Cargn—to his face—that their alliance is officially over. And of course, he pays for it with his life.
• Chekhov's Gun: Because the Empress sealed the information about Crichton (to hide the fact that he was a human offworlder) in the first episode, Tyco is able to take his place.
• Cooperation Gambit: Scorpius tells D'Argo that as they're both trapped unarmed on a planet where the Empress is threatening to execute them if Crichton isn't found, it's in their mutual interest to work together to find him. When Cargn intervenes, Scorpius offers him a similar deal, but Cargn would rather take his chances on getting to Chiana (whom he thinks knows Crichton's whereabouts) before Scorpius does. So Scorpius teams up with D'Argo to kill Cargn and rescue Chiana. Subverted when he feigns weakness so D'Argo and Crichton have to do most of the fighting.
• Crocodile Tears: Jenavian weeps over the body of her dead fiancé, even though his death means that the Scarran scheme has failed. Rygel is weeping as well...because the Empress intends to have all outworlders executed to Make an Example of Them for murdering her son, even though the manner of death clearly shows the culprit.
• Cutting the Knot: Prince Clavor is ranting over how his scheme to take the throne has failed, when Cargn just cuts off Crichton's head with a laser.
• Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Zhaan, yet again demonstrating her facility with Beware the Nice Ones, sucks Kahaynu into the engine of John's module, (apparently) killing him.
• Distress Ball: Chiana ends up being tortured by Cargn off-screen, then held hostage, chained up and gagged above a vat of boiling acid.
• Dumb Ass Has A Point: Dregon's speech to Aeryn about emotional pain is easily the deepest thing he says in all three episodes.
• Earn Your Happy Ending: After three episodes of political intrigue, assassination attempts, impending executions, and barely-averted all out war with billions of lives hanging in the balance, the story ends with one of the good days. Tyno will take Crichton's place as Katralla's husband, since Katralla was already artificially inseminated with John's seed. They get to be married and live and rule happily together, and John's daughter will have parents he knows are good people he can trust. The Scarrans attempts to secure the Breakaway Colonies are blocked, and Scorpius is off Moya's tail (for now). The Builders are content that Moya's crew will look after her and breed no more gunships. And finally, Aeryn kept one of the "kissing liquid" vials, and she and John share a kiss with it. We aren't told what they experience, but they both look very pleased by the result, hinting at the future awaiting them at the end of the road. And presumably, with Clavor dead, Jenavian's assignment is at an end and she'll go on to her next adventure as a Disrupter. The only downside is Crichton has a daughter he'll never know, as she won't even be born for another eighty cycles.
• Eating the Eye Candy: Even after Losing Your Head, Crichton can't help admiring how hot Jenavian looks in her dress.
• Energy Weapon: Cargn uses a Laser Cutter hidden in his clothing to decapitate the Crichton statue. Jena has one concealed in her brooch that she uses to stun Scorpius, and then gives it to Crichton so he can defend himself.
• Everyone Has Standards: Crichton had no interest in undergoing the statue process again, despite all the political matters involved, but then he's told that Katralla is pregnant with his child. He immediately demands they start the process, but Tyno explains that he'll die if they try it again. Crichton laments that he won't live long enough to be there for them and regrets leaving his child behind.
• Evil Gloating:
  • Clavor decides to do a bit of this to Crichton's severed head before he shoves it into the acid.
    I know you can hear me, Crichton, and I know you're scared. Our laws state that a couple must rule together. That's why the crown must soon pass to me, because you can't rule with one little head!
  • Scorpius does the same when he pulls the head out, but quickly shuts up when he realises he's not alone. He's then stunned by Jenavian, who's heard enough to realise that Scorpius is hunting John, not working with him.
• Fake Weakness: Scorpius plays up his heat vulnerability and fear of the acid pit, leaving the heroes under the impression that he's dying when they leave him behind so they won't finish him off. He then waits for them to leave the room, dips his fingers in the acid just because he can, and calmly walks away.
• Femme Fatale Spy: Jenavian doesn't let fears of "irreversible contamination" stop her from seducing Crichton to help sway him to her side, even after discovering he's not a Sebacean. Then again, it's doubtful the Special Directorate cares much about rules that mere grunts like Aeryn had to follow.
• Foreshadowing: Before he can kill Scorpius, Crichton is strangely compelled to hesitate. We then again see the clip of Scorpy injecting him with something.
• Gambit Pileup: This episode is the culmination of the pileup that's been building since the crew arrived on the Royal Planet (and even before):
  • Empress Novia wants Katralla on the throne because she'll be a better leader than Clavor.
  • Katralla wants to be on the throne because she'll be a better leader and its what she's spent her life preparing for.
  • Clavor wants to be on the throne because hey, throne! He's allied with the Scarrans to get it, which means the Scarrans want him on the throne so they can use this mini-empire for their own ends.
  • The Peacekeepers wants anyone but Clavor on the throne, as him handing this neutral power to the Scarrans would be a threat they'd have no choice but to respond to. Jenavian is their agent to see this come about.
  • Scorpius doesn't give a dren who's on the throne or what happens in this dinky little backwater, he just wants Crichton's wormhole knowledge.
  • The crew of Moya are trapped in this weirdness and just trying to get out without getting too badly bruised in the process, though Rygel is interested in setting himself up as a valuable advisor to the Empress.
  • Once Crichton is defaced and then goes missing, it's a forgone conclusion Clavor will take the throne, but the Empress insists he officially (and really) renounce all ties to the Scarrans before she'll let that happen. This results in Clavor's demise and Scarran ambassador Cargn becoming a wild card.
• Girl of the Week: Straight and Gender-Inverted: Dregon and Jenavian respectively for Aeryn and John. Seems a bit unfair that John gets laid and Aeryn gets to drag Dregon back to civilisation on a broken leg.
• Half-Breed Discrimination: Cargn considers it an honor to meet D'Argo due to the Luxan Proud Warrior Race reputation, then he goes out of his way to call Scorpius a "biological mistake."
• He Knows Too Much: Jenavian connecting the dots.
  Jenavian: The data scan listed John Crichton as non-Sebacean. So, if you're not Sebacean, you're not Peacekeeper. If you're not Peacekeeper you're not Special Directorate. If you're not Special Directorate, you can't be a Disrupter. And if you're not a Disrupter. . . (pops her wrist stiletto and holds it at his throat) then you know too much about me.
• Hoist by His Own Petard: Cargyn is killed when John kicks him into the vat of acid that he was threatening to drop Chiana into.
• Hold Your Hippogriffs: Aeryn says "For the love of Chilnack!" on finding out Dregon lied about his climbing experience. Jena "couldn't give a crag's ass" about anything but her job.
• I Choose to Stay: The episode opens with Rygel stating he wants to remain on the Royal Planet, to be an advisor to Empress Novia and eventually Crichton and Katralla (and, given some of his other dialogue, potentially becoming the power behind the throne). At the end, Rygel chooses to leave with the rest of Moya's crew. Whether this is because the Empress threatened to kill offworlders when Crichton's head went missing, because without Crichton as Regent Rygel's influence may be limited, or because without at least one friend with him Rygel is less interested in power isn't stated.
• Invulnerable Knuckles: Averted when Clavor tries to punch Crichton's statue. Cargn is amused by the symbolism.
• I Warned You: Right before Cargn kills Clavor, he reminds him that he'd threatened this earlier if he tried to back out of their deal.
• Karmic Death: Lampshaded when Crichton kicks Cargn into the acid pool. "You dumped me in the acid, so let's see how you like it!"
• Literally Shattered Lives: The statues of previous royal couple have occasionally been shattered in accidents, but as they can be easily put back together, this hasn't been much of a problem. Clavor recalls that his great-grandfather was broken in half when an earthquake collapsed the senate building, but was easily reassembled and survived with only "a severe limp."
• The Main Characters Do Everything: After coming back from the dead, Crichton rushes off to rescue Chiana without using his authority as Regent to order a squad of palace guards to accompany him.
• Meaningful Name: The name of the man pursuing Aeryn is Dregon Karsenova.
• My God, What Have I Done?: Zhaan immediately after killing Kahaynu. She breaks down, horrified that she actually went through with her threat to Kill the God if he didn't listen to her. Probably what really counts as passing the Secret Test of Character: Zhaan demonstrates that she doesn't like violence or want to resort to it, but if Moya is threatened she absolutely will, making her a perfect custodian for an inherently peaceful Leviathan that can breed Leviathan gunships. She won't use that capability herself, and can and will fight to the death to stop anyone else from doing so.
  Zhaan: Dear Goddess. . . in my rage, what have I done?
• New Child Left Behind: Crichton is forced to do this, though he at least ensures that Katralla has a husband and that his unborn child has a father.
• Noisy Nature: The screeching of alien seabirds is dubbed over the location scenes, so the audience won't think Claudia Black and Aaron Cash are climbing up Sydney Heads instead of the Devastator Reefs. Similar noises are heard when Jena warns Crichton that the wildlife is carnivorous, so he'd better stay in her camp overnight (not that she's trying to seduce him or anything).
• No Sympathy: With her own leg in a splint, Aeryn has no patience with Dregon's moaning as she's dragging him on an improvised travois across rough ground.
  Aeryn: I know. It hurts. (Dregon whimpers affirmatively) Do you want it to not hurt? (Dregon whimpers affirmatively again) Well, next time...hold on to the FRELLING WALL!
• Over-the-Shoulder Carry: Cargn turns up with Chiana draped over his shoulders like hunter with a deer. When Clavor annoys him, he tosses her onto the ground like he's shrugging off a cloak.
• Plot Hole: Empress Novia could have just asked Katralla for the identity of those who stole Crichton's head, and later put him back together, as she was standing right next to him as a statue on both occasions.
• Pre-Mortem One-Liner
  Cargn: I have one final question for you, duplicitous Prince Clavor.
  Clavor: What? (turns to catch Cargn's heat breath full in the face)
  Cargn: Do you know, that as promised, I am about to kill you? (Clavor screams as he's burnt alive)
• Properly Paranoid: D'Argo fears that Crichton not killing Scorpius will come back to haunt the crew one day. He's not wrong.
• Rescue Sex: Though that would have happened anyway with Chiana, she's appropriately grateful for D'Argo rescuing her from the acid pool.
• Reverse Polarity: It's not clear how 'reversing' the engine of Crichton's module would turn a Weaponized Exhaust into Weapons That Suck. Reverse thrust means diverting the exhaust stream forwards, not inside the vessel.
• Right Hand Versus Left Hand: Even after finding out he's not a fellow Disrupter or even a Sebacean, Jena has no problem aiding John at the expense of Scorpius if it helps in her mission.
• Running Gag: Crichton gets slapped by a woman again. Even funnier because it's Jenavian faking her grief over Clavor's death.
• Secret Identity Vocal Shift: When Scorpius realises he's not alone with Crichton's head he calls out, "Who's there?" only for the words to be repeated back in a harsh male voice before he's stunned. Turns out it was Jenavian.
• Secret Test of Character: Zhaan's experiences in the past two episodes.
• Shout-Out
  • The title to The Maltese Falcon (1941), which involves murders and scheming in the search for a statue that turns out to be a fake.
  • Impressed by D'Argo's Diving Save of Chiana, Crichton exclaims: "How Batman was that!"
• Skewed Priorities: Averted. When first suggesting they team-up to find Crichton, Scorpius tells D'Argo that obtaining the wormhole knowledge is a lesser concern now that they're facing the possibility of being executed by Novia's forces.
• So Crazy, It Must Be True: Jenavian finally connects the dots and realizes Crichton is not a fellow Special Directorate Disrupter. She's prepared to kill him for knowing too much about her, but he instead lays out the story of how he got into this situation (over the commercial break).
  Jenavian: That is either the most pathetic fabrication I've ever heard, or the most pathetic life I could ever imagine.
• Swiss-Cheese Security: Given that the Royal couple can't even run away from danger, why aren't their statues being guarded 24/7 like any other heir apparent would?
• Taking You with Me: Cargn's scheme has failed and there is no way to escape the planet, so he holds Chiana as The Bait to lure his enemies so he can kill them.
• This Cannot Be!: Crichton's reaction to Novia telling him that Katralla is pregnant with his child. This is attributed to the device from the previous part taking the needed samples in order to ensure an heir would come to be.
• Torture Always Works: Subverted. Cargn's attempt at getting information out of D'Argo only results in a useless lead.
• The Triple: After replacing Crichton's head, Jenavian asks if he can turn his head (yes), speak (yes) and walk (Crichton takes a step and collapses).
• Two-Person Pool Party: Jenavian and Crichton have sex while skinnydipping in the creek.
• Violence Really Is the Answer: In most space opera shows, Zhaan would win the Secret Test of Character by offering to do a Heroic Sacrifice in exchange for Moya's life. In this, however, she proves her worthiness by trying to kill the superbeing who's being an asshole to her.
• We Are as Mayflies: Upon learning Katralla is carrying his child, Crichton agrees to undergo the transmutation process again so that the baby doesn't grow up without a father. When told the process will likely kill him, Crichton bemoans how humans don't live as long as Sebaceans and that he won't get to know his daughter.
• Weaksauce Weakness: Scorpius both craves the heat and can't tolerate it due to his Scarran and Sebacean heritages, respectively. However, it's implied (see Fake Weakness) that his coolsuit successfully minimizes the effect.
• World of Snark
  D'Argo: Have you seen Chiana?
  Rygel: No. Have you tried looking under your sheets?