It's a lesson every hero has to learn some day: just because your enemy is a little on the chubby side doesn't mean he's a pushover. Take, for example, the fighters of today's episode.
Wario, the greedy and repulsive rival to Mario. And King Dedede, the royal nemesis to everybody's favorite pink puffball, Kirby.
Nintendo's avaricious anti-heroes take to the stage in the quinary episode of season six, a pair of yellow-clad buffoons whose gluttony and lust for wealth belie their true martial prowess. Pitting grotesque biology against training and technology is the order of the day, as Wario and King Dedede, some of their respective franchises' headlining figures, now meet in a new arena to represent their worlds and strive for glorious victory in a death battle.
Starting the episode off is the life of Wario, one of the greatest adversaries to the storied hero of the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario. The history between the two runs deeper than expected at a glance; both Mario and Wario were but two of the seven fabled Star Children, born with tremendous amounts of power. Even at this young age, Wario displayed the spiteful temperament and obsession with money that defines his character into the present day. Both Star Children grew up alongside one another, but their relationship grew to become far from amiable; the amusement Mario derived from their childhood games was constantly at Wario's expense, with Mario unaware that Wario felt degraded by being the subject of this supposed mockery. Wario sought revenge upon his fellow Star Child well into adulthood, the first of such endeavors taking shape while Mario was venturing in the distant kingdom of Sarasaland. While its rightful owner was exploring new lands, the private island Mario once called home, and more specifically the castle therein, was besieged by Wario and an assortment of creatures he hypnotized to keep Mario from reclaiming the island. This failed attempt to undermine Mario's success was followed by similar setbacks which ultimately led to Wario's vendetta transitioning more into general disdain and even begrudging respect at times. His fixation for material goods, however, remained all-consuming. The now-mature Star Child would instead set his sights upon a life independent that of Mario's; treasure hunting, globe-trotting adventure, and even developing his own line of video games became sources through which the corpulent scoundrel could accrue income, and in the years since, this perpetual accumulation of riches has become his life's calling.
Whether heading out to parts unknown or managing his own businesses, Wario is never content to be bossed around, not when such a surprisingly athletic physique is condensed into a frame as burly as his. Wario's body is durable to cartoonish extremes in that it takes on different shapes based off the manner by which he is injured and may even gain additional maneuverability from the change; given the assortment of forms he can adapt run the gamut of springs to bats to flat discuses and even excessive obesity, it can be said that there is no limit to which the malleability of his body can be pushed. Over the years, Wario has also acquired a selection of treasures that he can willingly use for a temporary surge of power; most of these are headgear with secondary methods of attack, though his motorbike can serve as another impromptu weapon of sorts, as do the small living explosives deemed Bob-Ombs. Wario's actual powers, meanwhile, are as reliable as his arsenal, if repugnant to match his character. One of the go-to techniques in his repertoire is a dashing tackle that plows anything in his path with the force of his bulky shoulders; another capitalizes on a predisposition to use his enormous teeth to repeatedly gnaw on his foes. That said, if one was to identify Wario's signature attack, one could do much worse than give that honor to the Wario Waft, a volatile burst of naturally accumulated gases, or, phrased by the layman, a gargantuan fart. Despite this assortment of materials, attacks, and even the tremendous power of the Waft, Wario still has one final ace in wait if desperation strikes: he can consume tainted garlic to become Wario-Man, a superhero caricature who has unlimited flight and takes Wario's already immense physical might to greater levels.
The road Wario has taken to establish his place within the Mario mythos is indeed a strange and lengthy one, but it does nothing to diminish the accomplishments by which he proves himself. Over the years, he has triumphed over a menagerie of villains and demonstrated his worth in the process. The fact that the adipose glutton has engaged in battle with Mario in the past is all the more impressive when one is reminded that the Mushroom Kingdom's hero is capable of lifting over 60 million tons and maneuvering at speeds of Mach 375. Thus, Wario should be able to perform feats of comparable scale. One such example of such would be his encounter with the Shake King, the malignant pirate whose defeat at the hands of Wario resulted in an explosion that tore asunder the skies of the Shake Dimension; standing at the epicenter of the Shake King's destruction means Wario was exposed to and withstood 96 sextillion tons of force. Indeed, Wario survives attack that scour of pocket dimensions such as this in his own outings with alarming regularity as a testament to his fortitude. The treasure hunting game tycoon does more than live up to his potential as a Star Child, but for all of his might and merit, Wario is something of an imbecile, more preoccupied with acquiring money than putting his skill to any better use. However, the fact that he continues to hunt for riches wherever they may be found, weaknesses be damned, speaks volumes to how little stands in the way of his committed, if single-minded pursuit, of all that has value in the world.
- Wario: (cackles wildly as he rolls back and forth on the ground)
From Wario, the episode shifts its focus to his upcoming competition, King Dedede. Little is known about this monarch's origins from before his ascension to the throne of Dream Land, but afterwards, he flaunted his position with a hedonistic vigor. The subjects of Dream Land held little respect for him, as well they should for a king whose excessive appetite once caused a food shortage. Still, Dedede's rule over the population of Dream Land stems from a place of benevolence, as most of his actions, famine-inducement aside, originate from seeking to protect his subjects from threats far greater than any within his borders. It would not be until the arrival of the pink spherical creature known as Kirby that Dedede's life would be impacted so drastically. The citizens of Dream Land, and the planet of Pop Star as a whole, became enamored by Kirby's kindness and more straightforward approach to heroism, compared to the dubious morality and selfishness of the ruler that they had become accustomed to. In fact, it would be the notorious famine of Dream Land that heralded the arrival of Kirby. The first encounter between him and Dedede ended with the king being triumphed over and the people's food returned; since then, the two have squared off multiple times, even with the gradually improvement of their rapport with one another. Though he has since developed something of an appreciation for Kirby, Dedede still insists on adhering to the traits which he has demonstrated during his lengthy rule, even the ones that bring him to odds with his pink rival.
Kirby has shaped Dedede over the years since they first met, mostly in how he conducts himself in a fight. Dedede, resentful of Kirby's popularity with his own subjects, aspired to knock the puffball off his pedestal and underwent rigorous training to match his powers. Like Kirby, Dedede achieves flight by inhaling air and propelling himself. This inhalation power can also be weaponized as Dedede can use a suction effect to store and fire bullets of compressed air, or even any hapless individual unfortunate enough to be swallowed by the vaguely avian monarch can then be spat back out. Imitating the signature attacks of his adversary fails to describe the assortment of moves Dedede relies upon, however. Dedede also has an assortment of oversized hammers to call his weapon of choice, some provided through additional sources of power. These mallets possess numerous secondary abilities and the collection of attacks between them include elemental energy, built-in jet engines that amplify the momentum of Dedede's swings, self-duplication, and homing spheres of magic; that said, none of these hammers stands out more than the electric hammer of his Masked Dedede persona. As Masked Dedede, the king's cudgel has a multi-barreled rocket launcher and multiple projectile attack, as well as an overall increase in force. While he has a myriad amount of hammers for a more personal touch in a fight, he also has no shortage of Waddle Dee and Gordo henchmen to call upon for assistance; the latter is notably more formidable, as Gordos are a species covered entirely in spikes and are impervious to any forms of damage.
Dedede has no lack of accomplishments to draw from when gauging his potential in battle, thanks in part to the threats that plague Dream Land and the hero sworn to fight against them. The king has fought Kirby and though he may not have won in these matches, he has at least escaped without facing total obliteration at the pink puffball's nub-like hands. As Kirby can throw punches that fracture the entirety of Pop Star, tantamount in size to a frozen Earth, Dedede regularly pits himself against a foe who packs nearly two octillion tons of force into his strikes; meanwhile, the force that Dedede can inhale and spit objects out with can break the speed of sound 33 times over. Together, the pair have also stood their own against Meta Knight, an enigmatic warrior who can fly so fast as to cross an entire galaxy in seconds, and both even withstood falling into the event horizon and subsequent collapse of a black hole. Regularly being thrust into scenarios of a cosmic level gives the king an edge which puts him above most other characters, but he, too, has his own crippling weaknesses. Like his opponent, Dedede is lacking in heightened intelligence, and while he regularly pits himself against the hero of Dream Land, there is no objective proof that Dedede has survived the full brunt Kirby can bring to bear in a fight. What there is proof of, however, is that the feats and firepower Dedede surrounds himself with is ultimately put to good and proves that, arrogant and envious he may be, his position of king over Dream Land is well and truly earned.
- King Dedede: (angrily yelling into an empty courtyard) There's only one bonafide ruler of Cappy Town, and that's me, King Dedede!
These two all-devouring titans have been studied and prepped for their upcoming showdown. One advertisement for the Blue Apron cooking service later, and now, it's time for a death battle!
Within a castle nestled in the lush greenery of Dream Land, a boxing ring is the focus of its kingdom's eager vassals. Sir Kibbles, Waddle Dees, Chillys, and even creatures from distant lands fill the air with their passionate cheering, their eyes locked upon the combatants in the ring. At the northwest post stands the greedy tycoon Wario, clothed in his alter-ego's pink attire; in the southeast stands the local monarch King Dedede, who dons a menacing mask to match the size of his mallet. As the fighters indulge themselves in showboating to the adoring crowd, a Waddle Doo signals for a cage to be lowered over the ring. The gluttons take a scant few seconds to prepare themselves before a second smashing of the gong gives the two clearance to charge to the center of the ring.
FIGHT!
The Masked Dedede is the first to make a move as he lunges forward, but Wario-Man leaps out the tackle's path and bounces back off Dedede's prone cranium. Dedede shakes off this disorientation in time to see charging at him in turn. Here, the avian king scores the first clean hit with an electrically charged swing from his hammer that sends Wario flying towards the cage bars. Wario is none the worse off from the hit, however, best shown by how he lines himself up with the bars and vaults towards Dedede once more. A barrage of missiles attempts to meet Wario in the midst of his flight, but the parodic superhero swerves past them to close the distance. Carried towards the edge of the ring, Dedede finds himself trapped in a flurry of uppercuts that soon sends him skyward; to his credit, the ruler of Dream Land recovers and retaliates by unleashing a wall of fire from the mallet. Time stops for a second as Wario contemplates his misfortune before it resumes, the blaze then enveloping the Star Child fully. Agonized hollering becomes the only sound Wario can produce as he runs about the ring engulfed in flames; Dedede, meanwhile, takes this time to relish in his foe's suffering. Karma catches up with the king, however, as Wario's frenzied sprinting puts him right in the path of Dedede. The two fighters fly in separate directions from the impact, and only seconds after they land are their superpowered forms are stripped from them. A Goomba and Waddle Dee realize their identities, and their minds are (literally) blown as a result.
Dedede looks upon the yellow-and-purple outfit of Wario and recognizes him as the miscreant who had earlier stolen his meal and subsequently farted in his face; Wario, meanwhile, remembers how the now-maskless Dedede had defiled his Bike to form a personal chariot with his Wheelie. A number of attendees in the crown are unable to fathom this revelation while in the ring, the two fighters become overcome with an almighty fury. To pick the fight's momentum back up, Wario presents Dedede with his Masked self's electric hammer before hastily wolfing down the cudgel. This setback quite justifiably enrages Dedede further, but he brings out his classic wooden hammer and channels the magics of the Star Rod into it; immediately after, two clones of the king emerge from the ether. Wario watches this development before donning a snout-shaped hat; the two Dededes stay the course even as an inferno spews from the Dragon Cap. Instead, they twirl about, forming a barrier of ice from their hammers. For a brief second, the clones push through the fire before curving safely away and closing the distance; once in range, they pin Wario between their hammers for the real Dedede to leap in from above. Determination becomes painted on Dedede's face as he slams his hammer down on Wario with an impact that shakes the whole castle.
The pressure put on Wario loosens as he repeatedly bounces away from the kings; it soon becomes evident his lower torso has contorted into a spring from the attack. All three Dededes can only watch in shock before the Wario rebounds into the clones and poofs them into nonexistence. The spring form wears off shortly after and the reconstructed Wario pulls out a pair of Bob-Ombs to lob at the king; Dedede in turns vacuums up vast quantities of air to negate the bombs. Wario gets caught in the vortex afterward, and despite his efforts, is dragged into the gaping maw of the Dream Land monarch. The sight of Wario's posterior nestled tightly in Dedede's mouth is enough to horrify the audience, sans one unaware Waddle Dee. Even Dedede comes to the implications and desperately attempts to free himself, but his bulging cheeks give way to the latest mishap of the fight; in a massive plume of green smoke, the plains of Dream Land are reduced to a barren hellscape, with even the castle housing the fighters entirely annihilated. Only Dedede, Wario, and the ring remain amidst the devastation. Dedede comes to and takes a second to clear his lungs of the noxious gases infesting the air before once again utilizing the Star Rod's energy to grow to a mammoth size. Wario is aghast for only a few seconds before pulling a bicycle pump from nothing and mashing on it in turn. In the process, the survivors soon escalate to a size that towers over the hills before resuming their match.
Wario's own boasting and noisemaking is met with a hammer blow to the face from the avian. Another series of hammer strikes and punches follows that knock Wario backwards. After he recovers from this surprise attack, Wario juts his shoulder out and charges at Dedede, but once again the king parries the blow with another strike. The colossi collide in a match of hammer against shoulder, but after keeping the other at bay with enough force to begin uprooting the very mountains around them, both the fighters pause to catch their breath. Wario recovers first and uses the opportunity clamp his jaws around the king and toss him away. The impact from both fighters' landings as they crash back onto the earth shifts the tectonic plates higher still when Wario scurries towards Dedede to put an end to the match for good. With a running start, Wario gains enough momentum to shift himself around to unleash a second Waft upon the penguin. Dedede rummages through his robe in time to find a Gordo to lob at Wario. The pointed creature buries itself in the fat hooligan's buttocks, seemingly stopping the pace of the fight altogether, or at least for the brief seconds that lead to Wario swelling uncontrollably. What follows is a burst of such utter destruction that the entirety of Pop Star is shattered from the eruption. In the orbit of what was once the home of Dedede, the king strikes as best a seductive pose as he muster, floating with a satisfied grin as he stares at Wario's hat, the only remains of what was once his foe.
K.O.!
In the aftermath of the fight, it falls upon the hosts to spell out the elements that led to Dedede's victory over Wario. The treasure hunter had a much wider array of attacks and power-ups, especially through the reflexive transformations he could adapt, but the Dream Land native was no slouch in this field himself, several of his techniques perfectly countering those of Wario's. With regards to mobility, it is unclear how fast Wario could measure to Mario, and the same applies to comparing Dedede to both Kirby and Meta Knight; Dedede had an advantage in that his flight could be used at any time, actual movement speed is more a gray area. That said, the true advantages in this fight came down to both combatants' strength and durability, and simply put, Wario was severely outclassed in both. The black holes which Dedede can live through being consumed by have a minimal destructive output of almost 86 octillion tons of energy, vastly more than even the Shake King's defeat; given Dedede has survived encounters like the multiverse-threatening Void Termina, his true defensive capacity is even greater still. Likewise, while their maximum strength is something of a mystery, it is reasonable to assume that Dedede is comparable to Kirby, and as such, can deliver blows of planet-shattering force well beyond anything Wario could withstand. Ultimately, Wario was not without his advantages in the fight, but for every field Dedede matches him in, there was another where he was outclassed.
- Boomstick: [Dedede] really took the peng-win. (squeezes his whoopie cushion contraption)
Wiz: (glares at Boomstick briefly) The winner is King Dedede!
Wario vs. King Dedede contains examples of:
- Aside Glance: As performed by Wario shortly before Dedede's fireball reaches him.
- Ass Shove: Dedede launches a Gordo, a spike-ball mook, having one of its spikes up Wario's ass, sealing it and the win.
- Bloodless Carnage: Another episode with only a bit of gore compared to other fights. The only moment blood is shed is when a Waddle Dee's face tears open so he can gape in shock.
- Call-Back: A number of Mario's feats which Wario scales to were already mentioned when the former had a rematch with Sonic last season.
- Hoist by Their Own Petard: Wario is ultimately done in when Dedede blocks his butt with a Gordo, causing his built-up gas to explode inside of him...and destroy what's left of the planet in the process.
- It's Personal: The fight between the disguised Wario and Dedede initially starts out as seemingly just a normal cage match for the crowd. But once both fighters recognize the other after their disguises go, the memory of squabbles before this fight cause them to go at each other with renewed vigor.
- Jaw Drop: From Waddle Dee, a mook with no mouth!
- Mass "Oh, Crap!": All but one of the minions evacuate from the castle, anticipating Wario's explosive Waft is about to destroy it.
- Mike Nelson, Destroyer of Worlds: Thanks to a petty squabble over a stolen hot dog and a vandalized motorcycle, the universe is now short one planet courtesy of a greedy treasure hunter with a flatulence problem and a self-proclaimed king who likes stuffing his face all day.
- Mythology Gag: Several allusions to Super Smash Bros. are made throughout the fight. For instance, after the planet has been destroyed by Wario's waft backfiring, King Dedede is shown in his famous crouching pose from Super Smash Bros. Brawl onwards. Another is when Dedede pulls out a Waddle Dee instead of a Gordo, an allusion to the Gordo being randomly pulled from his Waddle Dee Toss in Brawl. Yet another is when Dedede launches the Gordo at Wario. He does so using the Hammer Flip, a technique that he and Kirby share (His hammer is visibly on fire at this point, an effect of using the Hammer Flip).
- Shout-Out: Boomstick is so impressed by the Mix-and-Match Weapon capabilities of Dedede's jet hammer that he declares it as being leagues above other hybrid weapons, such as the gunblade and sniper-scythe.
- Squick: Wiz's justified reaction when Boomstick refers to Wario as thicc
. - Visual Pun: In the Your Head A-Splode section mentioned right below, it could be said that the Waddle Dee and Goomba had their minds blown.
- Your Head A-Splode: The ultimate fate of the Goomba and Waddle Dee who realize that Wario and Dedede were in disguise during the first act of the fight.
