- You ruined everything, you stupid bitch
You ruined everything, you stupid stupid bitch
You're just a lying little bitch who ruins things
And wants the world to burn
Bitch. You're a stupid bitch.
And lose some weight.
Written by Elisabeth Kiernan Averick, directed by Daisy Mayer. Original airdate 2/8/2016.
"Rebecca mistakenly sends Josh a text meant for Paula and takes drastic measures to ensure he never sees it. Meanwhile, Paula and her husband (guest star Steve Monroe) attempt to rekindle their relationship, only to be thwarted by Rebecca."
Songs:
"Textmergency" (sung by Briga Heelan, Ester Dean, Jeff Hiller, Ivan Hernandez, and Scott Vance)
- '80s Hair: A massive case of it.
- Fake Texting: Rebecca pretends to be texting when she wants to get inside Josh's building. The text appears as Pop-Up Texting: "I am fake texting so I look like I'm waiting for my friend."
- Hair Metal
-
Memetic Mutation:Textastrophe!
That's the meme, don’t you agree? - Pop-Up Texting: "I am fake texting so I look like I'm waiting for my friend."
- Portmanteau: Two members of the band get into an argument about whether it should be called a "textmergency" or a "textastrophe."
- Power Ballad
"Where is the Rock?" (sung by Briga Heelan, Ester Dean, Jeff Hiller, and Ivan Hernandez)
- Don't Explain the Joke: "He's not the brightest but he's not dumb as a rock. (Rock!) See what I did there?"
- Hair Metal
"You Stupid Bitch" (sung by Rachel Bloom)
- Broken Ace
- BSoD Song: Rebecca’s most hopeless song in the show, it even provides this trope’s page with its quote!
- Heroic BSoD
- Incredibly Long Note: On the last word of the song, "bitch".
- Jerkass Realization: Exaggerated because of Rebecca's low self-esteem. She genuinely has been a Jerkass, and at the beginning of the song is honest about it, but during the song she stops being realistic about the extent of her Jerkassery, and in the last verse her self-hatred and body issues really kick in:Rebecca: You’re just a poopy little slut who doesn’t think
and deceives the people she loves.
Now he knows I’m not some innocent lamb,
He sees me for what I am,
Which is a horrible, stupid, dumb and ugly,
fat and stupid, simple, self-hating
Biiiiiiitch. - Pastiche: Of diva ballads like Whitney Houston's "The Greatest Love of All." However, instead of being about "loving yourself" (like Houston's ballad), "You Stupid Bitch" is how Rebecca hates herself.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Rebecca gives one to herself, while also insulting herself. "You're just a poopy little slut who doesn't think and deceives the people she loves."
Tropes in this episode:
- All for Nothing: After leading Josh to believe that her house had been broken into and forcing Paula to shatter her window, Rebecca gets caught at the very last second after Josh realizes the rock that was used to break the door down came from inside Rebecca’s house.
- Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other:
- When trying to break into Josh's phone, she guesses passwords. The one that finally works is Valencia's birthday, prompting Rebecca to comment that he does really love Valencia.
- After their marriage being in a rut for the entire season, vandalizing Rebecca's house appears to rekindle the spark between Scott and Paula.
- Blatant Lies: Even after Josh realizes there’s no way a crime could have happened, Rebecca continues to try and keep the act up by further complicating the story. Josh doesn’t buy it at all.
- Call-Back: In The Stinger, the judge that gave Rebecca a police escort to delete the text from Josh's phone rightfully gets a tongue-lashing from what is likely a judge with higher authority for doing something like that. When asked why he would do something so stupid, he breaks down and reveals he left his wife for a prostitute.
- Chekhov's Boomerang: The “Happily Ever After” rocks are shown prominently at the beginning of the episode in a shot of Rebecca getting ready for work. Paula later uses one of these rocks to break Rebecca’s window.
- Curse Cut Short: After Rebecca mistakenly sends a text to Josh she passes her phone to Paula to show her the damage. Paula responds accordingly.Paula: MOTHER… [cut to black].
- Darkest Hour: Rebecca, sitting alone in her home surrounded by broken glass, Josh not even able to look at her, and Greg wanting nothing to do with her is easily her lowest moment so far.
- Exact Words: When the cop shows up, Rebecca suddenly becomes very cautious about not saying anything technically untrue (presumably because she knows how serious lying to a police officer can be). She says the window "was like that when I got home", without giving a specific time, and then pivots to pointing out that there's no evidence of an actual break-in, and it's not worth the officer's time to pursue, all of which is true, though she's leaving a lot out.
- Foreshadowing: Both Paula and Josh comment on how the rock looks like an idealized version of how you'd imagine a rock. Turns out, that's because it was a decoration from inside Rebecca's apartment, which is what exposes the whole lie in the end.
- Irony: The rock that Josh realizes came from inside the house, and ultimately leads him to distance himself from Rebecca, was part of a home decoration that said “Happily Ever After.”
- Leaning on the Fourth Wall: Scott and Paula discussing whether Rebecca should go for Josh or Greg reflects viewers' debates on the subject.
- Pop-Up Texting: The text of the title is displayed this way.
- Serious Business: Everyone, from Paula, to the client, to the rival attorney, to the judge thinks that Rebecca's text is the highest priority. The judge even gets her a police escort so she can speed. (Which is lampshaded in the stinger when a colleague calls him out on how ridiculous and unethical that was.
- Snowball Lie: The basis of the episode. Trying to cover for an accidentally sent text balloons into staging a fake break-in of her own apartment.
- Waxing Lyrical: Instead of the theme song playing, Paula and Scott instead say it out loud nearly verbatim when discussing Rebecca, followed by the title card.
- You Are Better Than You Think You Are: At the very end, Paula tells Rebecca she's not a ruiner, she's a put-together-er.
