Recap / Columbo S 04 E 01

''Feeling flat? Tired and fat? Milo Janus is where it's at!"

Episode: Season 4, Episode 1
Title:"An Exercise in Fatality"
Directed by: Bernard Kowalski
Written by: Peter S. Fisher (teleplay), Larry Cohen (story)
Air Date: September 15, 1974
Previous: A Friend in Deed
Next: Negative Reaction
Guest Starring: Robert Conrad, Gretchen Corbett, Pat Harrington Jr.

"An Exercise in Fatality" is the first episode of the fourth season of Columbo.

Milo Janus (Robert Conrad) is a well-known fitness guru who has a TV show and writes exercise books. He also has a business licensing his own chain of fitness clubs, which happens to be something of a scam. The fitness franchises Janus licenses require the franchise owners to buy their equipment from specific suppliers, whom, unbeknownst to the franchisees, Janus is the secret owner of. Janus as the hidden owner of the supply sources charges his franchisees extortionate prices for equipment. He is bilking his business partners and spiriting the money out of the country to a Swiss bank account.

Unfortunately for Janus one of his club owners, Gene Stafford, has figured out his scam and is promising to turn him in to the SEC once he gathers all the evidence, and get the other club owners to join him in a class action lawsuit against Janus. Janus, who has all kinds of exposure to charges of fraud and tax evasion, goes to the club owned by Stafford, confronts Stafford, and kills him. He then stages a scene to make it look like Stafford died when he attempted to bench press too much and had the barbell fall on his windpipe. Janus arranges a fake phone call using a recording so his Sexy Secretary Jessica (Gretchen Corbett) will give him an alibi. This doesn't fool Columbo, though, who notices stuff like a coffee spill in Stafford's office, a burn mark on Janus's hand and scuff marks on the gym floor, and starts to put things together. Columbo also finds it strange that Stafford would eat a filling Chinese takeout meal and then engage in a strenuous workout.

Pat Harrington, who plays Milo's sleazy partner in financial crime (but not in murder) Buddy Castle, played Schneider the handyman on '70s sitcom One Day at a Time (1975).

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Tropes:

• The Alcoholic / Lady Drunk: Gene Stafford's estranged wife Susan is drinking every time she appears and seems mildly intoxicated when she receives Columbo. When she confronts Milo she declines a glass of wine, saying "I want to keep a clear head." After that disturbing encounter she self-medicates with booze and pills and nearly dies of an overdose.
• Artistic License – Law: A rare, partial aversion. This is one of only a very few times that a Columbo bad guy refuses to answer any more questions and tells Columbo to talk to their attorney.
• Asshole Victim: Inverted as the victim is blowing the whistle on Milo Janus and his shady business practices. Columbo also learns to abhor Milo and is very happy to finally snag him at the end.
• Barbell Beating: Janus kills Stafford by crushing his windpipe with a dumbbell, then stages a scene to make it look like an accident that happened when Stafford was bench pressing a barbell. Columbo isn't fooled.
• Buxom Beauty Standard: Columbo is telling Milo and Jessica about how his wife went on a Milo Janus diet and it boosted her confidence. They observe that she must have gotten thin. Columbo says "Well she was never actually thin. I wouldn't let her...because I happen to like a woman that...." At that point the lieutenant stammers into silence and then desperately wrenches the conversation in a different direction.
• Continuity Nod: At one point, Columbo casually mentions that he has a new boss at his department, alluding to his prior arrest of Deputy Commissioner Halperin in "A Friend in Deed", the Season Three finale.
• Corrupt Corporate Executive: Milo is bilking his franchisees by forcing them to buy equipment from suppliers that he secretly owns.
• Credits Gag: The irritating Milo Janus TV commercial jingle plays over the closing credits.
• Dramatic Irony: Milo makes a comment about how Gene's Chinese food and coffee diet is very unhealthy. Gene shoots back that "I plan to live for a long long time." Immediately after this Milo shoves the barbell into Gene's throat.
• Exact Words: Milo defends the character of Buddy Castle by saying "Buddy is as honest as I am." It's true, because Buddy is in on the scam with Milo. (In an early scene Buddy chortles about how their scheme is even better than the Florida real estate scam that got Buddy convicted for fraud.)
• Failed a Spot Check: Janus ties Stafford's running shoes, failing to notice when knotting them the shoelace loops are mismatched. Columbo examines Stafford's business clothes to see that this wasn't a peculiar quirk or habit, and deduces that he did not tie his own sport shoes.
• Fanservice: Obviously the only reason to have Jessica in a tiny bikini for the scene in which she lets Lt. Columbo into Milo's house. This is followed by some beefcake fanservice as Columbo follows a shirtless Milo through his morning workout routine.
• Food Slap: Ruth Stafford confronts Milo and, just as her husband did, accuses him of being a con artist. Milo doesn't even trouble to make a denial, instead blowing the accusation off and then inviting Ruth to his room for sex. She throws a drink in his face and leaves.
• Hate Sink: Like Dale Kingston before him, Milo doesn't have a drop of anything redeeming in his veins, especially when he actually tries to hit on Gene's wife after killing him.
• Hoist by His Own Petard: The ending. Milo said in his statement that Gene called and said he'd changed into his gym clothes. After explaining how Milo faked the phone call, Columbo cites the scuff mark evidence and the shoelace evidence (the laces were tied backwards, proving that someone else facing the opposite way tied Gene's shoes) to demonstrate that the killer changed Gene into his gym clothes and shoes. But there's still the Phoney Call that Milo performed for Jessica and his own sworn statement to the cops, stating that Gene said he was in his gym clothes, which Columbo has just shown is impossible.
  Columbo: "You tried to contrive the perfect alibi, sir. And it's your perfect alibi that's gonna hang you."
• Idiot Ball: Overall, Janus's murder scheme is pretty well thought-out. Unfortunately for him he makes the galactic mistake of trying to crush Gene's windpipe with a metal bar while Gene is holding a pot of piping hot coffee. This incredibly stupid blunder screws Milo over in a couple of ways. First, Gene spills the coffee on Milo's hand, which causes Milo to lose his grip, which allows Gene to escape the office, which forces Milo to chase him and catch him in the gymnasium. This is why the scuff marks that form a vital clue are there. Second, Columbo notices the coffee stain on the carpet, which is proved to be recent, and he also notices the fresh burn on Milo's right hand.
• Make It Look Like an Accident: Milo strangles Gene with a metal bar, then dresses him up in workout clothes and puts him on a weightlifting bench to make it seem like Gene tried to lift weights, then got it stuck on his throat.
• Mythology Gag: This episode aired two days after the first episode of another NBC mystery show, The Rockford Files. Columbo meets Janus on the same beach where Jim Rockford lives. And Gretchen Corbett would be in the second episode airing a few days later and starting a major recurring role as attorney Beth Davenport.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: Milo Janus is basically Real Life fitness guy Jack LaLanne.
• Older Than They Look: Columbo is shocked to learn that Milo is 53, having heard that he was 51 from someone else and thinking he was 35 tops by himself. (In Real Life Robert Conrad was 40.)
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business:
  • This episode provides a very rare example of Columbo letting the folksy, deferential mask slip and getting angry with a bad guy. Columbo is at the hospital, where a distraught Ruth Stafford is laid up after nearly overdosing on booze and pills following her ugly meeting with Milo. No sooner does he leave his room than Milo shows up with his smarmy, phony concern about Ruth's health. The usually mild-mannered lieutenant spits "What do you care?" After Milo is brought up short, a still seething Columbo says that Ruth thinks Milo killed Gene, and Columbo does too, and he's going to prove it. One has to go back to Season Two episode "A Stitch in Crime" (and before that to the original TV pilot, "Prescription: Murder") to find another example of Columbo losing his temper and getting angry with a suspect.
  • This is echoed in The Summation. Usually Columbo, a thoroughly decent person, adopts a tone of regret as he tells the bad guy how he caught them. The end of this episode however has Columbo showing obvious glee as he explains to Milo just why he is screwed.
• Phoney Call: One of several episodes in which a murderer stages a phony call in order to establish an alibi. It turns out that Jessica records all phone calls to the office. Milo snips out the beginning of a phone call from Gene and rigs it up so that the phone will ring and Jessica will think she's fielding a call from Gene, well after Gene is really dead. He also takes an additional precaution of disabling the light that shows that a call is in progress from the other phone, which would give away his scheme if any of the guests present in his party saw it, but unfortunately Columbo notices that as well when Milo gets a call while Columbo is present.
• Rummage Fail: At the end of the episode, when Columbo is rummaging in his bag for the damning evidence while Milo waits fuming, he first pulls out a squashed package:
  Columbo: "Oh, that's my lunch. That don't mean nothing..."
• Sexy Secretary: Milo has a relationship with his hot secretary Jessica Conroy. She doesn't know about his various crimes.
• Tranquil Fury: Janus is easily being amongst the most despicable Columbo villains in the series, and one of the rare instances where the detective actively despises a prime suspect, and takes satisfaction in finally nailing him with hard evidence.
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: When Milo has the gall to ask about Ruth in the hospital, Columbo drops his clueless act and lets Milo know just what he really thinks of the guy.
  Milo: How is she? They won't tell me a thing.
  Columbo: Why do you care? (to a woman waiting in the waiting room) Ma'am? Could I have that magazine?
  Milo: What's that supposed to mean?
  Columbo: You don't care whether she lives or dies. As a matter of fact, she's drinking because of you; because she thinks you're responsible for the death of her husband, and you wanna know something? So do I.