Recap / Birds of a Feather S1E6: Substitute

Tracey: But you can't just dump him, he's still your 'usband! You've got to stay with him through fick and fin. Take the rough with the smooth, share the ups and the downs.

Sharon: The ins and the outs and the okey's and the cokey's.

Tracey: Don't take the mick Sharon, what about your marriage vows?

Sharon: Trace they were all in Greek. For all I know I might 'ave been agreeing to buy all twenty four volumes of the Encyclopædia Britannica.

— Tracey Stubbs trying to get Sharon Theodopolopodous to stick with her husband.

• Date First Aired: 20/11/1989

Whilst Sharon and Tracey are walking through the streets, they see that Dorien has picked up another man - an Irish footballer called Patsy Edwards who's lodging with Dorien whilst he's looking for a house.

As Tracey is composing a letter to Darryl, Sharon accuses her of having a crush on Patsy. Just then, Patsy shows up, having (deliberately, in an attempt to get away from Dorien) launched a golf ball into the sisters' garden. They go out for a drink, where Patsy is heckled by fans of his. Tracey and he go out and talk about their lives, although Tracey hides the fact that Darryl is in prison. The next morning the postman arrives. It comes with an apparent letter from Darryl, asking for a woman named Juliet and asking how she and the baby is. Naturally, Tracey thinks that Darryl has moved on from her. Saddened, Tracey uses Sharon's visiting order to get some information out of Chris. However, Chris reveals that not only does he not know about this woman, but that he and Darryl are in separate wings, although Tracey doesn't believe him.

Darryl sends another letter, hoping to explain everything at the next visiting order, although Tracey doesn't want to listen to him and plans to turn her dinner with Patsy into a romantic one. However, Patsy's learned the truth from Dorien and convinces her not to pursue the relationship, although he doesn't leave without giving her a kiss.

Back at the prison, Darryl reveals the truth - the letter's not actually his, having been intended for another prisoner. The reason it was his writing was that he wrote it for a dyslexic prisoner. Afterward, both Sharon and Tracey are arrested, Sharon was graffiting over the prison and Tracey for given the prison officer responsible for the letter mix-up a Groin Attack. They'll be fine by the next episode, however.

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Tropes In This Episode:

• Accidental Misnaming: Tracey calls Jean-Jacques Rousseau "Gene-Jakes Rousseau".
• Curse Cut Short: A prison guard cuts off Darryl before he can call the guard a "piece of shit".
• Early-Installment Weirdness: Sharon takes a particular shine to reading in this episode, a far cry from the Sharon in later series who was a terrible reader.
• Erotic Dream: Tracey mentions having had rude dreams about Darryl for a couple of months.
• For the Evulz: The only reason given for the prison guard deciding to mess with Darryl's mail was because he wanted to see what would happen.
• Generic Graffiti: Sharon got so bored waiting for Tracey that she used the chance for some "political agitation" — namely, graffiting "Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains - Jean-Jacques Rousseau" on the prison.
• The Ghost: Juliet, who Tracey thinks Darryl is having an affair with.
• Groin Attack: Tracey gives one to one of the prison officers once it turns out that he was the one to have mixed up the letters.
• Historical Character Confusion: Tracey believes Quentin Crisp used to play a character on Coronation Street, when it was actually Christopher Quinten.
• "L" Is for "Dyslexia": Darryl wrote a letter for a prisoner who was so dyslexic that he thought he was in for "HBG" (presumably meant to be "GBH").
• Mistaken for Cheating: Tracey thinks that Darryl has had an affair with someone named Juliet when she receives a letter from him about how he misses them and the baby. In truth, there was actually a mix-up and he was writing to another prisoner.
• One Dialogue, Two Conversations: Tracey and Darryl have a discussion about a letter he sent her. Only problem is the letter was mixed up by a prison guard and Tracey thinks Darryl is talking to another woman.
• One-Shot Character: Patsy Edwards, Gary, John and Phil the plumber.
• One-Word Title: The name of the episode is "Substitute".
• On the Rebound: Upon learning that Darryl is apparently cheating on her, Tracey tries to get into a relationship with Patsy Edwards. However, he points out that it's probably not a good idea to get into a relationship to simply spite your previous relationship. Good thing too, as it later turns out to have been a mix-up.
• Pun: After seeing Phil the plumber at a restaurant, Sharon mentions how she's always wanted to feel the plumber.
• Shout-Out:
  • Dorien lends Sharon her copy of The Guide to Modern World Literature, containing works by Cathcart, Jean-Paul Sartre and Kant.
    Dorien: So how's the reading going Sharon?
    Sharon: Oh, not bad. That Lord Byron was a bit of a goer weren' 'e?
  • Tracey mentions Darryl's a big fan of West Ham United.
  • Sharon mentions Coronation Street at dinner.
  • Tracey thinks that Sharon graffitied a line from The Pink Panther (1963) on the prison when it was actually written by Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
  • Tracey remarks she preferred when Sharon read Jilly Cooper, and then mentions Henry Cooper.
• Shower of Love: Dorien tries to join Patsy in the shower off-screen.
• Smug Snake: The prison officer who messed with Darryl's mail. He smirks that Darryl can't hit him... only for Tracey to hit him instead.
• Take That!:
  • Sharon mentions reading a Jackie Collins novel and feeling unfulfilled by it.
  • When Sharon tries apologising to Tracey, she mentions she's eaten more dung than Margaret Thatcher's entire cabinet.
  • Sharon also mentions that blonde guy on Coronation Street who got killed off and now no one remembers who the actor was, with Tracey believing he was played by Quentin Crisp. In actuality, the character's name was Brian Tilsley and he was portrayed by Christopher Quinten.
  • Sharon calls Oscar Wilde a woofter.

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