Title: Wojo's Girl
Directed by: Noam Pitlik
Written by: Tony Sheehan and Danny Arnold
Air Date: January 25, 1979
Previous: The Spy
Next: Middle Age
Guest Starring: Darlene Parks, Doris Roberts, Peter Hobbs, Michael Conrad, Lewis Arquette, Philip Burns
"Wojo's Girl" is the 15th episode of the fifth season of Barney Miller.
Some sources, including the Internet Movie Database, classify this as a two-part episode, but in fact it was a double episode that aired in a single block on January 25, 1979. It does however have two distinct parts.
The first part is in the squad room, as usual. Harriet Brauer (Doris Roberts), last seen in "The Sighting", makes her return. It seems her crackpot husband Phillip, who in the previous episode had taken the couple's every last dime and put it into gold, has gotten upset by the falling price of gold. So he's take up another bizarre hobby: soldier-of-fortune. This leads the 12th to one Col. Charles Dundee, operator of a fly-by-night mercenary business, who has an alarming collection of weapons.
The other case of the day involves one Frank Mallory, who has returned from a trip to Europe. The trip was so unsatisfactory that Mallory's wife is divorcing him, and, immediately upon his return, Mallory confronted his travel agent, Nells Finney. It seems Mr. Finney's explanation ("It wasn't the deluxe package") didn't go over well, and the two men got in a fight and are charging each other with assault.
Meanwhile, Wojo's ravishingly beautiful girlfriend Nancy (Darlene Parks) arrives in the squad room. She is supposed to be moving in to Wojo's apartment, but "Stanley" hasn't given her the key. He proves reluctant to do so, mostly because, as he admits to Barney, he's afraid of commitment. Another factor is that Nancy is an ex-prostitute, and Wojo's weird mix of psychological issues relating to hookers—being repulsed by their profession while also being attracted to them and wanting to "save" them—is confusing him.
The second part of the episode takes place entirely in Wojo's apartment and features only Wojo and Nancy. Nancy has in fact moved in with Wojo, but Wojo is obviously tense about the whole situation. He barks at Nancy for cleaning the place up and hanging his scattered clothes, he's brusquely dismissive of her efforts to have a conversation, and he pays attention to the hockey game on TV instead of her. He asks rude questions about her past life as a prostitute. Then he sleeps on the couch instead of coming to bed, refusing Nancy's obvious invitation for sex. Come the next morning, Nancy has decided to leave.
Tropes:
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Wojo, who likes to watch sports on TV, criticizes Nancy for not being interested. She starts watching hockey in order to share his interests, and at the end she's too interested in the hockey game to go have sex with hom.
- Bland-Name Product: Mr. Brauer got attracted to the mercenary lifestyle by reading "Combat Quarterly" magazine. This is an obvious reference to real-life magazine Soldier of Fortune, founded 1975.
- Call-Back: Nancy puts on lingerie in an effort to get Wojo to have sex with her, but he's too interested in sports on TV. At the end Wojo comes out wearing a robe, wanting to have sex with Nancy, but she's too wrapped up in the hockey game.
- Continuity Nod
- Mr. and Mrs. Brauer make their return, as Mrs. Brauer is once again calling the 12th about her husband's loopy new interest.
- This is the third episode with a storyline in which Wojo is attracted to a prostitute. An embarrassed Wojo admits his weakness for hookers to Barney. When he cites Wentworth (five appearances in Season 1 and 2), Barney objects with "She was a cop!", and Wojo says she just reminded him of a hooker.
Wojo: I always seem to get hooked up with the "fallen women". - The Cobbler's Children Have No Shoes: Mr. Finney, the travel agent, says that he's never been anywhere and really wants a vacation.
- Commitment Issues: Wojo is terrified of commitment and spends the whole episode giving mixed signals to Nancy. He explains to Barney that when he's in post-orgasmic bliss he talks about doing "something permanent" with a girl, only to have doubts later.
- The Dandy: When Col. Dundee suggests that Harris might be a good mercenary, Harris cackles and says "I can't wear khaki!".
- Extra-Long Episode: Classified by some authorities as a two-parter, but actually a double-length episode.
- Formal Full Array of Cutlery: Nancy formally arranges the dinner table, with "salad fork, regular fork, soup dish on a plate!". (It verges on a Plot Hole that Wojo the jock would have a salad fork at all.)
- Hidden Depths: Wojo, the resident meathead, likes to play the flute in the park on his days off.
- High-Class Call Girl: Nancy's former job. Wojo, with his rather creepy fixation on prostitutes, can't resist asking her about it.
- Lingerie Scene: Nancy changes into a very fetching slip and lace wrap as she tries to lure Wojo into sex. When he passes, staying up late to watch movies before falling asleep on the couch, she decides to move out.
- Oddball in the Series: One of only thirteen episodes in the entire run of Barney Miller to have a scene outside the squad room. And if you count Part 2 as a separate episode, it's the only episode in which Hal Linden does not appear.
- Phallic Weapon: Discussed Trope, as Nancy notices Wojo's service weapon and says "Psychologically speaking, it's like having another male organ." There's a second layer to the joke later when Wojo takes out his gun and contemplates it: it's a pretty darn short little snub-nosed revolver.
- Poorly Disguised Pilot: At one point there was a proposed Barney Miller spinoff called "Off Duty" that would have followed the detectives of the 12th Precinct in their personal lives. Nothing came of it, except for the second half of this episode, in which Wojo tries to get used to having a live-in girlfriend. (And also the Abe Vigoda spinoff Fish.)
- Private Military Contractors: Col. Dundee operates a mercenary company. It's apparently a low-rent one, seeing as how he has a tiny office above a pizza parlor, but he says it's because "we like to keep a low profile."
- Sexy Backless Outfit: Apparently what the gorgeous Nancy wears when she's out and about during the day, as she wears a slinky backless dress when she comes to the squad room to pester Wojo about the key.
- Stealth Insult: As he's awkwardly trying to explain his personal issues, Wojo stammers out to Barney, "I mean it's like your sex life is running the whole show. You remember what I mean." Wojo registers the Stealth Insult, then makes it worse, saying "I mean, you're above that now."
- Take That!: Col. Dundee suggests that Mr. Brauer will have other opportunities to deploy as a mercenary if he changes his mind.Col. Dundee: There will be other chances. Middle East, Asia...Cleveland.
