Quotes / You Keep Using That Word

Jason: I'll have you know in a head-to-head matchup, the jPad would literally smash the iPad.
Andy: You misused the word "literally".
Jason: Did I?
Andy: Why is there a rock taped to the back?

"'Real' has very little meaning in food. You can say a cat food has REAL chicken flavor because your cat doesn't know how to call you liar and cat owners are so used to puns that they can't spot horrible violations of language. But sometimes 'real' on a food implies actual legal classification and not that one or more ingredients were replaced with quick-dry cement.

For example, on a box of Chips Ahoy!, the words 'REAL CHOCOLATE Chip Cookies' appears next to a worried cookie with a face that says he wasn't ready to deal with the existential burden of finding out there was a debate about whether or not he was real."

"Some words I simply despair of ever hearing people use correctly. I just shrug when an airline pilot announces we're flying over the 'Sierra Nevada Mountains.' In the winter, if you're lucky, he may even say you're flying over the 'snowy Sierra Nevada Mountains' (get a Spanish dictionary). So if you want to use 'prodigal' to mean 'wandering' instead of 'wasteful,' I canít stop you. Have your steak 'with au jus,' and go ahead and have a slice of pie 'with a la mode' while youíre at it, and a cup of coffee 'with au lait.' Have a side order of chili 'with con carne' if you're really hungry. If you think 'apropos' means 'appropriate,' go right ahead. If you want to take a hike in the woods and 'orientate' yourself on a map, knock yourself out. Ilitterissy roolz!"
Steven Dutch, What's an Agnostic?

Dee: Are you goddamn kidding me?
Charlie: What?
Dee: Tiny boy, baby boy, little boy?
Charlie: Yes?
Dee: You're wanting me to say that I wanna make love to a little baby tiny boy.
Charlie: But I've explained this to you Dee that I'm talking about the spirit of this man. It's like a little boy, it's a metaphor.
Dee: You keep using that word, but I'm not convinced you know what it means.

Why do people call everything a Deus ex Machina without knowing what a deus ex machina actually is?

"I am an Urus, Tur to the Poles, Aurox to the Germans. The ignorant call me a Bison." "I am a Bison, Suber to the Poles, Bisont to the Germans. The ignorant call me an Urus."
Sigismund von Herberstein, 1556

Avon: I use the word deliberately.
Tarrant: But did you use it accurately?
Blake's 7, "Games"

Peter Parker: Spider-Man wasn't trying to attack the city, he was trying to save it. That's slander.
J. Jonah Jameson: It is not! I resent that! (Beat) Slander is spoken. In print, it's libel.