Quotes / Word-Salad Humor

I'm jumping in the Pimento shower
I wanted the music first
In the evening square of the fresh prince
There went a perfect brown baby
The guards can see we're all out of weapons, no machetes
Lotion raw bruises
Lotion raw bruises
Drink, or sip
A wench at our hotel
Wolf government anchovies-when they laugh at you, you'll drown
Eye of the Sparrow
This girl slipped on my arrow

—Jim Lehrer, "Eye of the Sparrow"

I was once a treehouse, I lived in a cake, but I never saw the way the orange slayed the rake. I was only 3 years dead, but it told a tale, and now listen little child to the safety rail.

—The Llama Song

"You know, whatever you guys are playing out there, that's nice for you to play when you've got the money, that's cool. But when you're down in the hard time, well you ain't got nothing but mine you sloppin' and moppin' with. You've got to deal with what you've got to deal from here, honey buns.... Oh my goodness, I've been carrying Linda Ding Dong across these little piggybacks on Rooviepoove. We're up with Mother Goose flying this whole world."

—Charles Manson, 1997 parole hearing

See how gross young Popple, clammy. Yeah, rogue Nazis are fat, over-easy. Oooooh, you're faint weewee wah! Oh, your family are girly! Sheesh!

— from a reversed video of "His Cheeseburger" with subtitled lyrics

I MADE YOU A SALAD... OUT OF WORDS!

— Psycho enemies, Borderlands 2, summarizing 98% of their dialogue. ^note The remaining 2% consists of the above line, and a soliloquy from Hamlet.

Summoner 1 (Nautilus): just like that duo top got shut down
Summoner 2 (Blitzcrank): cause ur a camping little bitch naut
Summoner 1 (Nautilus): hey, if you fish a man a dead horse, he'll eat in rome
Summoner 2 (Blitzcrank): that's the most retardedd fuckking thing weve ever heard naut

—The Summoner's Code, Exhibit 408

The Great Hall was filled with incredible moaning chandeliers and a large librarian who had decorated the sinks with books about masonry. Mountains of mice exploded. Several long pumpkins fell out of McGonagall. Dumbledore's hair scooted next to Hermione as Dumbledore arrived at school.

The pig of Hufflepuff pulsed like a large bullfrog. Dumbledore smiled at it, and placed his hand on its head: "You are Hagrid now."

— Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash

At age six I was born without a face.

— Arin Hanson, Game Grumps

There's, like, twenty absurdities in that sentence.

— Arin Hanson, Game Grumps

I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!!

— Krieg, Borderlands 2

Amin enayld in brurg. But you don't even, because that's the one, and and and you know what you need to do?

— Arin Hanson, Game Grumps

Sign me up for soccer class, Debra!

— Homsar, Homestar Runner

The following is a live home video that I personally took of the sasquatch stealing my son's pogo stick. If you or a family member have been injured as a result of negligent trombone playing, call me, Biff Manchest, the only attorney that's large. If you suffer from chronic shin splints, please consult your primary physician before taking hydrofluoric acid tablets.

— Yu Yu Hakushit

Mind Melter reacts to proton imbalances, allowing for an infinite amount of side effects. Other brands like Goliapin, Floopyboopin and Hunky Dookie don't offer any effects. Health risks like crying and masturbating are encouraged, but are often unappealing to small women and large children. Avoid driving at large machinery if you are ugly and pregnant or risk double pregnancy. Remember to consult your prescription to see if the number 7 is right for you!

— from an episode of SkyCorp Home Video

The Easter Bunny told me that Christmas isn't real

But Santa Claus is still Jesus

— bill wurtz, Christmas Isn't Real

"Everyone has a plumbus in their home. First, they take the dinglebop and smooth it out with a bunch of shleem. The shleem is then repurposed for later batches. They take the dinglebop and push it through the grumbo, where the fleeb is rubbed against it. It's important that the fleeb is rubbed, because the fleeb has all of the fleeb juice. Then a Schlommy shows up and he rubs it and spits on it. They cut the fleeb. There are several hizzards in the way. The blamps rub against the chumbles, and the ploobis and grumbo are shaved away, leaving you with a regular old plumbus."

— How They Do It narrator, Rick and Morty, Interdimensional Cable II

"Here comes the yogurt patrol!"

— Homsar, Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People

I'm a fuckin' blapperborn. I'm a shit boy. I eat boxes.

— cscoop, SMPLive

ourth yourth your inia Dr., FL 328 Virginia Dr., Orlando, FL 32803Virging Featur name to Send $4 (chectioney orderences mader ing Features) with yourth Find addres) with your name six Differ is he fun

iToons #106, "Spy Fox in: A Death In The Family"

Come on Oney, this is your chance to be real funny man, cartoon internet on the comedy...

— Julian, OneyPlays

---