Quotes: Transparent Closet

Tom Cruise gets all the credit for being the reigning Empress of Scientology and I know he’s allegedly David Miscavige’s sugar daddy, but that trick really has nothing on John Travolta. If there is such thing as the Empress of Scientology pageant, then this year’s crown (which probably looks like this) needs to sit on top of John Travolta’s luxurious beaver tail wig. Because while Tommy Girl is keeping his mouth lips shut about Going Clear, the wigged one has put on his fightin’ wig and is defending Scientology like he has to or they’ll expose his secrets. Oh, wait…

Riku: Marluxia finally came out of the closet.
Namine: And like everything else on this show, it was anticlimatic.
2 months ago
Marluxia: I've been really confused about who I am. I think I always knew the truth, I just couldn't admit it. But I'm sure now, I'm gay.
Zexion: And this is more important than my watching Seinfeld reruns... because?

Light: I'm not gay.
L: Oh, my apologies, I forgot that you're the sexual scourge of womankind. You obviously only have sex with me because you roll over in your sleep and misjudge the distance. Maybe you're sleepwalking... or maybe the term "sleepfucking" would be more appropriate. Maybe you're completely unaware of what you're doing.
Light: It happens.

Xander: Mom, Dad...I'm gay.
Mr Wifflebottom: Well Son, I guess the only thing we can say is-
Mr & Mrs Wifflebottom: Uh-DUH!

Kurt: Dad... I have something I want to say. I'm glad that you are proud of me... but I don't want to lie any more. Being part of the Glee club and football has really shown me that I can be anything. And... what I am... is... (taking the leap) I'm gay.
Burt: (without pause or shock) I know.
Kurt: Really?!
Burt: I've known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels.

Finn: (reading) "What Prom Queen candidate is spending a whole lot of time in her closet?" That's garbage, Quinn's claustrophobic.
Rachel: No, that's Santana. Read the next one...

Gray: I'm gay!
Sam: (hugs her) It's great. It's great you are coming out.
Gray: Don't tell me you already knew.
Sam: Gray! Of course I knew.
Gray: How can you know when I didn't know?
Sam: Gray, I am like seven times smarter than you. I have known since second grade when you had a crush on Mrs. Worthtimer and tried to look up her skirt.
Gray: She was cute, wasn't she...

Duncan: Jen, why would you think I was gay?
Jen: Well, you know, I didn't just pull it out of the air. You've just taken me to see a gay musical called Gay!. You're laughing like mad at every gay reference. Your friends - all of whom are gay - say hello by tickling you...
The IT Crowd, "The Work Outing"

Tom: Oh for fuck's sake - everyone knows you like cock - accept it already!
Jamie: NEVAHH!!!

Wally: Doctor, why do those - you know - those "types" keep thinking that I'm one of them?
Psychiatrist: Because you are one of them. You are gay. You are gay. You are a homosexual. The opposite of straight. You're gay. I know it, your family knows it. Dogs know it! Everyone seems to know it except you!
The Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy

See, look, I know I'm homophobic, but not about gay guys. They don't bother me at all. It's straight guys who don't know they're gay... they fuck my shit right up. Like a guy calls me up and says, "A bunch of us guys are gonna sit around in our underwear and watch the football game and drink beer and eat chips and, you know, maybe wrestle with each other, just us guys. You wanna come over?" And I'm like, "No."
King Missile, "Gay/Not Gay"

Dillon's Agent: Ho-ho-ho! Don't be silly! I'm not gay! That's why I have you wear the wig!
Dillon: I think it might be a little bit gay.
Dillon's Agent: Dilly... straight married men have secret gay sex all the time!
Dillon: That sounds made up.

You can't call it "coming out of the closet" when the door was wide open, the closet was made of glass, and everyone could see you in there having gay sex. Clay Aiken says he came out because he didn't want to lie to his infant son. Dude, even the baby knew you were gay.
Bill Maher, Real Time with Bill Maher

Mr. Mackey: After being dismissed from teaching, [Mr. Garrison] went off to write romance novels. His first novel sold well and everything was fine until he found out that his novel won the gay Pulitzer prize, and was considered the best homoerotic novel since Huckleberry Finn.
Principal Victoria: He finally snapped and had a nervous breakdown and went up into the mountains to live in solitude.
Chef: Some say that on cold nights you can still hear him moanin', "I'm not gaaay! I'm not gaaay!"
Distant Voice: I'mmm nnnooottt gggaaayyy!!!
South Park, "Fourth Grade"

Louise: Well, we both love shopping, and large women on Coronation Street, and you'll never guess, he likes collecting Sylvanian Families for the kitsch value as well.
Janet: Carry on...
Louise: He loves his mum, he loves Steps, oh and he loves...
Janet: Shagging men?
Louise: I beg your pardon?
Donna: Well, everything you've told us, Louise, absolutely everything, means that he's camper than a row of tents. Pink tents.
Janet: Pink tents with gay men in them.

Marik: Oh what, just because a guy likes to dress effeminately, and hang around with another extremely attractive man, and read yaoi, and flaunt his gorgeous abs, and stroke a phallic symbol suggestively in every other scene, that automatically makes him gay?!
Bakura: Kinda.
Zorc: Yeah, kinda.
Teddy Bear: Yep!

Shun's Master: I was referring to your secret about your incredibly powerful cosmos.
Shun: Oh, sorry! I thought you mean my secret about me being gay!
Shun's Master: Is that supposed to be a secret?

Bobby:That's right, Cindy, I'm gay and if you haven't noticed, so is Ray.
Ray:Huh? Wait, whoa! I'm not gay.
Bobby:What do you mean? You took me to the club.
Ray: They play good music.
Bobby:What about our trip to San Francisco?
Ray:I wanted to do some shopping!
Bobby:But you made love to me!
Ray:Hey, you sucked my di..