And I've never hoist the mainstay,
and I never swabbed the poop deck,
and I never veered to starboard 'cuz I never sail at all!
And I've never walked a gangplank,
and I've never owned a parrot,
and I've never been to Boston in the fall!
Cuz we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything,
we just stay at home and lie around!
And if you ask us to do anything,
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything!"
You say you're nasty pirates
Scheming, thieving, bad bushwhackers?
From what I've seen I tell you
You're not pirates! You're just slackers!
On Mondays, I never go to work
On Tuesdays, I stay at home
On Wednesdays, I never feel inclined
Work is the last thing on my mind
On Thursdays, it's a holiday!
And Fridays I detest
Oh, it's much too late on a Saturday
And Sunday is the day of rest
—They Might Be Giants, "Seven Days of the Week (I Never Go to Work)"
Exploring the seas, and home renovation
Feather collecting and art ecollection
We're the assassins and we're here to stay!
(We might have to phase out the stabbing, OK?)
Shirahoshi: "But if you're a pirate, Luffy... Then aren't you a bad person?"
"Whatever happened to 'we rape, we pillage'?"
— Jason, The Ice Pirates
"Clark wanders in the front door, only to reveal that, oh no, he has lost his powers! Now who will stand around moping while others save the world?!"
Jon: I think Conan's feelin' real baaaad today! "Attack"!
Conan decides not to attack the merchant
Jon: Conan also decided to file his taxes quarterly to avoid overages and remain cash-solvent. What is this, "Conan decided not to attack the merchant"?! Get outta here, I'm CO-NAN! I'm a BARBARIAN! It's in the TITLE! IT'S INNA TITLE!!
Sci-fi Greg: Uh, Cheerleader, shouldn't you be out, ehhhhh, leading cheers?
Cheerleader: No, I'm more a cheerleader in the way I dress, and in the way I treat other girls.
"We're whalers on the moon,
We carry a harpoon,
But there ain't no whales,
So we tell tall tales
And sing our whaling tune!"
—The Space Whalers, Futurama ("The Series Has Landed")