Danson: "Tell me again why I decided to get on this roof?!"
Highsmith: "I think we can chalk it up to bad life choices!"
"Danson and Highsmith shoot drive, and sex with style - they were rockstars. Then you got the day-by-day workers, the ball busters, the vets - The Other Guys."
Hoitz: "I'm a Peacock, you gotta let me fly!"
Mauch: "This paperwork is like Bob's wife; it's thick and ugly and it's got Danson's fingerprints all over it."
Hoitz: "When you hear hooves, you expect horses, not zebras!"
Gamble: "What about donkeys? And deer...? What about bovine animals?"
"You do one thing when you come in tomorrow: bring it."
Mr. Christinath: "You probably think that with my beard, I'm probably really hairy all over... nope. Completely shaved."
Gamble: "One day I am gonna climb over that anger wall of yours; and it is going to be glorious."
Gamble: "How do they walk away from buildings in movies without flinching when it explodes behind them?! I call bullshit on that!! [...] I need an MRI! There's no way I don't have soft tissue damage! I just wanna curl up someplace and breastfeed right now...!"
(after Hoitz takes on a group of motorcycle hitmen singlehandedly)
Gamble: "Can you imagine where you'd be if you hadn't shot Jeter?"
Gamble: "Whose baby is that? Who did that to you?! Gator's bitches better be using jimmies!!"
Mauch: (to the Bed Bath & Beyond staff) "First things first: the new bath mats are here. Second thing: there's a serial rapist in Crown Heights... sorry, that's from my other job, ignore that. No, wait, don't ignore it, especially if you live in Crown Heights. Walk in pairs."
Mauch: "You two know that Danson and Highsmith weren't good cops, right?"
Hoitz: "Yeah, I guess we always knew that, it's a drag, but then at some point, who's left to be the hero?"
Mauch: "Not to sound corny but... maybe it's you guys."
Ershon: "I have a small apartment, nobody knows about it; I use it mainly for my parents, and prostitutes; not at the same time, that would be wrong..."
Hoitz: "Let's hear it from the top, every detail."
Ershon: "I find that the best way to tell a story is from the end, then work our way towards the beginning, periodically working in different characters' perspectives, to give it a little dimension so it's not such a linear..."
Gamble: "JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED!!"
Ershon: "Computers! What if one day they were in charge?"
"Let's be honest, we all wanna be superstars... but at the end of the day, the real heroes, the ones who make it happen, are the day-in-day-outers, the mutt-grinders - c'mon, you know who I'm talking about. The Other Guys."