And the musicians today who don't do drugs and, in fact, speak out against drugs? Boy do they suck! Ball-less, soulless, spiritless, corporate little bitches...

How rebellious!... In a conformist sort of way.

Can't hassle us, pig! We're going the speed limit!

I hate comedians that are like, "Fucking strap in, motherfuckers, cause I'm about to get really dangerous!" and then the next thing they always say is, "The fucking food on airplanes is bullshit!" There is nothing safer than a comedian who tells you he's dangerous.

Candace: Hey mom, can I get a pink streak in my hair?

Linda: Why would you do that?

Candace: To express my individuality! Everyone's doing it!

Calvin: Mom, can I have some money to buy a satan-worshiping, suicide-advocating heavy metal album?

Calvin's Mom: Calvin, the fact that these bands haven't killed themselves in ritual self-sacrifice shows that they're just in it for the money like everyone else. It's all for effect. If you want to shock and provoke, be sincere about it.

Calvin: Mainstream commercial nihilism can't be trusted?!