Quotes / Raging Stiffie

Thorny: All right Arlo, why don't you hop up on Uncle Rabbit's lap?
Rabbit: I don't think that's such a good idea, Thorny!

Ike Barinholtz: Woah! What... what is that?!
Bobby Lee: Sometimes I get morning wood.
Ike Barinholtz: It's two in the afternoon, Bobby!
Bobby Lee: I get afternoon wood.
Ike Barinholtz: Bobby, stop getting aroused!
Bobby Lee: Okay. Grandma... grandma... grandma... grandma...
Ike Barinholtz: It's getting bigger, Bobby.
MADtv

"Half a teaspoon of crushed Jimmy Savile pelvis, and you’ll have an erection that lasts for a thousand years."

"Let's all hope baseball's the only thing he's putting out there."
Wendy Rieger, News 4 - commenting on the announcement of Washington Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper's nude photos in ESPN The Magazine's "Body Issue"

"I love it when men just look at me and get hard through their clothes. To know that I really turn on a man, and he can't help it, is erotic. You know, making him have an erection in public and knowing he can't move because people will see."
Barbara Moore, Playboy

Subway executive: If someone could hand me my jacket?
Pierce: (helpfully) It's right over there on the coat-rack next to the door.
Subway executive: ...If somebody could just hand it to me, that would be great.
(awkward pause)
Dean Pelton: I guess I'm confused; why don't you just grab it on your way out the door—
Subway executive: You know what? Now I'm not leaving! Now I'm just going to sit for a while and focus on how unacceptable today was.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/RagingStiffie