Quotes / Never Mess with Granny

"Don't screw with me, Bert."
Martha, Arthur

"If she asked if you like her casserole, you better say yes!"
Ray William Johnson, Youtube (Kiss Ass Grandma)

'I told her that,' said Granny Weatherwax, who had walked nightly without fear in the bandit-haunted forests of the mountains all her life in the certain knowledge that the darkness held nothing more terrible than she was.

Mightily Oats: You're really going to let a little old woman go out and fight monsters!?
Mob: Why should we care what happens to a bunch of monsters?

Tiffany Aching: But aren't there trolls and wolves and things?
Granny Weatherwax: Oh, yes. Lots.
Tiffany: And they don't try to attack you?
Granny: [in a self-satisfied voice] Not anymore.

And if you're wondering why Ultimate Nag didn't fear the PTA like Ms. Forehead did, it's because Ultimate Nag is a Japanese Obachan and they simply feel no fear nor pain of death. This is why you can't make a movie or anything featuring a little old Japanese lady in mortal danger, because it just doesn't work. You could have the monster from Aliens breathing it's hot, musty breath into the Japanese obasan's face, and then it would open its ferocious-toothed mouth and the little Alien head would emerge and also breathe it's hot, slimy breath on the obasan, and she'd just slap the shit outta both of them. And then she'd take the alien's seat on the train, cause that's how they roll.
Azrael, Gaijin Smash

"I'll give you Sharkey, you dirty, thieving ruffians!"
Lobella Sackville-Baggins (to a group of thugs twice her size right before attacking them with her umbrella), The Lord of the Rings

"Ha! Not bad for a hunnert'n ninety-seven year-old blind lady!"

Joen: Welcome to my gates, Ista dy Chalion. I am the Mother of Jokona.
Ista: Welcome to mine, Joen of Jokona. I am the Mouth of Hell.

Alright, now, you boys listen up and listen good. Now, I am declaring Granny Law, and if you do not obey Granny Law, I will paint your back porch red.

(651): It happened again.
(612): What?
(651): I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.

(973): You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
(908): That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.

"We rise."
grandma, Cookie Clicker

Sanko: Where did you get that?
Octavia: My grandson, Diego. Said he nearly killed himself using it, so he thought I might like it as a birthday present. He is now my favorite grandson.

"If you boys had turned out to Nazis, Granny would've had to bust a cap in your ass!"
Linkara, Captain America #1 review.