Quotes / Lost Aesop

Film

Director of Central Intelligence: What did we learn, Palmer?
Palmer: I don't know, sir.
DCI: I don't fuckin' know, either. I guess we learned not to do it again.
Palmer: Yes, sir.
DCI: I'm fucked if I know what we did.

— Burn After Reading, conversation before end credits

Podcasts

Mike: Okay, so the message is: It's good to be obsessed with the stuff you're obsessed with, and you should be rewarded for it, but you should also feel bad because it doesn't really matter?
Kevin: As clear as a vintage bottle of Crystal Pepsi!
Bill: I'm really not sure what happened here, guys.

— RiffTrax on Ready Player One (2018)

Stand-Up Comedy

Well, the poor keep getting hungry
And the rich keep getting fat
Politicians change
But they’re never gonna change that
But you and me girl, we got the answer right in our hands
All we gotta do is… [mumble mumble]
Well, the winds of war are blowin'
And the tide is comin' in
Don’t you be hopin' for the good times
Because the good times have already been
Girl, we got the answer, it’s so easy you won’t believe
All we gotta do is… [mumble mumble]

—Hugh Laurie, "All We Gotta Do"

Web Original

I thought we’d get loads of stuff about how the Doctor killed little Davros and that makes him a hypocrite, or didn’t kill little Davros and that makes him a hypocrite, or tried to kill Davros and in the process created Davros and that makes him a hypocrite… (and *yawn* because of course he’s a bit of a hypocrite, so what? Are we supposed to not be social actors because to get out there and do stuff means that we pretty much have to embrace a degree of ethical compromise?)

— Jack Graham on Doctor Who, "The Witch's Familiar"

It feels like it's trying to tell me something about what I should do in a certain situation, but I can't figure it out. Adoption makes a little bit of sense, like maybe he was a child of one race adopted by another, who doesn't realise until later, but it says he was born under the sea. And why would he like unicorn food better? And it's not LGBTQ, because it's not like he suddenly finds out he likes unicorns, he IS a unicorn. Maybe it's supposed to be a metaphor for transgender people? But he's not a unicorn in a narwhal's body (or a narwhal in a unicorn's body), he's literally a unicorn. And they all know that he's a unicorn, but he doesn't realise until later.

— Cassandra Gelvin on Not Quite Narwhal, Dont Read This To My Kids

Web Video

Rex: Good night, little tough guy. Remember my story.
Raoul Puke: Why? What did he teach him?!

— The Nostalgia Critic on We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story

Katie Coltrane: You need to use something a little better than a gun. Use your brain.
[Rich throws his jacket at the T.V., Josh flips off Katie and storms out]
Jack: When has he ever used his brain for anything in this movie? What convinced her of that?
Jay: "You can't accomplish anything with a gun. Oh, wait, they just stopped me with a gun." Fuck this!

— Best of the Worst on Theodore Rex

Tree: This is the story of Michael, the ugliest boy in town,
Ugly and weak, they called him a freak,
So he lived on his own underground,
He lived on his own underground,
He lived on his own underground.

Shrignold: You see? Everyone has a special one.

(Beat)

Rabbit Boy: Even Michael!

— Don't Hug Me I'm Scared Episode 3

Western Animation

Homer: Save a guy's life, and what do you get? Nothing! Worse than nothing! Just a big, scary rock!
Bart: Hey, man, don't badmouth the head.
Marge: Homer, it's the thought that counts. The moral of the story is that a good deed is its own reward!
Bart: But we got a reward, the head is cool!
Marge: Well, then... guess the moral is, no good deed goes unrewarded.
Homer: Wait a minute! If I hadn't written that nasty letter we wouldn't have gotten anything.
Marge: Well, ummm... then I guess the moral is: the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Lisa: Perhaps there is no moral to this story.
Homer: Exactly! It's just a bunch of stuff that happened.
Marge: But it certainly was a memorable few days.
Homer: Amen to that.

— The Simpsons, "Blood Feud"

Squidina: Oh! Uh... that's our show! I hope you learned a lot about enemies. Or ice cream. Or toaster repair? See you next time!

— The Patrick Star Show, "Enemies a la Mode"

Real Life

I don’t know what Insurrection is about. Insurrection is a film that is telling you, "This is about something." "We are exploring an important topic," they keep saying. But what that important topic is, is a little unclear.

— Ron D. Moore on Star Trek: Insurrection

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