Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines
— King Missile, Jesus Was Way Cool
"Jesus ate with murderers and basically said 'So like, as long as you guys know what you did is wrong and you ask for my forgiveness you can come kick it with me in heaven some time.'"
— Kyle Martin
One thing I'll say for him: Jesus is cool.
— Caiaphas, Jesus Christ Superstar
Jesus is just all right with me!
Jesus is just all right, oh yeah!
Jesus is just all right, oh yeah!
— Doobie Brothers, Jesus Is Just All Right
Well, I bet he'd be cool
I bet He be damn good looking
I bet that He smelt divine
I bet He be damn good looking
I bet that He smelt divine
— Savage Garden, I'll Bet He Was Cool note
As a child I received instruction both in the Bible and in the Talmud. I am a Jew, but I am enthralled by the luminous figure of the Nazarene.
No one can read the Gospels without feeling the actual presence of Jesus. His personality pulsates in every word. No myth is filled with such life.
— Albert Einstein, interview with TIME Magazine, 1929
How do humanists feel about Jesus? I say of Jesus, as all humanists do. "If what he said is good, and so much of it is absolutely beautiful, what does it matter if he was God or not?"
But if Christ hadn't delivered the Sermon on the Mount, with its message of mercy and pity, I wouldn't want to be a human being. I'd just as soon be a rattlesnake.
— Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country
But before you fix your mouth and try to come with a retort, please be advised that Jesus never took a plea in court.
And he never had a plane,
And he never had a car,
And he never had a church that was visited by stars,
But he did have love for the poor and the thieves and he was in the street, kind of similar to me, nigga.
—Killer Mike, That's Life Part 2
We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first — rock 'n' roll or Christianity. Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
"I’ve come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out."
Crowley: What was it he said that got everyone so upset?
Aziraphale: "Be kind to each other."
Crowley: Oh yeah. That'll do it.
Aziraphale: "Be kind to each other."
Crowley: Oh yeah. That'll do it.
— Good Omens (2019), at the Crucifixion
"Oh, God was terrible. He was fierce and jealous. We all know the old stories of God, and we fear him. But, Joshua the Christ? His sacrifice was a lesson in how to love unconditionally. Which only makes sense. As my grandfather always said, we want our children to exceed us in everyway."
—Sypha Belnades, Castlevania (2017)
"If someone tries to calm you down by asking 'What would Jesus do?', remind them that kicking over tables and chasing people around with a whip is an option."
— Anonymous
"There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him early."
"If Christ were here now, there is one thing he would not be... a Christian!"
—Mark Twain, again
"I like your Christ; I don't like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
