Quotes / Irony

"'It's like rain on your wedding day.' Only if you're marrying a weatherman and he set the date."

"Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash."
Garland Greene, Con Air note 

"That's where the actual meaning is the exact opposite of the literal meaning."
"IN... COR... RECT."
Reality Bites, and The Nostalgia Chick's reaction

"Irony: The one form of humor that everyone thinks they understand, when actually no one really does. Truly, it is the cleverest joke ever played on mankind."

"The irony of a genderless creature with zero sex drive somehow surrounding itself with all manner of lewd women was so thick that one would probably need to dig through it with a pickaxe."

"'The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention'! Now that! Is! Irony!"
Bender, Futurama

Grif: So now we're forced to work together. How ironic.
Simmons: No, that's not ironic. Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other.
Donut: No, ironic would be instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnapped him.
Sarge: I think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets, but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds.
Caboose: I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron.
*two hours later*
Church: Okay. [slowly] We're all agreed that while the current situation is not totally ironic, the fact that we have to work together is odd in an unexpected way that defies our normal circumstances. Is everybody happy with that?
— The cast of Red vs. Blue debating over the meaning of "irony"

"You say, isn't it terrible about global warming? And I say, no, it's funny. We're going to bring on global warming because we ran too many leaky air conditioners? We used too much spray deodorant, so now we'll be doomed to sweat forever? That's not sad. That's irony. Note to Alanis: That is ironic."
Marco, Animorphs #15: The Escape

"Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence. If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is a coincidence. If Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father's, it will not be ironic. It will be a coincidence. Irony is "a state of affairs that is the reverse of what was to be expected; a result opposite to and in mockery of the appropriate result." For instance: a diabetic, on his way to buy insulin, is killed by a runaway truck. He is the victim of an accident. If the truck was delivering sugar, he is the victim of an oddly poetic coincidence. But if the truck was delivering insulin, ah! Then he is the victim of an irony. If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with Saddam Hussein's army and a long, difficult escape through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony writ large. Darryl Stingley, the pro football player, was paralyzed after a brutal hit by Jack Tatum. Now Darryl Stingley's son plays football, and if the son should become paralyzed while playing, it will not be ironic. It will be coincidental. If Darryl Stingley's son paralyzes someone else, that will be closer to ironic. If he paralyzes Jack Tatum's son, that will be precisely ironic."

"The upper echelons of irony should always include measures of sincerity. And if the satirical practice is executed faithfully it will achieve something bona fide in its own right regardless. Through an intense commitment bordering on religious devotion to the absolutely inane, absurd, or plain fucking stupid, a very different kind of sincerity begins to materialize. One of reverence to the ridiculous. You begin to 'mean it,' but what exactly it is you mean is never quite what appears on the surface, and is utterly inaccessible to obtuse and literal minds. That you 'mean it' then becomes inseparable from the joke, and additional rich strata of humor may be stripped aggressively from this irreconcilable truth."
Dirk Strider, Homestuck

"Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes."

"It's not really irony unless someone somewhere doesn't get it."

Asuka leaned into the kiss. She had lost much and suffered terribly, but from the ashes, she had risen anew. She had also gained so much. Things she had not dared to hope for in the past, a past that seemed like a lifetime ago. The irony of it all. Owing so much to two women she hardly considered as friends.
HERZ, chapter 2

"Do not be frivolous with this wealth. Please, do not waste it all on fast cars, and outrageous clothes, and the pursuit of a destructive lifestyle. Invest in Gotham. Treat its people like family. Watch over them and use this money to safeguard them from forces beyond their control."
— The Last Will and Testament of Thomas Wayne, Batman: Arkham Knight

Ironically, the Toreador wholeheartedly support the Nosferatu's kingdoms, espousing the truth of the proverb, "out of sight, out of mind." "Let the beasts rot in their holes," they sniff. "Better there than on the carpet at the Waldorf." It is equally ironic that the Nosferatu are usually no more than ten feet beneath the Toreador who say this, listening to every word and laughing gleefully.
Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Nosferatu

"A demon hiring a demon slayer... It's the joke of the century, don't ya think?"

Police Officer: How can you two be responsible for solving all these cases? I can't believe you get out of bed in the morning without hurting yourselves.
Shawn: No, but we do. And injury free since June of last year, when Gus broke his finger flipping the injury countdown calendar.
Shawn: Wait, that's irony, right?
Gus: Irony is you asking me what irony means every time you say it.

Brendan: You... you want me to... you think I might know a spell or something? Cure cancer?
Constantine: Uh-huh. That's it alright.
Brendan: Heh...
Constantine: What?
Brendan: Hahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Constantine: What the hell's so bloody funny? I'm sodding dying!
Brendan: [wiping tears from his eyes] Aw dear god, John.
Constantine: WHAT?
Brendan: You want me to save you with magic, right? Cure your cancer? John oul' son, I was going to ask the same thing of you. I'm dying, mate. The liver's packing up on me. Probably tonight.
Hellblazer: A Drop Of The Hard Stuff