Quotes / Irony

"'It's like rain on your wedding day.' Only if you're marrying a weatherman and he set the date."

— Ed Byrne slating Alanis Morissette

"Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash."

— Garland Greene, Con Air^note The song in question is "Sweet Home Alabama".

"That's where the actual meaning is the exact opposite of the literal meaning."
"IN... COR... RECT."

— Reality Bites, and The Nostalgia Chick's reaction

"Irony: The one form of humor that everyone thinks they understand, when actually no one really does. Truly, it is the cleverest joke ever played on mankind."

— Surviving The World, Lesson 618

"The irony of a genderless creature with zero sex drive somehow surrounding itself with all manner of lewd women was so thick that one would probably need to dig through it with a pickaxe."

—Everybody Loves Large Chests

"'The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention'! Now that! Is! Irony!"

— Bender, Futurama

Grif: So now we're forced to work together. How ironic.
Simmons: No, that's not ironic. Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other.
Donut: No, ironic would be instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnapped him.
Sarge: I think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets, but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds.
Caboose: I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron.
*two hours later*
Church: Okay. [slowly] We're all agreed that while the current situation is not totally ironic, the fact that we have to work together is odd in an unexpected way that defies our normal circumstances. Is everybody happy with that?

— The cast of Red vs. Blue debating over the meaning of "irony"

"You say, isn't it terrible about global warming? And I say, no, it's funny. We're going to bring on global warming because we ran too many leaky air conditioners? We used too much spray deodorant, so now we'll be doomed to sweat forever? That's not sad. That's irony. Note to Alanis: That is ironic."

— Marco, Animorphs #15: The Escape

"Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence. If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is a coincidence. If Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father's, it will not be ironic. It will be a coincidence. Irony is "a state of affairs that is the reverse of what was to be expected; a result opposite to and in mockery of the appropriate result." For instance: a diabetic, on his way to buy insulin, is killed by a runaway truck. He is the victim of an accident. If the truck was delivering sugar, he is the victim of an oddly poetic coincidence. But if the truck was delivering insulin, ah! Then he is the victim of an irony. If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with Saddam Hussein's army and a long, difficult escape through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony writ large. Darryl Stingley, the pro football player, was paralyzed after a brutal hit by Jack Tatum. Now Darryl Stingley's son plays football, and if the son should become paralyzed while playing, it will not be ironic. It will be coincidental. If Darryl Stingley's son paralyzes someone else, that will be closer to ironic. If he paralyzes Jack Tatum's son, that will be precisely ironic."

— George Carlin

"The upper echelons of irony should always include measures of sincerity. And if the satirical practice is executed faithfully it will achieve something bona fide in its own right regardless. Through an intense commitment bordering on religious devotion to the absolutely inane, absurd, or plain fucking stupid, a very different kind of sincerity begins to materialize. One of reverence to the ridiculous. You begin to 'mean it,' but what exactly it is you mean is never quite what appears on the surface, and is utterly inaccessible to obtuse and literal minds. That you 'mean it' then becomes inseparable from the joke, and additional rich strata of humor may be stripped aggressively from this irreconcilable truth."

— Dirk Strider, Homestuck

"Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes."

— Murdock, Airplane II: The Sequel

"It's not really irony unless someone somewhere doesn't get it."

— Tim Dowling, How the # became the sign of our times

Asuka leaned into the kiss. She had lost much and suffered terribly, but from the ashes, she had risen anew. She had also gained so much. Things she had not dared to hope for in the past, a past that seemed like a lifetime ago. The irony of it all. Owing so much to two women she hardly considered as friends.

—HERZ, chapter 2

"Do not be frivolous with this wealth. Please, do not waste it all on fast cars, and outrageous clothes, and the pursuit of a destructive lifestyle. Invest in Gotham. Treat its people like family. Watch over them and use this money to safeguard them from forces beyond their control."

— The Last Will and Testament of Thomas Wayne, Batman: Arkham Knight

Ironically, the Toreador wholeheartedly support the Nosferatu's kingdoms, espousing the truth of the proverb, "out of sight, out of mind." "Let the beasts rot in their holes," they sniff. "Better there than on the carpet at the Waldorf." It is equally ironic that the Nosferatu are usually no more than ten feet beneath the Toreador who say this, listening to every word and laughing gleefully.

—Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Nosferatu

"A demon hiring a demon slayer... It's the joke of the century, don't ya think?"

— Dante, Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne

Police Officer: How can you two be responsible for solving all these cases? I can't believe you get out of bed in the morning without hurting yourselves.
Shawn: No, but we do. And injury free since June of last year, when Gus broke his finger flipping the injury countdown calendar.
[Beat.]
Shawn: Wait, that's irony, right?
Gus: Irony is you asking me what irony means every time you say it.

—Psych

Brendan: You... you want me to... you think I might know a spell or something? Cure cancer?
Constantine: Uh-huh. That's it alright.
Brendan: Heh...
Constantine: What?
Brendan: Hahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Constantine: What the hell's so bloody funny? I'm sodding dying!
Brendan: [wiping tears from his eyes] Aw dear god, John.
Constantine: WHAT?
Brendan: You want me to save you with magic, right? Cure your cancer? John oul' son, I was going to ask the same thing of you. I'm dying, mate. The liver's packing up on me. Probably tonight.

—Hellblazer: A Drop Of The Hard Stuff

[looks up definition of "Irony" in the dictionary, finds this]

—YouTube comment on this Sonic X-treme promo video that proclaims Mario will soon be forgotten; the game itself was never released, but Super Mario 64 became a smash hit and set a standard for 3D platforming

Nolan: ...I'm not getting sex because you have to go work in a whorehouse.
Amanda: The irony is delicious.

— Defiance

"I can't believe it. You and Dad get paid to write about plants, and you hate dirt."

—Coraline Jones, Coraline

"You write 'Born to Kill' on your helmet and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?"

—Pogue Colonel, Full Metal Jacket

Marshall Straniero: Dellamorte, wait. For God's sake, wait! There's another maniac on the loose. He's on the 4th floor killing people. He already shot three. You got a gun! That's good. Now you can defend yourself. Hey, take my advice and get the hell out of here quick!
Francesco Dellamorte: STRANIERO! IT WAS ME!

—Cemetery Man

"Miranda has been working with EDI on crunching battle telemetry numbers, and EDI had an interesting thought. She suggested we may be overlooking older, proven technologies in an effort to provide you with the state of art. Normally I wouldn't give much credence to the idea, but when an AI criticizes you for loving high-tech, it gives one pause to consider."

— The Illusive Man on the M-96 Mattock, Mass Effect 2

There is nothing in this world so permanent as a temporary emergency.

—Robert A. Heinlein

"It would appear that the same thing that is keeping you alive is also killing you, Sir."

—Jarvis, Iron Man 2

"Can you see my dog, Bub? He was hit by an animal rescue van. Tragic and ironic."

—Neil, ParaNorman

"I had the least romantic night of my life with a romantics professor."

—Jesse Fischer, Liberal Arts

Traffic controller 1: Rescue and recovery is en route, full burn.
Traffic controller 2: Optimal route will cross lane five. I am making a hole for them.

crashed vessel suddenly explodes, leaving a crater

Traffic controller 1: You said "making a hole."
Traffic controller 2: I know the rules. I can't get written up for unintentional irony.

—Schlock Mercenary

"No money? 'Ow can I 'ave no money? My husband's a bloody bank robber!"

— Tracey Stubbs, Birds of a Feather, "Shift"

The same soft soil that caused the leaning and brought the tower to the verge of collapse helped it survive.

—The Other Wiki on how the Leaning Tower of Pisa survived earthquakes

"I should never've employed a bachelor to give advice to married couples."

— Robinson, Carry On Loving

"Kinda funny. We've had The End featured on two lists... and yet, he wasn't at the end of any of 'em."

—- Josh Scorcher, "Top Ten Longest Bosses"

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