Harmony Star: There's no such thing! Think about it: a guy who flies around the whole world in one night. It just doesn't quite correspond to the laws of time and travel.
Ernest P. Worrell: Now, now, now, now, now, it's possible. You take the International Date Line, multiply it by the Time Zones, divided by the accelerated rotation of the earth... uh, carry the 1, and, uh, allowing for the Vernal Equinox on the Tropic of Cancer, he might just pull it off.
Ernest P. Worrell: Now, now, now, now, now, it's possible. You take the International Date Line, multiply it by the Time Zones, divided by the accelerated rotation of the earth... uh, carry the 1, and, uh, allowing for the Vernal Equinox on the Tropic of Cancer, he might just pull it off.
Stewie: This was one house! We've been here an hour and a half! AN HOUR AND A—First of all, we're not even Santa anymore, this has been a home invasion. But, an hour and a half, Brian! It's gonna be light in six hours and we have to deliver to the whole rest of the world! There's two apartment buildings on this block alone!
Brian: No wonder Santa lost his mind! This is ridiculous! We can't do this!
Stewie: Nobody can! It's inhuman!
Brian: No wonder Santa lost his mind! This is ridiculous! We can't do this!
Stewie: Nobody can! It's inhuman!
— Family Guy, "Road to the North Pole"
Max: Did you know there are over two billion children in the world?
Goofy: Hmm, no wonder I keep trippin' over rollerskates.
Max: That means Santa would have to make, like, 800 visits a second, not including bathroom breaks.
Goofy: Wall, I guess ol' Santy's been at it so long, he figured out all the shortcuts.
Goofy: Hmm, no wonder I keep trippin' over rollerskates.
Max: That means Santa would have to make, like, 800 visits a second, not including bathroom breaks.
Goofy: Wall, I guess ol' Santy's been at it so long, he figured out all the shortcuts.
"There's not just one Santa delivery team. How could there be? There are five hundred and twenty six million, four hundred and three thousand and twelve children all expecting presents before tomorrow morning. So, hmm, that's twenty two million children per hour. It's impossible! Obviously, I've got a second sled."
— Santa Claus, Doctor Who, "Last Christmas"
Nun: For a happy man, you look perplexed.
Jarod: Well, the truth is, I am. Have you read this?
Nun: The Night Before Christmas? It's a classic.
Jarod: It's very good, but I'm a little confused about something. Now, if Santa Claus were to deliver a present to every child on Earth, he'd have to visit 830 homes a second, which would mean his reindeer would have to travel about 700 miles per second, and he'd have 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, to crawl down the chimney, to pass out the presents, and to eat cookies and milk. And for a middle-aged, overweight man, that's quite a feat.
Nun: [chuckles] Santa works in mysterious ways.
Jarod: But it's so fantastical, why would anybody believe it?
Nun: It's Christmas, Jarod. Anything's possible.
Jarod: Well, the truth is, I am. Have you read this?
Nun: The Night Before Christmas? It's a classic.
Jarod: It's very good, but I'm a little confused about something. Now, if Santa Claus were to deliver a present to every child on Earth, he'd have to visit 830 homes a second, which would mean his reindeer would have to travel about 700 miles per second, and he'd have 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, to crawl down the chimney, to pass out the presents, and to eat cookies and milk. And for a middle-aged, overweight man, that's quite a feat.
Nun: [chuckles] Santa works in mysterious ways.
Jarod: But it's so fantastical, why would anybody believe it?
Nun: It's Christmas, Jarod. Anything's possible.
— The Pretender, "Not Even a Mouse"
"Dear Santa, are you real? If you live at the North Pole, how come I can't see your house when I look on Google Earth? Are you Saint Nicholas? Because you would be very old! How do you have time to read all the letters from all the children in the world? How many cookies and mince pies have you eaten in all of history? How do you get all the presents in the sack? Does your sack have to get bigger every year because of exponential population growth? And how do you get down the chimneys? I put my head in mine and it is really small! Even if you could squeeze down it in just one minute, there are also nine other houses on my block so that would make it about ten minutes and there are millions of roads in the world! It must be so hard being Santa these days. What if, after all that, I am staying at my Grandma's? Santa, how can you get round the world in just one night? My friends say you would have to go so fast that it would make you and the sleigh and the reindeer all burn up! For Christmas, I would love a pink Twinkle bike with stabilisers, but please do not bring it if it makes you and the reindeer burn."
— Gwen, Arthur Christmas
"Factoring in sleigh speed, time zone changes, and reindeer bathroom breaks, it is scientifically impossible for this so-called *(air quotes)* 'Kris Kringle' to deliver gifts to the approximately one billion qualifying children. As you can see, X equals no stinkin' way!"
— Lisa Loud, The Loud House, "11 Louds a Leapin'"
Grover: "Chris, if Santa has to deliver all those presents to boys and girls on Christmas Eve, how does he get down the chimney?"
Chris: "Easy!"
Grover: "With all the presents; the big bag of presents. All the presents. How?"
Chris: "He comes down with his reindeers!"
Grover: (after a pause) "All the reindeer join him down the chimney?"
Chris: "Yes!"
Grover: "You mean it's a party?"
Chris: "They will all come down, put the presents, then they go up."
Grover: "Don't the antlers get stuck?"
Chris: "No."
Grover: "Why?"
Chris: "He ties the antlers together with tape."
(later)
Girl 1: "Maybe he's magic and he goes small."
(later)
Boy: "He gets his keys."
Grover: "What keys?"
Boy: "Santa Claus keys."
Grover: "What happens though, if Santa cannot get down the chimney, cannot get through the door— it is locked— and he cannot get in the window 'cause the window is locked, and will never bring the presents ever again?"
Girl 2: "I don't know. Maybe they'll move."
Girl 3: "He pushes the button. Then it's opened. Then he gets in, then he steps on the big step, then he goes in!"
Cheech: And dig this, man, he did it all in one night, man!
Chong: Hey, just a minute, man, how'd he do that, man?
Cheech: Oh, well, man, he took the freeway!
Chong: Hey, just a minute, man, how'd he do that, man?
Cheech: Oh, well, man, he took the freeway!
— Cheech & Chong, "Santa Claus and His Old Lady"
