"I am Dr. Mario and I prescribe high-fives
Laughter's the best medicine, so— (backhands patient) BWAHAHA, you fell down"
"I became a doctor for the same four reasons everybody does; chicks, money, power, and chicks."
— Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox, Scrubs
"Hey, Wilson! I'm gonna go cut some cripple's eye out! Wanna come watch?"
— Dr. Gregory House, House
"In the words of the philosopher Scepturn, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?"
— Dr. James "Mossy" Lawn, Night Watch
"Those people seem to have the mistaken idea that doctors are volunteer workers, or something like that. Our priority is to progress as medical scholars before we save lives."
— Director Heinemann, Monster
Patient's father: How can you treat someone without meeting them?
House: It's easy if you don't give a crap about them.
Q: What's the difference between God and a surgeon?
A: God doesn't think he's a surgeon.
— Traditional pre-op joke.
"Fine, die all on your own. I'll phone a mortician."
— Doctor (if you can't afford their services), MOTHER
"Hurry up! What are you missing a leg or some... oh..."
"Attention passengers, the local time... doesn't matter since you'll be dead soon anyway."
"WE'RE HIT!!! WE'RE HIT!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! WE'RE...haha! Just kidding! Should've seen the looks on your faces!"
"Walk it off!"
"Welcome aboard. Are you an organ donor?"
"Oh suck it up! You act like you got BOTH arms blown off!"
— Terran medivac, Starcraft II
"Rub some dirt on it, ya wimp."
— Support Soldier using a medkit, XCOM: Enemy Unknown