Quotes / Diamond Axe Studios Music

I was done with the rest of this video about a week ago, but I had to delay the release because I had no idea the best way for me to talk about this song.
At first, I knew exactly what I wanted to say about this song. After all, it does make me more angry and uncomfortable than “Tunnel Vision” does by quite a large margin. I originally wrote down a script that detailed everything I hated about this song, and I actually already had the nearly 10-minute-long segment recorded and edited. I let myself get really angry and just let my hatred towards this song totally loose. I was just about to upload it to YouTube when I decided to show it to a friend of mine, who has always enjoyed my videos but is always there to point out ways that I need to improve. And while he thought that the rest of the video was pretty good, when it came to the section on this song, he absolutely hated it.
When I asked him why, he explained to me that, as somebody who had been through depression himself, he actually found the song to be a big help to him. I had a hard time wrapping my head around this because, as somebody who has been through depression myself, I thought that this song was horribly unpleasant, uncomfortable, and exploitative. We ended up getting into a big argument about whether or not this song was any good, and we both left angry. At the time, I was absolutely furious, and I was close to posting the original video just out of spite. However, after talking to some other people about it, I was able to take a step back, and then I realized something: it wasn’t just this song that made me angry. It was everybody’s reaction to it.
Logic was getting praise from all sides for being brave enough to tackle this issue, whereas, in my view, the song’s making a profit for someone who’s never been depressed in his life by talking about the issue in an oversimplified and frankly insulting way. Because of this, my original section on this song was not only trying to prove that this song was awful, but that the people who are finding solace in it were wrong for finding solace in it. I now realize that that was a mistake. If you were one of the thousands of people who were helped by this song, and especially if it made you aware of the suicide hotline for the first time, then I’m happy for you and I’m glad that the song exists for your sake. However, for me, I feel like this is one of the few songs that has legitimately made my life worse for existing, and I can say that this is, simply put, my least favorite song of all time.
Now, given the circumstances, I really don’t feel comfortable detailing all the reasons why that is, so instead, if you want to know my thoughts on this, I’m gonna ask you to go watch two other videos. The first is Kumerai Fang’s list of the worst songs of 2017. Not only is it a great all-around video, but the part where she talks about this song in particular is really powerful, and I agree with, sympathize with, and can relate to everything she said. The second is Bed Reviews’ video on this song. The video addresses pretty much every single problem I have with this song’s concept, execution, and background, and I’d go as far as to say that it’s one of the single best pieces of music criticism that I’ve ever seen.
Before I wrap up, though, I feel like I should explain to you guys at least the main reason why I despise this song so much. Like I said, I have been depressed before; pretty badly depressed. Full disclosure, I once called the suicide hotline. Not because I was actually planning on hurting myself in that moment, but because despite the fact that I had a lot of friends and family that loved me, at the time, I had never felt more alone in my life. I just felt like I was incapable of ever being happy again, and I just needed to talk to somebody who understood what was going on in my head and who could help me figure out what to do. I bring this up because I feel like that’s an aspect of the hotline that not enough people know about. It’s not just a last-ditch resort thing for when you’re seconds away from taking your own life. Most of the people who work there have been through depression themselves. They know what you’re going through. They understand what’s going on in your mind, because they’ve been there, and honestly, sometimes just talking to someone else who has been there who understands what you’re going through can be an absolutely massive help. I know it was for me, at least.
But anyways, after Logic’s awful, awful VMA performance, “1-800” rocketed up the charts. All the radio stations wanted to help the cause and spread awareness, so this song managed to peak at #3 on the Hot 100, in large part due to radio play. So, here was me, a person who was recovering from depression, and now every time I turned on the radio in my car, or went into a supermarket, or a gas station, or anywhere else that had a radio playing, I had a pretty good chance of hearing this:

♪I don’t wanna be alive / I don’t wanna be alive / I just wanna die today / I just wanna die / I don’t wanna be alive / I don’t wanna be alive / I just wanna die / And let me tell you why♪

This song essentially turned the entire world into an echo chamber of the darkest and scariest thoughts I have ever had. Every time I heard that chorus, I was brought back to that terrible, terrible place that I was desperately trying to forget. That, more than anything else, was what solidified this song as my least favorite song, not just of 2017, but of all time.
I now realize, though, that that is just me. If you were one of the people who was helped by this song, and it helped you to overcome depression, then honestly, more power to you, and I sincerely hope that you never, ever have to return to that place again.

—Sean’s heartbreaking essay on all of his thoughts about his least favorite song of all time: “1-800-273-8255” by Logic

You could literally have a bunch of people write two dozen completely random lyrical phrases without talking to each other, and that wouldn't make this song^note "Astronaut in the Ocean" by Masked Wolf any less sense! And the reason I know that is because, well...

The Double Agent: Watcha know about Radiohead's hit song "Creep"?
Outside Lane: When you do that jump, you can feel the natural breeze.
Unorthodox Individual: He's employee of the month, SpongeBob's got that devotion.
Ultranatic Productions: Man, I could use some Cucumber Melon Lotion!
Mikeramp72: Ay, why I am about to fall asleep?
Brandon Croker: When you make that dough, you can call yourself Big Cheese.
The Wonky Angle: When these people talk too much...
Dr. Eggman: GIVE MYSELF A PROMOTION!
Kumerai Fang: Yeah, I feel like brewin' a witch's potion!

Mr. 96: She say "Da-Ba-Dee", I'm like, nah, that's Blue!
TDA: I believe in B-O-B, don't believe in G-L-O-B-E.
Cicabeot1: She keep chewin' her gum, I'mma make her lip numb!
Loeko: I can't find my pencil, Where the fuck is my fuckin' pencil?
Lydia Valentino (fka King of the Void): Got the Gout from sauerkraut.
Actually Not Hayden: I just wiped out Tomato Town.
Marcus the Toast: Killing friends at the speed of sound.
The Mode Reviews: Sean Fay-Wolfe is in your house.
Ben Eales: Tunnel to the core likes Jules G Verne.
RGS: Joe was cool, but I like Steve Burns!
Camz Critiques: Mainstream music is so diverse.
Lyzette G: Big-ass suit like David Byrne.
Sean: That new song from Meg just came on, I'mma twerk!
Bed Reviews: Watch me sip this lemonade for refreshment, I'mma squirt it!
Camz: People's tastes nowadays are eclectic!
Ultranatic: Love Cucumber Melon Lotion!
The Social Tune: Shadow Ball just got reflected, ay!
Cicabe: Put that shit in a frame, I just made you lose The Game!
Sean: Yeah, I bet it's been years since you thought about The Game!
LegendBTV: Gotta get the fame, chase it til I'm dead!
Mr. 69: Kylie Minogue said, "La la la la la"!
Bulk Noise: Kesha is my God, 'specially "Praying", holy days!
In The Furnace: Spin my head right, right round when you go down, ay!
Inanimate Mashups: Vibe with the song, it's not a dud!
TDA: We got "Bad Blood", Kendrick Lamar!
TheCHR83: Wanna piece of crap? A piece of shit? A load of shit? Won't you go suck a dick, dumb shit?
Ranter in Shades: Let's all rock out to Powerline!
Andrew Prep: Lost shit in the grapevine!
Sean: Everything you just heard was random, but was it really more coherent than...

Vanilla Ice: Watcha know about rolling down in the deep?
Barack Obama: When your brain goes numb, uh, you can call that "mental freeze".
David Pakman: When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion!
Xi Jinping, President of China: Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like an astronaut in the ocean?
Gilbert Gottfried: Waddaya know about rolling down in the deep?
Right Said Fred: When your brain goes numb, you can call that "sexy freeze".
Princess Azula: When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion!
Chuck Fucking Norris: Yeah, I feel like an astronaut in the ocean!

—The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2021 (Part 1) - later released on streaming platforms under the title "Cucumber Melon Lotion"

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