John: Hello, learned and astonishingly attractive pupils. My name is John Green, and I wanna welcome you to Crash Course World History. Over the next forty weeks, together we will learn how over a mere 15,000 years humans went from hunting and gathering-
Me-From-The-Past: Mister Green, Mister Green, Mis- I-is this gonna be on the test?
John: Yeah, about the test. The test will measure whether you are an informed, engaged, and productive citizen of the world, and it will take place in schools, and bars, and hospitals, and dorm rooms, and in places of worship. You will be tested on first dates, in job interviews, while watching football, and while scrolling through your Twitter feed. The test will judge your ability to think about things other than celebrity marriages, whether you'll be easily persuaded by empty political rhetoric, and whether you'll be able to place your life and your community in a broader context. The test will last your entire life, and it will be comprised of the millions of decisions which when taken together, make your life yours. And everything— everything—will be on it.
Me-From-The-Past: Mister Green, Mister Green, Mis- I-is this gonna be on the test?
John: Yeah, about the test. The test will measure whether you are an informed, engaged, and productive citizen of the world, and it will take place in schools, and bars, and hospitals, and dorm rooms, and in places of worship. You will be tested on first dates, in job interviews, while watching football, and while scrolling through your Twitter feed. The test will judge your ability to think about things other than celebrity marriages, whether you'll be easily persuaded by empty political rhetoric, and whether you'll be able to place your life and your community in a broader context. The test will last your entire life, and it will be comprised of the millions of decisions which when taken together, make your life yours. And everything— everything—will be on it.
—Crash Course World History, Introduction
John: Today, we discuss one of the most confusing questions in American History: What caused the Civil War? Just kidding, it's not a confusing question at all: Slavery caused the Civil War.
Me-From-The-Past: Mister Green, Mister Green, but what about like States' Rights and Nationalism, Economics...?
John: Me-From-The-Past, in your senior year of high school, you will be taught American Government by Mister Fleming, a white southerner who will seem to you to be about a hundred and eighty-two years old. And you will say something to him in class about States' Rights, and Mister Fleming will turn to you and he will say "A State's Right to what, sir?", and for the first time in your snotty little life you will be well and truly speechless.
Me-From-The-Past: Mister Green, Mister Green, but what about like States' Rights and Nationalism, Economics...?
John: Me-From-The-Past, in your senior year of high school, you will be taught American Government by Mister Fleming, a white southerner who will seem to you to be about a hundred and eighty-two years old. And you will say something to him in class about States' Rights, and Mister Fleming will turn to you and he will say "A State's Right to what, sir?", and for the first time in your snotty little life you will be well and truly speechless.
—Crash Course US History, The Election of 1860 and the Road to Disunion
Hank: When you think of fictional realities where different universes of discourse meet, like the DC/Marvel crossovers, you're actually engaging in some pretty serious ontological ponderings. [Beat] ...that was the nerdiest thing I've ever said.
Stan: ...and you have said some nerdy things!..
Hank: That was like, top of the list.
Stan: ...and you have said some nerdy things!..
Hank: That was like, top of the list.
—Crash Course Philosophy Outtakes #4
John: If you think those are easy questions to answer, then I haven't been doing my job.
—Crash Course World History ep. 17 ("Wait for it... The Mongols!"),
("Wait for it... The Mongols!"),