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Quotes: Captain Obvious Aesop

Fiction

"You have to admire the people who sing [protest] songs, it takes a certain amount of courage to get up... and come out in favor of the things everyone else in the audience is against. Like peace and justice and brotherhood and so on."
Tom Lehrer, "The Folk Song Army"

"The lesson here is obvious: Don't hold loaded guns in exploding rooms."
The Narrator, MythBusters

"Sometimes an unpublished author will stake out a position that is shared by everyone else in the world and defend it as if he stood embattled and alone. As he stridently argues with what he seems to think of as a recalcitrant audience that it is bad to be unkind to animals, the reader balks and eventually rebels. Yes, you have a point — but why are you shouting at us?"

Real Life

"After Stalin's death, especially after XX Party Congress, a multitude of antistalinists appeared in Soviet Union. [...] If antistalinism of Khrushchev era still deserved some leniency since destalinization of the country was underway, antistalinism of Gorbachev era deserves nothing but scorn. Everything is good in its season. I consider real antistalinists only those who rebelled against stalinism while this was deadly dangerous."
Aleksandr Zinoviev, The Russian Fate: The confession of a dissident

"The general feel of artsyness makes me think Velvet Assassin is trying to make a point, but I'm not sure what that point is. Possibly that the Nazis were bad? Yeah, we figured that out around the Normandy Landings."
Yahtzee, Zero Punctuation

"Other websites like to tiptoe around the issue, but we've never hesitated to come out and just say it: The Nazis were bad."

"Irish are good hardworking folk…thanks for that."
Doc Oho on Star Trek: The Next Generation, "Up the Long Ladder"

"The lead child actor of the film is young Jenny who has fallen asleep reading Child Marriage is a Crime. I heard the alternate title for the book is Fucking DUH!"

"Oh, my word, how could I have been blind to the possibilities! Doing good? With money?

What unimaginable creativity. No wonder you are worth millions of dollars a year!"
Sadly, No! rebuts David Brooks

"You hear that, Senator Wendy Davis? SITCHO ASS DOWN. We don’t need your weak-ass attempt at blocking abortion legislation; we got Miley, and she’s telling us not to be scared of anything. Whaddup, Malala; you think you’re a feminist for trying to go to school in a place where girls are banned from school? BIG WHOOP. Get back to me when you get into deep feminist shit like going topless at the beach. Listen up women (and womyn), Miley has spoken! ...Miley needs to check herself if she thinks she’s the biggest feminist in the world; bitch please, you aren’t even the biggest feminist to come out of Disney. Miley needs to show fucking respect and bow down to Disney’s Queen B of Feminism, Mrs. Banks from Mary Poppins."

"Time after time, Hollywood just peddles out movies like The Pianist and The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas — all offering the groundbreaking moral that the Holocaust was bad!"
Overheard rant on Oscar Bait.


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