Quotes / Captain Obvious Aesop

Literature

"Sometimes an unpublished author will stake out a position that is shared by everyone else in the world and defend it as if he stood embattled and alone. As he stridently argues with what he seems to think of as a recalcitrant audience that it is bad to be unkind to animals, the reader balks and eventually rebels. Yes, you have a point — but why are you shouting at us?"

Live-action TV

"I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good."
Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Welcome to the Hellmouth")

"The lesson here is obvious: Don't hold loaded guns in exploding rooms."
The Narrator, MythBusters

Music

"You have to admire the people who sing them; it takes a certain amount of courage to get up and come out in favor of the things everyone else in the audience is against. Like peace and justice and brotherhood and so on."
Tom Lehrer on protest songs, "The Folk Song Army"

Web Original

"By the end the only unquestionably good lesson anyone should take from it is that having your cake and eating it too is very possible in autobiographical narratives. Also... It's good to have more confidence, be somewhat bolder and have fun while dating. The negative lessons that most guys probably take from the book are too numerous to list here."
Rational Wiki on The Art of the Game

"The general feel of artsyness makes me think Velvet Assassin is trying to make a point, but I'm not sure what that point is. (Possibly that the Nazis were bad? Yeah, we figured that out around the Normandy Landings.)"

"There's a very subtle message steeped within the lore of the film's universe, and not many people get that. The message is that near-future dystopian city-states are bad, and bad men do bad things in them. Really makes you think, doesn't it?"

"And then, in a truly brilliant closing exchange, we learn that this whole godforsaken experience has reminded Tom that he needs to (brace yourselves for originality!) believe in himself. I honestly can't believe they got anyone to say these lines without curling into a fetal position out of sheer embarrassment."

Paris: It seems, Captain, that I still have a few barriers to break. I just hope they're not theoretical impossibilities.
Janeway: Somehow, I don't think they will be.

"Oh god, the pain! The pain! End! End! End!"
The Agony Booth on Star Trek: Voyager, "Threshold"

"And not that we needed it, but now that the final note has sounded we can say conclusively that the Superman mythology was only ever a low-risk (because of the built-in fan base and richness of material to mine) backdrop for advancing the wholly unoriginal proposition that every great man has a great woman behind him, an idea that would seem to exult in women by implying that they are simply great on their own but that actually uses them as basically undeveloped, and therefore static, props in the service of men."

"The problem, to be blunt, comes when Black Mirror embraces technology, which it does with tedious half-heartedness. The second season episode “Be Right Back” is illustrative...Surely it is not controversial to suggest that this is a bit shit. That a biting satire or a black mirror held up to society in the year 2013 could maybe stand to have something more to say than “we aren’t entirely honest about who we are on Facebook.” That damn kids get off my lawn is, simply put, just not a gripping point."
Phil Sandifer, “Social media’s kind of artificial, isn’t it?”

"Oh, my word, how could I have been blind to the possibilities! Doing good? With money?

What unimaginable creativity. No wonder you are worth millions of dollars a year!"
Cerberus rebuts David Brooks

"You hear that, Senator Wendy Davis? SITCHO ASS DOWN. We don’t need your weak-ass attempt at blocking abortion legislation; we got Miley, and she’s telling us not to be scared of anything. Whaddup, Malala; you think you’re a feminist for trying to go to school in a place where girls are banned from school? BIG WHOOP. Get back to me when you get into deep feminist shit like going topless at the beach. Listen up women (and womyn), Miley has spoken!."

Web Video

"The lead child actor of the film is young Jenny who has fallen asleep reading Child Marriage Is a Crime. I heard the alternate title for the book is Fucking DUH!"

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/CaptainObviousAesop