"Good news, everyone! The University is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait, that's not good news at all."
— Farnsworth, Futurama
"This 'bright side' of yours is gloomy and smells funny."
— Sergeant Schlock, Schlock Mercenary
Doythaban: Look on the bright side. You can have everybody on board transmit their wills and next-of-kin notes out here to us.
Captain Tagon: I hope I live through this, if only so I get the chance to cheer you up sometime.
"I think this is a docking station! Get ready... (container smashes into a wall, things break apart) Good news: that is NOT a docking station! So there's one mystery solved."
—Wheatley, Portal 2
"Good news for people who love bad news"
— "Bury Me With It", Modest Mouse
You have AIDS
Yes you have AIDS
I hate to tell ya boy that you have AIDS
You've got the AIDS
You may have got it when you stuck that filthy needle in here
Or maybe all that unprotected sex put you here, it isn't clear
But what we're certain of is you have AIDS
Yes you have AIDS
Not HIV but full blown AIDS...
Be sure that you see
That this is not HIV
But full...blown...AIDS
Not HIV but really full...blown...AIDS
(I'm sorry I wish it was something less serious)
But it's AIDS
You've got the A-I-Ds!
Yes you have AIDS
I hate to tell ya boy that you have AIDS
You've got the AIDS
You may have got it when you stuck that filthy needle in here
Or maybe all that unprotected sex put you here, it isn't clear
But what we're certain of is you have AIDS
Yes you have AIDS
Not HIV but full blown AIDS...
Be sure that you see
That this is not HIV
But full...blown...AIDS
Not HIV but really full...blown...AIDS
(I'm sorry I wish it was something less serious)
But it's AIDS
You've got the A-I-Ds!
—Peter Griffin and a barbershop quartet, Family Guy
"Er. Hm. Oh! Good news, lady: you're single!"
— Oghren, Dragon Age: Origins
"Terrible news, everyone, Rotface is dead! But great news everyone, he left behind plenty of ooze for me to use! Whaa...? I'm a poet, and I didn't know it? Astounding!"
"More trips through the bowels of Cedars-Sinai. This time to a special radiation room. Howard's head was bolted in place against a piece of metal as the gamma rays were zapped at his skull theoretically knocking out remnants of the original cancer .. As always, I was struck by the euphoric good humor of the various oncologists, as cancer specialists are known. Since most of their patients will die more soon than late, they exude a depersonalized charm that is positively presidential in its effect."
— Gore Vidal, Point to Point Navigation
"Looking back, I notice that I started this paragraph with 'there's some good news.' I don't know why I did that."
April: My nearest neighbors are about four miles away. I need to get to a phone and call my boss.
Casey Jones: You mean Charles?
April: Yes—how did you know that?
Casey Jones: He left a message on your machine just before we got out...
April: And?
Casey Jones: Well, hey, you just saved yourself an eight-mile round-tripper. Um... You were fired.
April: I just saved myself?
Casey Jones: Mm-hm.
Donatello, Michaelangelo: Uh-oh.
Casey Jones: I was just trying to break it to you easy.
April: Well, you failed miserably!
"Heeey, guys.... Listen, they're telling me the, uhh, the generators can't take it. Ship's breaking up and all that. Just FYI."
— Fred Kwan, Galaxy Quest
Michael: Everything okay?
Janet: (cheerfully) Nope!
"So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't."
— Stephen Colbert, 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner, April 29, 2006
[cheerily] Gentlemen, I've got news for you. This lighthouse is under attack and by morning we might all be dead!
— The Fourth Doctor, Doctor Who, "Horror of Fang Rock"
And now we have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that stock markets have fallen, but the good news is that these graphs will tell you all about it in a form of a song.
— Newscaster, The Amazing World of Gumball, "The News"
Sheriff of Rottingham: Sire, I have news!
Prince John: And what sort of news do you have? It's not bad news, is it? You know I can't take bad news. The day started out so good. I had a good night's sleep, I had a good B.M. I don't want to hear any bad news. Now, what kind of news is it?
Sheriff of Rottingham: Well, to be perfectly frank, it's bad.
Prince John: I knew it! I knew it would be bad news. Wait, I have an idea. Maybe if you tell me the bad news in a good way, it wouldn't sound so bad.
Sheriff of Rottingham: The bad news in a good way. Yes, yes, I can do that. The bad news in a good way. Well, here it goes. [hysterically] Ha! Ha! Ha! W-wait till you hear this! I just saw Robin of Locksley, he's back from the crusades. [laughs] You know, he just beat the crap out of me and my men. [laughs] He hates you and he loves your brother, Richard! [laughs] And... [laughs] ... he wants to see you hanged! [laughs and snorts loudly] We, we're in an awful lot of trouble! [laughs]
Prince John: What, are you crazy?! Why are you laughing?! This is terrible news!
Prince John: And what sort of news do you have? It's not bad news, is it? You know I can't take bad news. The day started out so good. I had a good night's sleep, I had a good B.M. I don't want to hear any bad news. Now, what kind of news is it?
Sheriff of Rottingham: Well, to be perfectly frank, it's bad.
Prince John: I knew it! I knew it would be bad news. Wait, I have an idea. Maybe if you tell me the bad news in a good way, it wouldn't sound so bad.
Sheriff of Rottingham: The bad news in a good way. Yes, yes, I can do that. The bad news in a good way. Well, here it goes. [hysterically] Ha! Ha! Ha! W-wait till you hear this! I just saw Robin of Locksley, he's back from the crusades. [laughs] You know, he just beat the crap out of me and my men. [laughs] He hates you and he loves your brother, Richard! [laughs] And... [laughs] ... he wants to see you hanged! [laughs and snorts loudly] We, we're in an awful lot of trouble! [laughs]
Prince John: What, are you crazy?! Why are you laughing?! This is terrible news!
"Then there won't be any delay in branding you with Coven sigils and taking you away from your friends and family forever! Hooray!"
— Hunter, The Owl House, "Any Sport in a Storm"
[cheerily] "I've just been informed... that all of your children are missing!"
— Principal Rosalie Mullins, School of Rock
