Quotes: Bad News in a Good Way

"Good news, everyone! The University is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait, that's not good news at all."
Farnsworth, Futurama

"This 'bright side' of yours is gloomy and smells funny."
Sergeant Schlock, Schlock Mercenary

Doythaban: "Look on the bright side. You can have everybody on board transmit their wills and next-of-kin notes out here to us."
Captain Tagon: "I hope I live through this, if only so I get the chance to cheer you up sometime."

"I want people to know that they have two out of three branches of government working for them and that ain't bad."
The President, Mars Attacks!

"Good news for people who love bad news"
Bury Me With It, Modest Mouse

"Er. Hm. Oh! Good news, lady: you're single!"

"Terrible news, everyone, Rotface is dead! But great news everyone, he left behind plenty of ooze for me to use! Whaa...? I'm a poet, and I didn't know it? Astounding!"
Professor Putricide (copying Farnsworth), World of Warcraft

"More trips through the bowels of Cedars-Sinai. This time to a special radiation room. Howard's head was bolted in place against a piece of metal as the gamma rays were zapped at his skull theoretically knocking out remnants of the original cancer .. As always, I was struck by the euphoric good humor of the various oncologists, as cancer specialists are known. Since most of their patients will die more soon than late, they exude a depersonalized charm that is positively presidential in its effect."
Gore Vidal, Point to Point Navigation

"Looking back, I notice that I started this paragraph with 'there's some good news.' I don't know why I did that."
xkcd What If: Into the Sun

April: My nearest neighbors are about four miles away. I need to get to a phone and call my boss.
Casey Jones: You mean Charles?
Casey Jones: He left a message on your machine just before we got out...
April: And?
Casey Jones: Well, hey, you just saved yourself an eight-mile round-tripper. Um... You were fired.
April: I just saved myself?
Casey Jones: Mm-hm.
Donatello, Michaelangelo: Uh-oh.
Casey Jones: I was just trying to break it to you easy.
April: Well, you failed miserably!