Quotes: Armoured Closet Gay

Some years later Murphy would apologise for these jokes in his routine. And we all know the sterling work Murphy has since made in out-reach projects to the transgender community.

Racists never imagine what it's like to be like the person they hate, homophobes imagine it in graphic detail for hour upon hour.
Bob Schooley

Best in Russian police at find illegal homosexual dens. Almost strangely best.

family values: Code term for bible-thumping, self-loathing, closeted homosexuals who troll public restrooms for sex. Republican senators and congressmen appear to have an inordinate fondness for this expression.

Ex: I'm going to the truck stop to practice my family values.


What I learned from that video is that Kirk Cameron has pretty much always been obsessed with gay sex and he’s more obsessed with gay sex than I am! That’s saying a lot, because my usual thought pattern looks like this: Gay sex, gay sex, gay sex, gay sex, straight sex, gay sex, Martika, Golden Girls, kittens, In-N-Out, gay sex, weed, gay sex, gay, sex.
Michael K.,"Kirk Cameron on How to Talk to Gay People"

Ted Haggard, who is not gay and known for saying that “evangelicals have the best sex life of any group, is best known for being exposed as a methamphetamine user and a regular customer of Denver's male prostitutes ...After a month of, well, therapy, however, he was pronounced 100% heterosexual

Let me tell you a little story. It's about you. You are what we call a "late in life"-gay. You are going to stay in the closet, get married, get drunk to have relations with your wife, have a couple of kids — maybe become a state senator or a deacon, and then get caught in the mens room, tapping your foot with some page.
Santana, who knows a little something about this trope herself, Glee

Roy: Roy Cohn is not a homosexual. Roy Cohn is a heterosexual man who fucks around with guys.
Henry: Okay, Roy.
Roy: And what are my diagnosis?
Henry: You have AIDS.
Roy: No. Henry, no. AIDS is what homosexuals have. I have liver cancer.

Look, if this gets out, it's over for me. I mean, forget about playing football. They'll run me outta this town. I mean, come on! How are people going to look at me after they find out I'm gay?!
Larry, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Phases"

"Dynamic Man said you couldn't throw a rock without hitting somebody in a mask and tights. 'And those are just the pansies in the German army,' he said, then added— 'They'd probably run even faster if they weren't wearing those stiletto heels.' Curt was always saying things like that. He made a point of saying them. Which made some of us wonder if maybe it was D.M. who had something besides his costume hidden deep in his closet."
The Phantom Reporter, The Twelve

"ANOTHER sanctimonious Republican lawmaker who will undoubtedly one day be caught tap-tap-tapping in a men's room somewhere."

King Marchand: How could you be gay? You're the roughest, toughest, son-of-a-bitchin' football player I ever knew.
Bernstein: Listen, King, if you didn't want guys to call you queer, you got rough, tough, son-of-a-bitchin' football player.

"How do you know when a rabid, virile anti-gay activist is in fact gay? And y'know, the answer is well duh."
Roy Zimmerman

Begbie Look, I'm no a fuckin' bufty, and that's the end of it
Renton Lets face it, itnote  could have been wonderful.
(Begbie pins Renton to the wall and jams a knife into the wall between his legs)
Begbie Now listen to me you piece of junkie shit, a joke's a joke, but mention that again and I'll cut you up!

Mr. Garrison: Oh, stop filling his head with that queer-loving propaganda.
Chef: Say what?! You of all people should be sympathetic.
Mr. Garrison: What do you mean?
Chef: Well, you're gay aren't you?
Mr. Garrison: What?! What the hell are you talking about?! I am not gay.
Chef: Well, you sure do act like it.
Champ: You fellas remember that limp-wristed fairy that was supposed to do the financial reports?
Brian: Oh, yeah. We were 51% sure he was gay.
Champ: No, he was gay alright; I made out with him at the Christmas party.