Haiku / The Blues Brothers

A mission from God:
Use the blues to thwart nazis
and destroy cop cars.

"Illinois nazis
I hate illinois nazis"
Let's run them over!

Crowd's getting angry;
Band distracts them by playing
Minnie The Moocher.

A Mission From God, as told in Haiku

Mom died in childbirth
Maybe illegitimate
Orphanages suck

Picked up by a cop
Another boy abandoned
A ward of the state

Elwood taken in
By Jake, his new big brother
Change their names to “Blues”

Raised by God and nuns
A Cath-o-lic upbringing
They learn to raise Hell

Brothers not by blood
Learned music in a basement
Whipped by a Penguin

Black suit and white shirt
They too dress like the Penguin
But with sunglasses

Like a real father
The janitor named Curtis
Gave them both some booze

In and out of jail
They’re such a disappointment
To Sister Mary

Out there in the world
They live their lives for music
Cheap booze and women

One drove cars too fast
The other loved fast women
Both broke down easy

Jake lands in the slam
Robbed for a room service bill
Gun wasn’t loaded

Now the band has split
And Elwood trades the Caddy
For a microphone

In for three to five
He’s out on good behavior
Best keep his cot warm

Illinois Nazis
They hate Illinois Nazis
Run them off a bridge

Nothing but bad luck
Elwood was stopped for speeding
He knew they had SCMODS

Tries to outrun them
No way back to the highway
He drives through a mall

Chat with the penguin
Need money for back taxes
A mission from God

Jake needs just a day
She won’t take dirty money
Hits them with ruler

Need the cash real fast
From God they get the answer
Reunite the band

Matt “Guitar” Murphy
His old lady is angry
She tells him to think

Magictones join too
No candy ass monkey suits
No Ramada Room

Mr. Fabulous
He likes his high paying gig
He quits to play horns

With used equipment
The band is back together
Ray takes IO Us

The fat sound is back
It turns goat piss into gas
But they need a gig

Country Bob’s Bunker
They’ve got Country and Western
Both kinds of music

Good Ole Boys are mad
They drive a Winnebago
Got no union cards

Maury books a gig
The Palace Hotel Ballroom
The hall is a barn

Quick advertising
Out of gas and out of time
Elwood makes a date

They’re late for the gig
Sabotaging cars they stop
Elwood thinks ahead

Can’t get past the cops
Go through the ladies bathroom
Jake peeks into stalls

Troopers and Nazis
Parole officer waits too
Orange Whips for three

A few quick numbers
They get the cash and escape
Bluesmobile awaits

Stood up at the church
Jake’s fiancé is angry
Now she wants revenge

It wasn’t his fault
He was detained by locusts
Jake lifts an eyebrow

A full tank of gas
Dark, they’re wearing sunglasses
Jake tells him “Hit it!”

Back to Chicago
Must pay taxes by morning
High speed chase ensues

They outrun the law
Police cars don’t stand a chance
Elwood pulls over

Sweet Home Chicago
They’re almost at the courthouse
There’s a Picasso

Ask for directions
Muzak in elevator
Still one step ahead

Blockade door with desk
The Assessor’s still at lunch
Back in five minutes

SWAT Team has arrived
All available units
The boys are unarmed

Tax receipt in hand
The brothers are arrested
Not Elwood’s handcuffs

Orphanage is saved
Mission from God completed
Can’t pay for lawyers

In and out of jail
Revolving door of justice
Two recidivists
It's the Blues Brothers. They are back outta the joint. Got my cheese whiz, boy?
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