Funny / Watch_Dogs 2

---

• When you pick up Daredevil Liv for Driver San Francisco, she'll ask you what your name is. What does Marcus say? "Will Smith".
• Wrench's quips can be pretty damn funny.
  Marcus: "Is that the congressman?"
  Wrench: "No, I do believe that is a helicopter."
• In one mission where Marcus gets to steal a truck containing HAUM robot and takes it to Wrench.
  Wrench: Alright, well, I'll get this little fucker prepped while you go get us some caffeine.
  Marcus: Wait, you want me to get you two coffee?
  Wrench: No, he's a robot. I want you to get us caffeine.
  Marcus: Ok...
  Wrench: He'll take a decaf.
• This trailer, which showcases the reactions of YouTubers playing Watch Dogs 2, and how they indulge in Comedic Sociopathy and Video Game Cruelty Potential.
  H2O Delirious: (Witnessing a huge explosion) OH MY GOD! (Drives off) I didn't do it!
  Dashie Games: They having a nice stroll with her dog. (Uses gang hit on female NPC) I call a hit out on baby girl. (Gunshots and screaming woman, then cut back to the game where a car rolls down a hill after killing the female NPC) These dudes done jump.
  Azerrz: (Standing in front of a woman's car, causing her to honk in annoyance) Oh, am I blocking your f**kin' path? Well, move. (Hacks the woman's car, and causes it to reverse at full speed, plowing through a car behind her)
  I AM WILDCAT: (Witnessing a man pissing in the forest) Is that dude taking a piss? (Punches the pissing man out) Stop pissing!
  Moo Snuckel: (Pulls out taser) Here's what you get for using a selfie-stick! (ZAP!) Ahahaha!
  H2O Delirious: "Driving down the road- (Runs over people on the sidewalk) GET OUT DA WAY!"
• In an early side-mission, Marcus and DedSec use a ripped recording studio track clip and some very obvious soundboarding to prank a corrupt pharmaceutical CEO (and blatant Expy of Martin Shkreli) into "buying" what he thinks is the exclusive rights to a Kanye West expy's new rap album. Anyone who remembers Shkreli's attempt to buy "The Life of Pablo" will know where this is headed, but the best part is that here we get to see the exact moment when the penny finally drops and he realizes he's been scammed, complete with some extra trolling from DedSec to rub it in. And it is glorious. Wrench is shrieking like a banshee with laughter by the end.
  • And the kicker? He just "donated" $20,000,000 to curing the disease that his company makes overpriced medicines for.
• The bus ride to the Nudle campus involves its employees talking about juicing and "superfoods".
  Wrench: You know Marcus, there are times I wish I was out doing what you're doing... and then there's today.
  Marcus: Thanks, friend. I'm friggin' choking on the pretentiousness in here.
  T-Bone: And here I thought Blume employees were bad.
• The Cyberdriver smart-car has The Comically Serious dialogue. Everything you'd expect from Wrench, unfortunately.
  • It also inadvertantly makes a seemingly racist remark during a mission:
  CHIP: Your face is too dark for my sensors to read.
  Marcus: (offended) What? Bitch, I'm black and I'm proud. Tell your sensors to calibrate that.
  CHIP: I have no reference for "black".
  Marcus: No. Of course you don't.
  • The kicker is how Marcus gets into an Adorkable gush over how surprisingly cogent the car's responses were only to have a You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me! reaction when Wrench reveals he hacked the audio just to Troll him.
  • The Cyberdriver trailer itself is a wonderful example of Stylistic Suck, to the point where it's implied Marcus and Wrench wanted to see it purely because they knew it would be So Bad, It's Good.
• Marcus infiltrates a cult and finds the secret Rosetta Stones that it's based on. Then he accidentally tips one while posing for a selfie. Turns out they aren't even solid fakes, the whole thing is a hollow clay statue. He decides to destroy the rest while he's at it.
  • We also get this exchange before he heads in:
  Wrench: Watch out for snakes. There are always snakes.
  Marcus: It's not that kind of temple, Wrench.
  Wrench: That does not preclude snakes.
• This line from Ubistolen:
  Marcus: Pop quiz, guys. What does every gaming news site love most?
  Josh: Being considered "journalism"?
  • That's not mentioning the Biting-the-Hand Humor for the entire mission line, from having one hacked conversation talking about Ubisoft's "debug code", to a gang of hackers "leaking" a new game trailer. Complete with watermark.
• Wrench's lines in general. Highlights include:
  • Hipster Merchant of Death.
  • His fear of all animals. Even puppies.
  • Bitching at you if you don't take his zipline in 'Power to the Sheeple'.
  • I came, I saw, I blew shit up, I came again.
• What happened to Tobias Frewer?
  Raymond: Well, I suppose Frewer and I will move on to- oh, fuck!
  Marcus: What?
  Raymond: I left Frewer in the desert.
  Marcus: What's a "Frewer"?
  Raymond: Many scientists have worked hard to figure that out with no conclusive results.
  • He's never brought up again, he's that worthless.
• The ENTIRE Aliens Versus Predator debate.
  Marcus: Shit, you're right. Archie's basically the top of the food chain.
• The entirety of the "Hipster Dick" conversation:
  Sitara: If we find a Dusan dick pic, that will be the ultimate leverage.
  Wrench: Yeah, especially if it's small or warty.
  Marcus: (laughter)
  Ray: Guys...
  Marcus: Knowing him, his dick probably has its own fucking man-bun on it.
  Ray: Dude.
  Sitara: (laughs) Hipster dick, I like, I like. Hi, I'm hipster dick, I only wear skinny condoms.
  Wrench: (laughing) I was uncircumcised before it was cool.
  Marcus: (hysterical laughter)
  Ray: (sighs) I'm surrounded by children.
• On the way to Galilei:
  Wrench: Yo, Marcus. Want me to sing you a driving song?
  Marcus: I do have a radio Wrench. Thanks anyway.
  Wrench: Yo, T-Bone. Want me to sing you a hacking song?
  Ray: Drive faster, Marcus.
• The Reveal of Wrench's Embarrassing First Name in a side mission:
  Wrench: Hey Marcus, was my real name in there?
  Marcus: Sure was, Reginald.
  Sitara: Wrench is a Reggie?
  Wrench: Marcus is just fucking with you.
  Marcus: Or am I?
  Sitara: I'll always trust a Marcus over a Reggie. Sorry, Reggie.
  Wrench: Fuck both of you.
  • Hilarious in Hindsight come Wrench's appearance in Watch Dogs: Legion. Not only was Marcus actually being serious, Wrench even voluntarily reveals his name throughout the Bloodline expansion.
• The way Wrench decides that Ray is trustworthy is very "Wrench":
  Wrench: (in a challenging tone) Nice hat.
  Ray: (in the same tone) Nice mask.
  Both: (look each other up and down)
  (Beat)
  Wrench: (suddenly cheery) Ok, we're good!
• When Horatio and Marcus arrive at the Nudle campus, they exchange some darkly humorous lamentations about the fact that there are barely any black people working there, and the You Are a Credit to Your Race nonsense that Horatio has to put up with from his coworkers. Then comes this gem:
  Marcus: Hey, they see the two of us together, they're gonna think we're plotting something!
  Horatio: We are plotting...
  • Later in the same operation, a meeting can be overheard discussing Nudle's new OS for cars... Nudle Ryde. One of the employees present tries and fails to tactfully explain the issue with the name, while the others remain completely oblivious.
• Insulting random people in the streets with emotes (F8 on PC). Their reactions vary, from calling you futile and childish, to just punch you. Other pedestrians may even call the cops to report violence, and you can watch people getting arrested for responding violently to your taunts.
• Upgrade your hacking skill to be able to hack robots, and hack the robot assistant that you encounter starting from the Haum questline. You can turn them into love-bot, with hilarious results.
• At the end of the “Automata” DLC mission, Marcus asks Wrench where he had been while he was infiltrating the WKZ news station. Turns out Wrench somehow hijacked the ENTIRE news station. What ensues is exactly what you’d expect from a newscast controlled by Wrench, from a self-interview, to an overly-suggestive weather report, to pretending to argue with various interns.
• In one side-mission, Marcus and his colleagues spy on a swatter, and one option is to swat *him*.
  • Doing so requires calling 911, then loading a Screamer Prank onto the swatter's screen. The swatter's reaction causes the operator on the other end to think she's hearing a woman's scream.
• During "Hack teh world", Marcus & Co hack into various servers around the world. However, since the random profiles the game generates for NPCs still use the same info as usual, the game may inform you that a Korean businessman was "born outside California".
• A surreal humour can be found from the Driver SF mission "Haum's Dirty Laundry." in which a Haum employee dealing with the fallout of the DedSec operation "Haum Sweet Haum" rants to her driver about her troubles, mostly focused on the incompetence of her boss, but also about DedSec explicitly mocking their name. Said driver is of course Marcus, a member of DedSec. This can be amplified up to eleven if you chose to use a vehicle such as CHP-AAD, which is branded with DedSec logos, to which the Haum employee takes no notice.

---