Dr. Bey: (stutters in disbelief) Oh, look at this! Sons of the pharaohs! Give me frogs, flies, locusts! Anything but you! Compared to you the other plagues were a joy! Evelyn: I am so very sorry. It was an accident! Dr. Bey: My darling girl, when Ramses destroyed Syria, that was an accident. You are a catastrophe!
Beni's attempt to save himself from Imhotep with a cross and a prayer to Jesus. When it doesn't work, he pulls out a necklace hung with about twenty different religious emblems and goes through them one by one, trying to find a god who will save his life.
Beni in general. Especially when threatened by Rick.
Beni: Think of my children! Rick (pauses): You don't have any children! Beni: ... Someday I might. Rick: Shut up!
Oh no! Jonathan is about to be attacked by a mob of Imhotep's followers! What does he do? He opens his eyes real big, staggers around, and starts saying: "Im-ho-tep" in a vacant tone. And it actually works!
Best part: The mob immediately follows his lead, slowing down and chanting along as he backs out of the crowd.
The barge is on fire and the Warden runs up to Rick (who was previously his inmate and nearly had him hanged):
Warden: O'Connell! O'Connell! O'Connell! What are we going to do?! What are we going to do?! Rick: Wait here! I'll get help! Warden: Right! (Rick jumps in the river and leaves the Warden on the fiery barge.) (Beat) (Warden roars in anger, jumps into the river and follows Rick.)
The aftermath of the attack on the barge, where everybody has had to swim for the shore while attempting to gather everything needed for the journey onwards.
Beni: HEY, O'CONNELL! IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE I'VE GOT ALL THE HOR-SES! Rick: HEY, BENI! IT LOOKS TO ME LIKE YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE RI-VER!
"You came back from the desert with a new friend, didn't you, Beni?"
The entire scene where Evie gets drunk and chats with Rick, complete with her slurring out "I'm sure you're wondering what is a place like me doing in a girl like this?"
Evie: *drunkenly gesturing and trying to be dignified* I may not be some adventurer, or treasure-seeker, or gun-fighter, Mr. O'Connell! But I am proud of what I am!
Rick: And that is?
Evie: I... am a librarian! I am going to kiss you now, Mr. O'Connell.
Rick: *smiling* Rick.
Evie: *smiling back* Rick. *leans in for the kiss and passes out*
Evie correcting Beni's Ancient Egyptian translation. When they're being confronted by Imhotep and the hordes of the cursed and possessed.
During the fight on the barge, it cuts to the Americans in a firefight with several Medji. Meanwhile, the Egyptologist they brought along is cowering behind them, making hilariously exaggerated flails and faces of panic with each gunshot.
The part where Jonathan is looking at the pygmy mummies, wondering how they managed that, and the others look at him as if to remind him of what happened the last time he poked at something...
Izzy's barrage of complaints upon meeting Rick again, including the immortal "I'm in mourning for my arse!"
Izzy:Remember that bank job in Marrakesh? Evelyn: Bank job? Rick: It's not like it sounds. Izzy: Oh it's exactly how it sounds! I'm flying high, hiding in the sun, the white boy here flags me down, so I fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! I'm lying in the middle of the road with my spleen hangin' out and I see him waltzing up with some belly dancer girl. Evelyn: Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk... Izzy: As long as I don't get shot.
Izzy: O'Connell! You almost got me killed! Rick: At least you didn't get shot. Evie: (Showers Izzy with kisses) Izzy! Thank you! Thank you! Izzy: (mellowed out) O'Connell, who the hell you been messing with this time? Rick: Oh you know, the usual. Mummies. Pygmies. Big bugs..." * Speaking of Izzy, his comment when his dirigible runs out of gas and sputters to a halt just as the gang's trying to evade Imhotep on the way to Ahm Shere:
Jonathan: "Well I haven't got a gold stick, either!"
"Shrunken Heads. I'd love to know how they do that." Cue everyone staring at him incredulously.
Anok-Su-Namun complements Evey's remembrance of the "old ways" of fighting they used to practice...and promptly gets introduced to the modern portion of Evey's fighting style through a headbutt.
Jonathan and one of the mooks run into each other during the pursuit by the pygmy mummies. They take shelter in a circle of stones, with Jonathan reassuring the mook that they won't cross the sacred stones. Cue a pygmy pole-vaulting over the stones to stab the mook, leaving him looking utterly aghast at Jonathan. Jonathan simply shouts "My mistake!" and runs.