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Funny: The Mummy Trilogy

The Mummy

  • Evy's introduction, in which she makes a mess of her reshelving.
    Dr. Bey: (stutters in disbelief, then spots Evy) Oh, look at this! Sons of the pharaohs! Give me frogs, flies, locusts! Anything but you! Compared to you the other plagues were a joy!
    Evelyn: I am so very sorry. It was an accident!
    Dr. Bey: My darling girl, when Ramses destroyed Syria, that was an accident. You, are a catastrophe!
    • Soon after, she hears something and goes to investigate, seeing if anyone is in there: "Abdul? Mohammed?.....Bob?"
  • When Rick is about to be hanged in prison for whatever got him thrown in there in the first place:
    Officer: (tightens the noose around his neck) Any last requests, pig?
    Rick: Yeah, loosen the knot and let me go.
    Officer: (Beat)
    Officer: (looks up at warden and appears to ask in Arabic whether he should do as he asks or not)
    Warden: (responds with a hand gesture something in Arabic that clearly says "what are you, crazy?") Of course don't let him go!
    Rick: (rolls his eyes as the officer slaps the back of his head, annoyed and embarrassed)
    • Evy bartering with the prison warden for Rick's life, who all the while is being strangled to death by the hanging noose.
    Warden: You are telling me that this filthy, godless son of a pig knows the way to the City of the Dead?!
    Evy: (frantic) Yes! Yes, and if you set him free we will give you- [glances at Rick] - ten per cent!
    Warden: ... Fifty percent!
    Evy: Twenty!
    Warden: Forty!
    Evy: Thirty!
    Warden: Twenty-five!
    Evy: Ha! Deal!
    Warden: (Beat before he realises his mistake) ARGH! (to officers) CUT HIM DOWN!
    (Rick is cut down from the gallows, and Evy smugly smirks at him in a way that clearly says "you had better keep your end of the deal now")
    • In the same scene, before he actually drops Evy keeps upping the amount she's willing to pay to save Rick from the gallows. Once she gets to five hundred pounds, the warden briefly orders for his men to stop and asks her what else she's willing to offer, placing his hand on her thigh and claiming to be "a very lonely man". Evy smacks his hand away with disgust and each and every one of the inmates laugh raucously in approval.
  • Beni in general. Especially when threatened by Rick.
    Beni: Think of my children!
    Rick: You don't have any children!
    Beni: ...Someday I might.
    Rick: Shut up!
  • The barge is on fire and the warden runs up to Rick (who was previously his inmate, and was nearly hanged because of him):
    Warden: O'Connell! O'Connell! O'Connell! What are we going to do?! What are we going to do?!
    Rick: Wait here! I'll go get help!
    Warden: Right!
    [Rick jumps in the river and leaves the warden on the fiery barge]
    [Warden roars in anger, jumps into the river and follows Rick]
  • During the fight on the barge, it cuts to the Americans in a firefight with several Medji. Meanwhile, the Egyptologist they brought along is cowering behind them, making hilariously exaggerated flails and faces of panic with each gunshot.
  • The aftermath of the attack on the barge, where everybody has had to swim for the shore while attempting to gather everything needed for the journey onwards.
    Beni: (Beat as he looks around, then kicks the water and curses in Hungarian)
    • Makes perfect sense. The Nile has no bridges, and is very wide. Horses simply can't swim that far. Beni now has to pay a boat to take his group and thirty or so horses across.
  • When the American's party sees the other group confidently digging in a completely different location, Henderson asks if they know something that they don't. The Egyptologist makes a smug comment about how they are led by Evy. "What does a woman know?" Cue Evy giving a detailed explanation on the origins of the statue and historical theory, using an ingenious mirror trick to full the chambers below with light and finding the location with the treasure before the other group.
  • The entire scene where Evy gets drunk and chats with Rick, complete with her slurring out "You're wondering, what is a place like me doing in a girl like this?" and their Almost Kiss.
  • When Rick lampshades the constant eerie wind.
    Evy: No harm ever came of reading a book. (unlocks the book)
    (cue brief, dramatic wind)
    Rick: ... That happens a lot around here.
  • When Rick first encounters Imhotep (who has only just arisen and is pure decomposing mummy), their conversation goes like this:
    Rick: (having just seen Evy) There you are! You've been playing hide and seek? Now come on, let's get out of here- [sees Imhotep] WHOA!
    Imhotep: (opens his mouth unnaturally wide) ROOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!
    Rick: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! (shoots him in the face) Move!
    • The subtitles make this even funnier. Imhotep is labelled as "Supernatural Roar" and Rick is then "Macho Roar".
  • Beni's attempt to save himself from Imhotep with a cross and a prayer to Jesus. When it doesn't work, he pulls out a necklace hung with about twenty different religious emblems and goes through them one by one, trying to find a god who will save his life.
  • When the Americans are making plans to get the hell out of dodge, since they know Imhotep's after them, Rick asks after Burns:
    Rick: So,'s your friend?
    Daniels: He had his eyes and his tongue ripped out. How'd you be?
  • When they decide that that need to find the Egyptologist and bring him back to the fort before Imhotep can get to him, Rick immediately orders Evy to stay put and commands the other three (Daniels and Henderson, the remaining members of the American's party, and Jonathan) to follow him. Cue a cacophony of protests from all four, and Rick casting his eyes upwards in exasperation.
  • The vast majority of the scene when Rick and Jonathan walk in on Beni searching the Egyptologist's room.
    (Rick and Jonathan walk in, while Beni is frantically tipping out a drawer)
    Rick: Well, well, well. Let me guess, spring cleaning?
    Beni: (shrieks and starts fleeing like a coward)
    Rick: (casually picks up a heavy wooden chair with one hand and hurls it across the room, nailing Beni with it)
    Jonathan: Nice shot.
    Rick: (picks Beni up and slams him against a cabinet with a false smile) You came back from the desert with a new friend, didn't you, Beni?
    Rick: (throws him across the room)
    Beni: (says something in Hungarian that sounds suspiciously insulting)
    Rick: What did you say?!
    Beni: I don't want to tell you, you'll just hurt me some more.
    Rick: What are you looking for? Oh, and try not to lie to me. (hoists him up by his shirt towards a metal ceiling fan)
    Beni: ARGH!! The book!! The black book they found at Hamunaptra! He said to me that it would be worth it's weight in gold!
    Jonathan: What does he want the book for?
    Beni: (weakly, as Rick lowers him) Oh, come on, I don't know (is promptly hoisted back up) Aaaarg! Something about bringing his dead girlfriend back to life! But that's all, I swear, he just want's the book, I swear... (is lowered once more, glances at Jonathan) And your sister.
  • The not-fully-regenerated Imhotep's fear of cats.
    Rick: (holding Evy's cat) Look what I've got!
    Imhotep: (terrified gasp)
    Cat: (hisses]
    Imhotep: (gives a roar that basically translates into "Oh, Crap" and dissolves into a tornado of sand)
  • Oh no! Jonathan is about to be attacked by a mob of Imhotep's zombie-fied followers! What does he do? He opens his eyes real big, staggers around, and starts chanting Im-ho-tep in a vacant tone. And it actually works!
    • Best part, the mob immediately follows his lead, slowing down and chanting along as he backs out of the crowd.
  • Rick's threat to Beni, and Beni's response.
    Rick: You're gonna get yours Beni, you hear me!? You're gonna get yours!
    Beni: Oh, like I've never heard that before!
  • Evy correcting Beni's Ancient Egyptian translation. When they're being confronted by Imhotep and the hordes of the cursed and possessed.
  • Jonathan and Ardeth Bay strapped to the wings of the biplane. The Stoic Ardeth is clearly having the time of his life, and Jonathan is definitely not. Their respective responses to Rick asking if they are alright:
    Ardeth: (grinning like a maniac)
  • After Imhotep makes the biplane crash:
    Beni: I loved the sand wall trick, it was beautiful.
    Evy: (Death Glare)
    Beni: ...bastard!
  • Ardeth and Rick run into another group of awakening mummies.
    Rick: Who are these guys?
    Ardeth: Priests... Imhotep's priests!
    Rick: ...Alright then. (starts firing)
  • Rick's reaction to the mummy soldiers. After facing up to them head on with a golden sword, he seems to realise that sometimes you have to pick you battles carefully.
    Rick: (fearless battle roar)
    Mummy Soldiers: (collective supernatural roar)
    Rick: ...Nu-uh. (bolts)
  • Realising that Beni's overwhelming greed is probably what paid for the Big Fancy House Rick and Evelyn own in the sequel, since he loaded the camel Rick and Evy take with priceless Egyptian gold.
  • From one of the deleted scenes, the group is still traveling through the desert when they come upon a group of skeletons.
    Rick: (casually gestures towards one of the skeletons as he realizes something) I knew that guy.

The Mummy Returns

  • Alex to Imhotep.
    Alex: My dad's gonna kick your arse.
  • The train scene. Alex and Loc-Nah. "I don't trust you! You'll look!"
    • Just about any scene with those two, actually.
    Alex: "No ice?!"
  • After they've fought off all the mummies on the bus and pretty much destroyed the bus, Rick asks everyone if they're all right. Priceless response from Ardeth Bay.
    "This was my first bus ride."
    • And there's the beginning of the bus scene, where Jonathan steals the thing as a getaway vehicle. Rick is speechless with shock that of all the cars he could have stolen, he chose a double-decker bus.
  • Rick to Evy as the latter is trying to barricade a door from mummies:
    Rick: Honey, what are you doing? These guys don't use doors!
    (cue warrior mummies bursting through the wall)
  • The part where Jonathan is looking at the pygmy mummies, wondering how they managed that, and the others look at him as if to remind him of what happened the last time he poked at something...
  • Izzy's barrage of complaints upon meeting Rick again, including the immortal "I'm in mourning for my arse!"
    Izzy: Remember that bank job in Marrakesh?
    Evelyn: Bank job?
    Rick: It's not like it sounds.
    Izzy: Oh it's exactly how it sounds! I'm flying high, hiding in the sun, the white boy here flags me down, so I fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! I'm lying in the middle of the road with my spleen hangin' out and I see him waltzing up with some belly dancer girl.
    Evelyn: Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk...
    Izzy: As long as I don't get shot.
    Izzy: O'Connell! You almost got me killed!
    Rick: At least you didn't get shot.
    Evie: (showers Izzy with kisses) Izzy! Thank you! Thank you!
    Izzy: (mellowed out) O'Connell, who the hell you been messing with this time?
    Rick: Oh you know, the usual. Mummies. Pygmies. Big... bugs...
  • Speaking of Izzy, his comment when his dirigible runs out of gas and sputters to a halt just as the gang's trying to evade Imhotep on the way to Ahm Shere:
  • At the end, Jonathan and Izzy are arguing over the gold scepter thingy:
    Jonathan: I swear on the head of my wife, I have no idea what you're talking about.
    Izzy: You haven't! You ain't got a wife!
    Jonathan: Well I haven't got a gold stick, either!
  • "Shrunken Heads. I'd love to know how they do that." Cue everyone staring at him incredulously.
  • Anck-su-namun complements Evy's remembrance of the "old ways" of fighting they used to practice... and promptly gets introduced to the modern portion of Evy's fighting style through a headbutt.
    Evy: That's a little something new!
  • Jonathan and one of the mooks run into each other during the pursuit by the pygmy mummies. They take shelter in a circle of stones, with Jonathan reassuring the mook that they won't cross the sacred stones. Cue a pygmy pole-vaulting over the stones to stab the mook, leaving him looking utterly aghast at Jonathan. Jonathan simply shouts "My mistake!" and runs.
  • How about when Rick stabs the Scorpion King with the Spear of Osiris and then Imhotep comes running in, gets on one knee, gestures at the event happening right in front of him shouting, "NOOOOOO!" It's like he missed his cue!
  • When Jonathan's hanging out of the airship.
    Jonathan: Pull me up, pull me up!! (catches glimpse of the massive diamond) Let me down, let me down!!
    Rick: Jonathan, it's not worth your life!
    Jonathan: Yes it is! Yes it is!

Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor

  • The Teracotta Warriors empty a barrage of arrows into an opposing army of heroic skeletons. This naturally has no effect on the already dead targets, and one of the undead who has accidentally knocked of his friend's head, says in perfect and completely un-subtitled Chinese to his comrade " Oh, sorry! Sorry! Your head's over there."
  • That Yeti kicking that soldier over the gate and his friend throwing up his arms as if saying "It's good!"
  • At one point in the movie, the two official couples (Rick and Evelyn, and Alex and Lin) are cuddling with each other in the cold. Who is Jonathan with? A yak.
    • Possibly a nod to the end of the first movie when he asked a camel for a kiss.
  • "Mummies were later found in Peru."
  • Jonathan: "Smack my ass Rick! Smack my ass!"
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