- In the movie, Paul gives John Coffey some cornbread his wife had made in gratitude for John helping Paul out with his urinary infection.
John: Oh. Was your missus pleased?Paul: Several times.
- The whole "mouse hunt" sequence.
Brutal: Well, don't that beat the mousy band.
- Wild Bill being dragged, kicking and screaming, into solitary confinement...twice.
Wild Bill: (gets a silent second to catch on)Harry: Piss on me? (proceeds to spray Wild Bill with it on full blast)
- The first time is especially funny because Wild Bill thinks there's only two of them and he can easily take them out, but then Paul and Brutal step aside, revealing Harry holding a fire hose.
- And then Wharton tries to fight his way out of the spray by punching it.
- The part with the Moon Pie. You have to admit, that was a pretty funny prank. (Brutal, who was the recipient of the Moon Pie spit, admitted it.)
- Speaking of the urinary tract infection, the part where Paul is laying on the floor in pain after being kneed in the groin by Wild Bill creates a laughing fest:
Coffey: Boss? I needs to see you down here.
- Old Toot-Toot taking the role of Arlen "Chief" Bitterbuck during the execution rehearsal.
Brutal: Arlen Bitterbuck, you have been condemned to die by a jury of your peers, sentence imposed by a judge of good standing in this state. Do you have anything to say before your sentence is carried out?Old Toot-Toot: Yeah. I want a fried chicken dinner with gravy on the 'taters, and I wanna shit in your hat, and I've got to have Mae West sit on my face because I'm one horny motherfucker.
Old Toot-Toot: The lord is my shepherd and so on and so forth. I'm sorry for all the bad shit I've done, and the people I've tramped on, and I hope they forgive me, and I'll never do it again - that's for sure. Still prayin', still prayin', gettin' right with Jesus!Harry: Do it quietly, you old gink!
- All of the guards immediately burst into hysterics. Even Percy, the self-proclaimed professional, is laughing!
- Not to mention just beforehand when he is pretending to pray for forgiveness.
Paul: Is the prisoner's head properly shaved?Dean: Nope. It's all dandruffy and it smells.Paul: I will take that as a yes. Let's go, Arlen.
- Earlier, back by the cell:
Old Toot-Toot: Now I'm fryin'! I'm fryyyyyyin'! Yeeeaaaagh! I'm a done tom turkey! This is a shocking experience!
- And then when they rehearse 'rolling on two' with Toot in the chair:
- When Wild Bill asks for some of whatever the guards are drinking as part of their ploy to drug him.
Paul: What makes you think you deserve some?Bill: Because I got a big pecker.
- After Percy (enticed by Paul and Brutal) discovers the newly healed Mr. Jingles:
Percy: You switched them. You switched mice somehow, you bastard.Brutal: I always keep a spare mouse in my wallet for occasions such as these.
- As serious as this scene was, Wild Bill, having just woken up from being drugged, facing down Percy after John had possessed him was just hilarious.
Wild Bill: Boy, watchu lookin' at? Watchu lookin' at, you limp noodle? You wanna kiss my ass? You wanna suck my dick?
- Percy is generally unresponsive as the guards try to get his attention.
Dodge: I think this boy's cheese has done slid off his cracker.
- In the book, after Delacroix's execution, when Percy claims he didn't know the sponge was supposed to be wet:
Dean: How many years did you spend pissing on the toilet seat before someone told you to put it up before you start?
- When Paul suggests using his car to get John Coffey to Melinda, one of his friends says that "you couldn't fit John Coffey in your car if you stripped him naked, covered him with lard and used a shoe-horn".
- Though it immediately follows one of the most unfunny moments in cinema history, Wharton's improvised "Barbecue" song is hilarious in a sick and twisted sort of way.
- Right after Paul yells at him to stop, Wharton blows the pillow feathers he had in his hand at him.