- Various, but special mention to the scene with three parallel cars. Avi/Tony/Rosebud transporting Boris in the trunk (they have knives), Sol, Vinnie, and Tyrone dealing with replica guns, and Turkish and Tommy who have milk. It gets even better when the guns are tested.
- Three men arguing over how to get rid of a body. "I create the bodies! I don't erase the bodies!" That little grace note of comic genius, though, is the fact that the entire scene is shot from the body's point of view.
Tyrone: I didn't see it there.
Vinny: It's a four ton truck, Tyrone. It's not as if it's a bag of fucking peanuts, is it?
Tyrone: It was a funny angle.
[All three turn and look back at the truck]
Vinny: It's behind you, Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you.
- Brick Top deciding that two of his henchmen have outlived their usefulness:
Brick Top: Pull your tongue out of my arsehole, Gary. Dogs do that. You're not a dog are ya Gary?
Gary: No, no I'm not.
Brick Top: However, you do have all the characteristics of a dog, Gary... All except loyalty.
(Errol, another henchman, zaps Gary in the side with a stun gun, while Liam pulls a plastic bag over his head)
Turkish: (narrating) It's rumored that Brick Top's favorite means of dispatch involves a stun gun, a plastic bag, a roll of tape, and a pack of hungry pigs.
(Brick Top eyes Liam, and strolls casually past him.)
Brick Top: You're a ruthless little cunt, Liam, I'll give you that... but I've got no time for grassers.
(Behind him, Errol pulls a plastic bag over Liam's head, and drags him to the ground in a suffocated heap.)
Brick Top: Feed 'em to the pigs, Errol.
(He turns to face the boxers in the ring, who are staring at him in abject horror)
Brick Top: What the fuck are you two looking at?
- Doug coming across some teenage boys smoking outside his shop. In full Orthodox Jewish clothing.
Doug: What are you doin' here?
Youth: (spits) It's a free country, innit?
Doug: Well it ain't a free shop, is it? So fuck off!
- Tommy chasing the dog at the end.
- Turkish's opening narration, specially when he discusses who Tommy is named after.
- Boris refusing to die. Particularly after the three-way standoff.
Tony: Don't take the piss, Boris!
- It's probably in the delivery, but this just sticks in my head and makes me giggle a lot.
Tommy: Sorry, Mickey. Just give us our money back, and you can keep the caravan.
Mickey: Why dah fahk dah ah want a caravan dats gat no fahkin' wheels?
- In context, Mickey sold the caravan (trailer home) to Tommy and Gorgeous, only for the wheels to fall off as they attempt to drive it away. (the scene where this happens is also funny)
- Avi, in general. Special mention goes to how he handles the three-way standoff:
Vinny: Gimme the case!
Avi: ...Fuck you. (clings to it) Shoot me.
- And then Boris enters, demanding the case:
Avi: Y'know what? Fuck you too!
- "Why do they call him the Bullet Dodger?" "...because he dodges bullets, Avi."
- Cousin Avi arrives in the UK:
Cousin Avi: Sit down and shut up you big bald fuck!
- Cousin Avi leaves the UK:
Customs official: Anything to declare?
Avi: Yeah; don't go to England.
- Of all things, the DVD menu gets one. One of the subtitle choices is 'Pikey says what?' which only subs Brad Pitt. But even then, at one point it shows '??????' for one of his rants.
- The entire bookie robbery, especially the part where Sol leaves his shotgun in reach of the attendant, and the failed attempt to get through the "security door," particularly because Tyrone shows them that it opens in instead of out..
- Tommy is waiting for Boris to discuss the faulty gun he sold. Boris (along with his kinda funny Leit Motif) appears all bloody, pushes Tommy while grabbing him in the groin, enters his house and leaves with a BFG while spouting nonsense.
- The best part is that the source of his leitmotif seems to physically follow him. When he goes to get his gun, it gets muffled through the walls.
- "Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON."
- Tony's balls speech to his would-be assailants.
- Tony interrogating a guy by jamming his head to the car window. And then starting to roll...
- All of Sol and Vinnie's misfortunes get even funnier when you learn they're all based on true stories.