Funny / Snatch.

  • Various, but special mention to the scene with three parallel cars. Avi/Tony/Rosebud transporting Boris in the trunk (they have knives), Sol, Vinnie, and Tyrone dealing with replica guns, and Turkish and Tommy who have milk. It gets even better when the guns are tested.
  • Three men arguing over how to get rid of a body. "I create the bodies! I don't erase the bodies!" That little grace note of comic genius, though, is the fact that the entire scene is shot from the body's point of view.
  • Tyrone: I didn't see it there.
    Vinny: It's a four ton truck, Tyrone. It's not as if it's a bag of fucking peanuts, is it?
    Tyrone: It was a funny angle.
    [All three turn and look back at the truck]
    Vinny: It's behind you, Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you.
  • Brick Top deciding that two of his henchmen have outlived their usefulness:
    Brick Top: Pull your tongue out of my arsehole, Gary. Dogs do that. You're not a dog are ya Gary?
    Gary: No, no I'm not.
    Brick Top: However, you do have all the characteristics of a dog, Gary... All except loyalty.
    (Errol, another henchman, zaps Gary in the side with a stun gun, while Liam pulls a plastic bag over his head)
    Turkish: (narrating) It's rumored that Brick Top's favorite means of dispatch involves a stun gun, a plastic bag, a roll of tape, and a pack of hungry pigs.
    (Brick Top eyes Liam, and strolls casually past him.)
    Brick Top: You're a ruthless little cunt, Liam, I'll give you that... but I've got no time for grassers.
    (Behind him, Errol pulls a plastic bag over Liam's head, and drags him to the ground in a suffocated heap.)
    Brick Top: Feed 'em to the pigs, Errol.
    (He turns to face the boxers in the ring, who are staring at him in abject horror)
    Brick Top: What the fuck are you two looking at?
  • Doug coming across some teenage boys smoking outside his shop. In full Orthodox Jewish clothing.
    Doug: What are you doin' here?
    Youth: (spits) It's a free country, innit?
    Doug: Well it ain't a free shop, is it? So fuck off!
  • Tommy chasing the dog at the end.
  • Frankie's bizarre escapades whilst gambling, briefly summed up with the use of stills, to a quick version of "Viva Las Vegas"
  • Turkish's opening narration, specially when he discusses who Tommy is named after.
  • Boris refusing to die. Particularly after the three-way standoff.
    Tony: Don't take the piss, Boris!
    • Boris repeatedly mouthing off to Tony everytime he shoots him, with Tony muttering an exasperated "for fuck sakes" when he doesn't kill him.
  • Tommy: Sorry, Mickey. Just give us our money back, and you can keep the caravan.
    Mickey: Why dah fahk dah ah want a caravan dats gat no fahkin' wheels?
    • In context, Mickey sold the caravan (trailer home) to Tommy and Gorgeous, only for the wheels to fall off as they attempt to drive it away. (the scene where this happens is also funny)
    • Later, after losing a bet over the terms of Mickey's fight (he lets loose a rabbit, and if it is caught by his dogs, Mickey fights for free; if it escapes, Turkish and Tommy buy Mickey's mother a new caravan). Tommy complains about the situation.
      Turkish: So why didn't you bus' a cap in his ass? [motions Gangsta Style finger gun]
  • Turkish's run in with Brick Top after Mickey botches the fight. He endears himself further by accidentally stepping on Brick Top's foot
    Brick Top: Eh. [looks down and sighs in exasperation] I've just had them polished. [Beat] Go and put the kettle on.
    Turkish: [Beat] You take sugar?
    Brick Top: No thanks, Turkish....I'm sweet enough.
  • Avi, in general. Special mention goes to how he handles the three-way standoff:
    Vinny: Gimme the case!
    Avi: ...Fuck you. (clings to it) Shoot me.
    • And then Boris enters, demanding the case:
    Avi: Y'know what? Fuck you too!
  • "Why do they call him the Bullet Dodger?" "...because he dodges bullets, Avi."
  • Cousin Avi goes to the UK:
    Cousin Avi: You got a toothbrush? We're going to London. Do you hear that, Doug? I'm coming to London!
    Cut to phone slamming. Cut to taxi door slamming. Cut to Avi downing vodka. Cut to Concorde flying. Cut to passport getting stamped. Cut to taxi light going out. Cut to Doug. (All of this takes just four seconds.)
    Doug: Avi!
    Cousin Avi: Sit down and shut up you big bald fuck!
  • Cousin Avi leaves the UK:
    Cut to taxi door slamming. Cut to Avi downing vodka. Cut to Concorde flying. Cut to passport getting stamped. (All of this takes just four seconds.)
    Customs official: Anything to declare?
    Avi: Yeah; don't go to England.
    Cut to taxi light going out.
  • Of all things, the DVD menu gets one. One of the subtitle choices is 'Pikey says what?' which only subs Brad Pitt. But even then, at one point it shows '??????' for one of his rants.
  • The entire bookie robbery, especially the part where Sol leaves his shotgun in reach of the attendant, and the failed attempt to get through the "security door," particularly because Tyrone shows them that it opens in instead of out..
  • Tommy is waiting for Boris to discuss the faulty gun he sold. Boris (along with his kinda funny Leit Motif) appears all bloody, pushes Tommy while grabbing him in the groin, enters his house and leaves with a BFG while spouting nonsense.
    • The best part is that the source of his leitmotif seems to physically follow him. When he goes to get his gun, it gets muffled through the walls.
    • And Turkish — who has no idea what's going on in the subplot that Boris has just stormed out of, remember — just watching all of this in bemusement.
  • "Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON."
  • Tony's balls speech to his would-be assailants.
    Tony: So. You're obviously the big dick. And the men on either side of you are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls and there are little mincy faggot balls.
    Vinny: These are your last words so make them a prayer.
    Tony: Now dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they're not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good ole pussy and have brought your two little mincy faggot balls along for a good ole time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here. Just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you're having second thoughts. You're shrinking. And your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got 'Replica' written down the side of your guns...[they look in horror at their guns] and the fact that I've got Desert Eagle, point-five-oh written on the side of mine [They look at his with even more horror] should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... [he picks up his drink] ...Fuck off.
  • Tony interrogating a guy by jamming his head to the car window. And then starting to roll...
    *You must be my lucky star!*
  • All of Sol and Vinnie's misfortunes get even funnier when you learn they're all based on true stories.