- When Frank's confronted by his zombie boss he comes up with an elaborate rationalization.
Frank Cross: "You're an hallucination... brought on by alcohol. Russian vodka... poisoned by Chernobyl!"
- Lew talking about his supposed status.
Lew: I had it all. I was a captain of industry; feared by men, adored by women.
Frank: Ah—Adored! Let's be honest, Lew: You paid for the women!
- The entire restaurant scene.
- After Frank douses the waiter he thought was on fire: "I'm sorry. You know, I thought you were Richard Pryor."
- Frank starts Screaming Like A Little Girl when he hallucinates that there is an eyeball at the bottom of his drink.
- "It's a TOASTER!"
- "I'm only four!"
- "The bitch hit me with a toaster!"
- Elliot Loudermilk's phone conversation with Rhinelander during his and Frank's hijacking of the Scrooge special:
Rhinlander: I want to talk to the IDIOT who put that MORON on the air!!
Elliot: Oh, uh, Bryce Cummings is the idiot sir, but uh... (turns to face tied and gagged Bryce Cummings) he can't talk to you right now because he's sorta tied up. Uh-huh. Oh, in fact, he just said that you were a flatulating butthead?
Rhinelander: A Butthead?!
- Just before that, when Frank and Elliot reconcile near the end of the film.
Frank: Hey. Are you glad to see me, or is this a shotgun in your pocket? (toss gun away; it fires)
Elliot: (meeps in confusion as Frank grabs him by the arms and swings him around the room)
Frank: Here's the deal. I'll rehire you at twice your original salary, and make you my vice president of programing. And I'll give you an office up here. Would you like my office?
Elliot: No, I don't like your office.
Frank: Ha! That's SO YOU!
- Frank finally throws Elliot into the elevator so the both of them can proceed to the taping of the Scrooge special, and Elliot hastily crosses himself as the doors close.
- The plaques of the word "cross" being defined as "A thing they nail people on".
- The trio of homeless people at Operation Reachout who mistake Frank for Richard Burton (actually kind of an in-joke, as Bill Murray strongly resembles Burton), Frank's impersonation of Burton, and the line, "Now beat it before I beat you!"
- Stressed from the day he's been having, Frank tries to fix himself a drink with vodka and cola. He ends up with a few little droplets of Tab in a glass full of vodka.
- All the parody commercials in the beginning! The best probably being Frank's "improved" commercial for Scrooge which naturally has nothing to do with the special.
- Elliot's horrified reaction to said Scrooge commercial: "That thing looked like The Manson Family Christmas Special!"
- Frank stealing a cab from an old lady on the way to the "Humanitarian Of The Year" awards.
- Anything involving the Ghost of Christmas Present who has been described as a cross between Glinda the Good and Moe Howard.
- The Ghost of Christmas Past's Take That! attitude to Frank and his claims of a good childhood;
Ghost: Frank, you still spent the next fifteen years of your life on your ass, watchin' television.
Frank: Check the records, Joe - I did some stuff; I was a baseball player - one year I hit the home run that won the big game.
Ghost: That was the kid on The Courtship Of Eddie's Father.
Frank concedes with a shrug;
Frank: There was another time, though - I was running down a hillside covered with flowers, and there was a beautiful girl - like fifteen - with pigtails, and she was waiting for me an—
Ghost: (interrupting) You are so pathetic. YOU ARE SO PATHETIC! THAT WAS THE LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE!
Frank: Was it the homecoming episode of Little House?
Ghost: (interrupting again and totally derisive) Yes, it was the homecoming episode of Little House. Let's face it, Frank — Garden Slugs got more outta life than you did.
- Then comes Frank's brilliant riposte to that last zinger:
Frank: "Name one!"
- Buddy Hackett of all people is cast as Ebenezer Scrooge in a parody of celebrity casting. It's impossible to hear his rendition of a Cockney accent without laughing and/or cringing.