- "This week on Twenty-One, watch Herbert Stempel be fed to the Columbia Lion! Watch Charles Van Doren eat his first kosher meal on Twenty-One!"
- During a montage of answers about what happened to Henry VIII's various wives: "Well, they all died."note
- "Excuse me, do you think he might see me before the peacock molts."
- "They gave you all that money to answer questions they knew you knew — now that's inflation!"
- "Mercy. What a grueling line of inquiry."
- "You want to be worshipped? Go to India and moo."
- "For seventy grand, Herb, you can afford to be humiliated."
- When Enright and Freedman first suggest cheating to Charlie, he wonders what Kant would say about it. Freedman, who obviously has no clue, says "I don't think he'd have a problem with it."
- Stempel making very sure during the inquisition that people know he actually did know Marty won Best Picture.
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