Funny: Pretty Little Liars
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- From the seventh episode:
Spencer: You stole sunglasses? From who?Hanna: Not from a person, from a store. I have some class.
- This quote from Hanna:
Hanna: Spencer, you do not need to know any more big words. You're already scary enough to anyone under 50.Spencer: I'm not scary. Am I scary?Aria: [cheerily] A little.
- When Aria and Spencer go to the morgue in order to see Alison's autopsy report Aria is shocked that someone can eat cookies in a morgue and leave the open box next to the dead bodies. Spencer, on the other hand, is completely nonchalant and explains that "they stay fresh".
- Here is how Spencer describes the tension between Aria and Hanna in "The New Normal":
Spencer: You were snarking at each other like you were on a reality show - "The Real Teens of Rosewood".
Spencer: Mona is five feet of insidious snark with a side ponytail, and I just — I wanna grab it, and I wanna yank it really, really hard.[more Mona snark]Spencer: I want to...Toby: Take a breath.[even more Mona snark]Spencer: How do you not strangle her?
- In the eighteenth episode...
Hanna: I'm not too young anymore! [shows fake ID] I'm 26.Spencer: You're 21. Take a math class.
- and also:
Hanna: [for her fake ID] This makes me look like I'm my mom...Allison: It is your mom.
- Ezra finding an "-A" text on Aria's phone.
Ezra: 'Cause if "A" knows then I'm thinking "B" and "C" and everybody else knows.
- Drunk!Emily at the homecoming dancing.
Emily: Was that tree always here?
- In "Never Letting Go" Spencer offers Aria some coffee. Aria sees the huge mug and tells Spencer that she "just wanted to drink it, not swim laps".
- Hanna wanted to wear a revealing red dress to a funeral. Her mother's reply?
Ashley: It's a funeral, Hanna, not a Nicki Minaj concert.
- After Mona helps Emily get back on the swim team, she says that now Emily "has to do something for her" and for a moment it looks like she's going to ask for some big serious favor. Then it turns out all she wanted was advice on what to wear to a swim meet because she doesn't want her shoes to get ruined.
- This quote from Spencer:
Spencer: If only we could harness Mona's sense of entitlement, we could light up the whole eastern seaboard.
- When Emily moves into Hanna's house she decides to cook breakfast as a sign of her gratitude. The reaction?
Hanna: So, how much of a tip should we leave her?Ashley: Watch out, I might go for the daughter upgrade.
- Mona awesomely doesn't like Hanna's bridesmaid dress:
Mona: Kate Moss would look like a water buffalo in that.
- Hanna is just full of these:
Hanna: Jenna can't hear us, she's blind!"
- The girls find out that Jenna's eyesight has been restored:
Aria: Don't look at me, I'm ready to hang a sign: "Bitch Can See!"
- When Melissa is pregnant with Ian's baby, and planning the christening:
Spencer: Isn't that a little premature? What if it's not born a human?Melissa: That's not funny.Spencer: Humor is subjective.
- It's Bellisario's delivery of that last line that makes it so funny. She's not at all snide or sarcastic. She sounds as if she is sincerely trying to explain that what is funny to one person may not be funny to another.
- Drunk!Hanna at her dad and Isabel's engagement party in episode 2x11.
Hanna: [while already sitting down] Ugh, I need to sit down. ...Can you bring the sink over to me?
- From "Crazy", when Ella asks Aria if her dress is too much for a coffee shop date:
Ella: Wait, why am I asking you? You wear forks for earrings.
- Spencer's comment when Aria tells her how her father reacts when she mentions Ezra's name.
Aria: And my dad pretends like he canít hear, but his neck gets all red, and then his face pinches up like heís constipated.Spencer: So basically Ezra is like Lord Voldemort.
- Spencer is very good at making people laugh.
Spencer: One time when I was ten, my aunt gave me two-hundred dollars to shave my dad's sideburns in his sleep, because they were an affront to his upbringing. He still has a scar!Aria: Wait, you actually did it?Spencer: I was ten. Two-hundred dollars was like a million bucks to me back then!
- Paige's story about her grandfather mooning the camera in a home video.
- When Emily's parents decide to move to Texas:
Hanna: Okay, just promise me that y'all won't come back with big hair.Emily: I promise.
- Aria's repeated attempts to get her friends to call Mr. Fitz "Ezra".
- Spencer reassures the liars they are safe from Mona:
Spencer: Bitch crazy!
- Hanna's vocab drills have really paid off:
Hanna: Someday we will all have jubilation.
- The liars find an incriminating feather:
Hanna: You know what they say. If the feather fits.Aria: The shoe, Hanna. It's if the shoe fits.
- Thank god for Hanna Marin.
Hanna: We should push a table in front of [Jenna] and see what happens.Spencer: God, Hanna, you have all the subtlety of a hand grenade!Hanna: Thank you!
- Toby's "do-rag".
- The whole scene of Hanna at a lesbian bar, complete with her getting Mistaken for Gay
- Emily walks in on Spencer and the captain of her academic decathlon team, who is currently wearing nothing but a pair of boxers (due to getting his ass kicked by Spencer in a contest of historical trivia.) Her response:
Emily: Should I have brought more cupcakes?
- In the premiere of Season 4, the girls wake up with Mona missing and begin to panic. Just then, Mona walks in with coffee for everyone, with exactly what each of them typically orders. She tells Emily that she borrowed her car. However, Emily notices that her car keys are still on the counter. Without missing a beat, Mona nonchalantly answers "Oh, I have my own set". The delivery is just too perfect.
- This exchange from "Face Time":
Hanna: (re: a mask maker noticing that the mask the girls took from him is missing) That guy has so many heads, he'll never notice that just one is missing.
Spencer: I think I have to write that sentence down.
- From "Under The Gun":
Spencer: Mo' Mona, mo' problems.
- Emily: Mona may not be 'A', but she's definitely still a 'B'.
- Caleb asks Toby if he thinks Spencer remembered the partial tail number on the plane correctly. Toby's response:
Toby: She can quote Dostoyevsky in two languages. Keep trying.
- From "Bringing Down the Hoe":
Emily: Every time Toby calls, you leave the room, your mood changes.Hanna: Are you pregnant?Emily: Shut up, Hanna. Okay, it's like you're here but you're not.Aria: We get it. We understand you have a boyfriend. We've all had them.Hanna: Yeah, even Emily.Emily: Shut up, Hanna.
- During the Film Noir-esque segment of "Shadow Play", a tense meeting between Spencer, Hanna, Ezra, and Mona ends with Mona telling Ezra this:
Mona: You should know, that was the last carrot stick.