Funny / Midsomer Murders

• From "The Killings at Badger's Drift":
  Barnaby: Troy, you are about as politically correct as a Nuremberg Rally.
• Cully's cat, a Russian Blue named Killmouski.
• Troy and Jones being introduced, after the former nearly runs the latter off the road. In fact, Troy's driving in general is pretty hilarious in and of itself.
  Barnaby: Troy! ...you were driving on the wrong side of the road.
  • In Written in Blood, Barnaby and Troy visit Troy's old school in the course of their inquiries. Of course, Barnaby can't resist a little jab:
    Barnaby: Pity they didn't teach you how to drive.
• "Faithful Unto Death", when Barnaby and Troy visit charming old ex-actress Elfrida Molfrey and her brother Bunny, and Barnaby has a couple of cupcakes. He spends the next couple of scenes acting most peculiar; randomly chuckling at nothing, walking along the tops of walls, and calling Troy things like "Mon Brave". He later realizes that the cakes were laced with cannabis.
  • Does say something about Tom's deductive skills that he still noticed a kidnapping before everyone else despite being high as a kite.
  • In particular, when he and Troy are investigating reports that Alan Hollingsworth was digging in his garden in the dead of night:
    Barnaby: This is Sergeant Troy, and this is a spade, which with your permission-
    Hollingsworth: Which I don't give!
    Barnaby: He is going to dig up your garden, thank you.
• "Dead in the Water", during which Scott and Barnaby must often cross rivers, and the only way to do so is via rowboat (and guess who gets to row...) When Scott arrests a guy, he brings him back via rowboat, with an unbelievably smug expression as he finally gets to sit back.
• There's a case in a village which has people who like to role-play:
  • At one point Barnaby is walking in the woods and hears a woman calling for help, Barnaby finds her, in a gown fit for a princess, and there's nothing wrong with her. A man turns up with a gun and dead rabbit in hands and seems confused about Barnaby being there and then a second man with a camera arrives and when the first man asks who the second man is and Barnaby tells him that it's her husband. The man with the gun says, "Her husband?!", in a disbelieving voice, and then turns round and runs off.
  • That same episode ends with Tom reading in bed while Joyce finishes her preparations to join him. She runs down the list of sexual role players in the village, commenting that she could never stomach either the 'maiden in distress' scenario or the 'perfect wife' one but thought she could have some fun with the dominatrix role. Tom looks up wide-eyed and his book snaps closed just as it goes to dark.
• From "The Axeman Cometh":
  • When Jones asks if Barnaby was working on a missing persons case in the '70s:
    Barnaby: No, you f- How old do you think I am?
    Jones: I've done speed dating, not carbon dating.
  • Later on, after Jones and Barnaby pass a bongo player in the street.
    Jones: Can I arrest the bongo player?
    Barnaby: Only if you promise to break his fingers.
• Troy telling Barnaby where the body is in "Written in Blood":
  "What, where all the blood and police photographers are? Thank you, Troy."
• "A Talent for Life" has a woman explaining the nuances of fly-fishing and why it led to her slapping another club member. Troy's panicked expression of slack-jawed "wuh?" throughout is hilarious.
• This exchange from “Murder on St. Malley’s Day”:
  Barnaby: Smothered by a meat pudding, flattened by a roller, bashed about the head...
  Troy: Think it could be accidental, sir?
  Barnaby: No time for jokes, Troy.
• From “Days of Misrule”:
  Jones: Don’t look now sir, but we’re being watched.
  Barnaby: Where?
  Jones: One o’clock, big man in red.
  [Barnaby looks around to see an inflatable Father Christmas on the roof.]
  Barnaby: Oh, you’re full of fun today, Jones.
  Jones: I like Christmas, sir!
• "The Green Man" has Troy make an unfortunate comment about an old case:
  Troy: Before your time then.
  Barnaby: It still is my time, Troy.
• In "Bad Tidings", Scott arrives to Midsomer late and gets swept along as Barnaby is called to a discovered body. He's promptly confronted with the sight of a woman drenched in blood with a rose stuffed in her mouth, at which point Barnaby turns to him:
  Barnaby: By the way, welcome to Midsomer.
• "Sins of Commission": Scott nearly gets run over while chasing after a thief who broke into the murder victim's home. Once he gets back and is still brushing himself off, we get this:
  Barnaby: Do you notice what else is missing, detective?
  Scott: Sympathy, sir?
  Barnaby: No, the piggy bank.
• From "Judgement Day", Barnaby and Troy are investigating a spate of burglaries and have just found plenty of stolen property at the farm where their prime suspect is staying, with Barnaby commenting that he wishes they were all this easy. Then they find the prime suspect dead with a pitchfork through his chest:
  Barnaby: (exasperated) Oh, for heaven's sake.
• As a whole, just the feeling that Barnaby (Tom and John) give off of sheer resignation, coupled with the entire county's obliviousness that people just get murdered in Midsomer with alarming frequency.
• From "Death of the Small Coppers":
  Fleur: What kind of person surrounds themselves with death?
  [Barnaby and Winter just look at each other.]
• In "The Animal Within", after the death of the wealthy Rex Masters, his last will and testament leaves everything to his supposedly dead niece, who has in fact just turned up very much alive. Barnaby and Jones go to his solicitor to confirm this inheritance, only to have Masters' former cook come in during the meeting to reveal that she has a more recent will leaving everything to her. This one gets confirmed as genuine... only for the gardener to then reveal that he has a more recent one too. After yet one more will from Masters leaving the estate to his housekeeper, an exasperated pair of detectives are left darkly joking about the possibility of finding more of Masters' wills for a good chunk of the episode.
• Winter's face in "Last Man Out" when Barnaby reveals just who the suspicious Jack Morris really is:
  Barnaby: Winter, this is DI Ben Jones. Jones used to be, well, you.
• From "The Ghost of Causton Abbey," Fleur's response when asked the time of death for the first victim...
  Fleur: Boiled human flesh isn't something I work with every day, so I'll need to consult a specialist. And possibly a cook book.

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