In the power of the crimp, Lance Dior and Harold Boom tell Vince that the future is out, and that they must look to the past for inspiration.
Vince: How far back? 70's? 60's?
Howard: (hopefully) 50's?
Vince: Don't be ridiculous, Howard!
Howard and Vince discuss heroes:
Howard: What would Mick Jagger do?
Vince: He'd probably just do this (does chicken dance)
Bollo recounts his childhood:
Bollo: That is Chinko. He was my friend. As children we played together in forest. My father warn us, "No go too far, for there are hunter at edge of forest." But Chinko curious. He always say, "Bollo please, please can we go to edge of forest?" over and over and over. And so finally, one day (pause) I chopped his head off. Cup of tea, anyone?
Oooooo, I'm a cockney nutjob! E' slashes one way! E' slashes another! E' even slashes diagonal! E's like connect four, in DAGGER terms!
The Isadora Duncan conversation in the radio show, especially Howard miming Duncan being strangled by her scarf caught in a wheel; as well as the Brick Joke: as Howard is driving off without Vince, Vince shouts "Howard! Howard!" and it turned out it was just his scarf caught in the wheel.
Do you like bailey's? I got some. I can give you Bailey's. Mmmmmm creamy!
Nu Rave: Combining elements of the past and the future to make something not quite as good as either...
This gem, from 'Call of the Yeti':
Howard: Roaring fire. Cup of tea. What more do you need eh?
Howard: Listen, Vince, what can you hear?
Vince: Your cells dying.
From the same episode:
Howard: Hi, It's me, Howard Moon, we spoke on the phone this morning?
Kodiak Jack: The Hwat?
Howard: You know, the telephone?
Kodiak Jack: Ohhhh, the talkie stick, your voice got trapped inside it this morning
From the 'Live Future Sailors' tour:
I am Sunflaaaaash. I am from the futaaa.
It's mixture of chinese and chav. I call it chavese
Howard: (after Vince tries to rescue him and fails) Well, I appreciate the gesture, but it was a bit of a wasted journey wasn't it? did you bring anything? Like a gun. Or a fork?
Howard envisaging seeing his name in a newspaper:
Howard: Howard Moon, colon, explorer.
Vince: COLON EXPLORER? That's got a slightly odd ring to it, don't you think?
Mention must be made of the episode where Howard gets kidnapped by a mysterious sea monster with webbed hands and a "mangina" who lures him back to his cave and shows him his watercolour paintings. They sing a song about playing "Love Games" and Gregg tries to get Howard, his "fuzzy little man-peach" to marry him.
Old Gregg: I did home economics. I got an A+ . I made a crumble. My teacher said mine was the best one.
The hash cakes bit:
Naboo: Quick thing about hash cakes, have just one, wait an hour, see how you feel. Don't have fifteen at once, because you will see the devil, and he will try and tear your heart out through your kneecaps.
Howard tests out his pitch for the Survivor Patch.
When Howard has his first ever kiss... with Vince. Howard thinks he has fallen in love, but his feelings go away when he spots the girl he has a crush on. Vince feels personally hurt, until some random girl comes in and says hi and he gets over it. Then they jump on the bouncy castle. "Bouncy bouncy, Ooh such a good time!"
Howard's last Arctic journal entry:
Howard: So alone. Wind my only friend.
The Wind: I hate you.
Howard: Shut up, Wind!
"Argh! I've got bunches!!"
The Electro episode. This exchange between the Spirit of Jazz and Howard.
Spirit: Ow, chicka chicka ow... oww! Man, my hat's on fire! Are you blind?! Why didn't you tell me?!
Howard: Sorry. I thought that was your look.
Spirit: No, it ain't my look! Spoiled my exit now. Tryin' to do you a favour.
He exits, then walks back past Howard thirty seconds later.
Spirit: Ain't no door back there. It's a toilet.
Bob Fossil's unhinged explanation of why he can't give Howard and Vince a gig at his club.
This is the Number 2, OK? He runs a coffee shop. And this is the Number 9. And 9 is a customer, right? And one day 9 goes in and 2 goes, "I don't have a coffeehouse no more. I have a knife fighting academy." And Number 9 goes, "I want coffee!" And Number 2 goes, "No, I'm gonna slice you! AND LEARN HOW TO SLICE OTHERS." And 9 goes, "I can't, I gotta get out of here!" And 2 goes, "I LOCKED THE DOOR."
An exchange between Bollo and Tony Harrison from a deleted scene (from memory, may not be entirely accurate)
"If there's any little kids here, it's S-T-U-M-P, STUMP-FUCKING. Get it right when you tell your mates in the playground tomorrow!"
The Hitcher and Naboo meeting in the live show.
Naboo: Who are you?
Hitcher: They call me....The Hitcher (does pose)
(Spotlight goes on him and short jazzy tune plays)
Naboo: Is that your theme tune?
Hitcher: No it fucking ain't.
"I love the Chosen One! I stick my fingers up his — " "THAT'S ENOUGH MUSIC FOR TONIGHT."
From the radio version of 'Tundra'
Vince (playing a xylophone, sings): Shoot your face off! (xylophone) SHOOT YOUR FACE OFF!
The entire "What would you do when faced with a polar bear?" scene.
Howard: What do you see next?
Vince: Stocky Jesus.
Howard: Stocky Jesus?
Vince: He's like Jesus, but fatter.
Vince's argument for keeping a dead bat that's tangled in his hair:
Vince: I'll make a feature of it!
Howard "getting into the climbing mindset" in the radio version of "Mutants". You think he's grunting because he's scaling a cliff to get to Fossil's secret laboratory... when really he's being carried up by Joey Moose in a little papoose.
Meanwhile Vince is asked to stay at the bottom of the cliff and serve tea to a group of old soldiers...
Soldier: Can I have a latte?
Vince: A latte?! What is this, Vince Noir's Moonlight Cafe?