Funny / Metro 2033

  • This exchange:
    Commissar: ...The Party teaches that only the Communist way can show the true path through the tunnels...
    Soldier: Comrade Commissar, what does the party teach about the two-headed mutants that roam the Frontline?
    Commissar: Um... er...
    Soldier: Well, so much for the entertainment.
    Commissar: SILENCE!
    • In itself a reference to the same line in the book, although Artyom gets ignored when pitching it to religious nuts.
  • Ulman dicking around on the intercom in D-6.
    "People of Metro! We have awaited your arrival! We are those who are called the Invisible Watchers. Your time has come. And now you will feel our wrath!"
  • Artyom's Idle Animations have their moments.
    • The Bastard on its own has two examples:
      • He accidentally breaks off the fire selector after fidgeting with it. After a beat, he sticks it right back on.
      • He starts tossing it up. After a few times, the gun disappears. As he looks up, it crashes back down into his hands.
    • He pulls the Duplet's stock so hard it comes off. He's hasty to put it back on.
    • He shocks himself with the Universal Charger.
  • This exchange.
    Guard: Face to the wall! This is an inspection.
    Comedian: C'mon, quit harassing me! I don't swing that way!
    Guard: Cut the bullshit! Prepare for inspection!
    Comedian: I'm always prepared for this! Doctor, could you check my prostate while you're at it? I'm pissing kinda funny, it's glowing, must be the radiation.
  • Ulman as he and Artyom arrive at Polis; his response to a guard asking who they are.
    "Oooh, we're Nazis! Come to take your station!"
  • After you meet Khan for the first time in the game, you can look around the bandit leader's room and you'll find a teddy bear on his cot, right next to the head of a nosalis mounted on the wall. Just try to imagine that big tough bandit leader curled up on his cot, hugging his teddy and sucking his thumb while he sleeps.
  • Bourbon has some funny moments, like when he's trying to open a gate and starts talking to it.
    "Open up, baby, and I promise I will come back and refurbish you. Also get you new paint."