Funny / 8 Simple Rules

  • "I am looking for a gorgeous blonde named C.J."
    • "I've never met this guy in my whole life!"
    • And in the same episode, the fake ID Bridget gets for Kerry is of a 31-year-old woman. Made even more hilarious with the knowledge that Kerry was played by a 26-year-old.
  • From the episode "Premiere" after the kids have accidentally walked in on the parents...well you know
    Paul: You could have knocked.
    Kerry: It's seven in the morning. I thought you couldn't do anything until you had your first cup of coffee.
    Bridget: Yeah, there's already one baby. What are you trying to do, make twins?
    • And earlier in the episode:
    Bridget: (notices Kerry wearing her earrings) First you steal my popularity and now my earrings?
    Kerry: You forgot about your boyfriend.
  • In one episode "Pauland" his family is invited to a famous athlete's house for dinner so he can write a book about him when he's talking about how he'll rent a suit, Kerry and Bridget run down the stairs as Bridget gives Kerry a wedgie. Paul's response?
    Paul: Can you rent kids?
  • In one episode, Bridget, Kerry, and EVEN C.J. calls Grandpa Jim whenever they get scared.
    [A scary-looking guy stares at her/them/him and bought something for her/them/him.]
    Bridget/Kerry/C.J.: [get cellphone out] Grandpa, I'm scared.
  • While Cate is performing "Daddy's Girl" in a Heartwarming Moment in a bar one guy buys Kerry a beer. Cate gets down off the stage, takes the beer away and shakes her head at the guy without stopping singing.
  • Cate trying to cheer her sister up after a divorce:
    Cate: Taking a bath always makes me feel like a new woman.
    Maggie: Ted found a new woman.
    Cate: I meant when I'm taking a bath, I'm always a nude woman.
    Maggie: I found Ted with a nude woman.
    Cate: You know, it's probably best not to dwell on Ted.
    Maggie: I found Ted with a nude woman in a dwelling.
  • "Rory Hennessy doesn't serve cold lasagne!"
  • From the very first episode:
    Paul: I'm mad at something you said.
    Cate: What?
    Paul: Let's start a family.
    Cate: Well you're the one that wanted to keep going until we had a boy.
  • Kerry is forced to avoid being sarcastic and so Paul wears a hideously patterned sweater to annoy her.
    Kerry: Mom, I'm going to write something down on a piece of paper and I want you to say it to Dad.
    Paul: If it's sarcastic, you're still out.
    Kerry crumples up the piece of paper
  • Cate has just discovered Kerry has pot in her school bag (while Rory kidnapped a police dog and Bridget is dating a guy with a motorcycle).
    Cate: I'm just trying to figure out what's happening to my good child.
    CJ: The thief, the druggie or the biker chick?