- "I am looking for a gorgeous blonde named C.J."
- "I've never met this guy in my whole life!"
- From the episode "Premiere" after the kids have accidentally walked in on the parents...well you know
Paul: You could have knocked.
Kerry: It's seven in the morning. I thought you couldn't do anything until you had your first cup of coffee.
Bridget: Yeah, there's already one baby. What are you trying to do, make twins?
- And earlier in the episode:
Bridget: (notices Kerry wearing her earrings) First you steal my popularity and now my earrings?
Kerry: You forgot about your boyfriend.
- In one episode "Pauland" his family is invited to a famous athlete's house for dinner so he can write a book about him when he's talking about how he'll rent a suit, Kerry and Bridget run down the stairs as Bridget gives Kerry a wedgie. Paul's response?
Paul: Can you rent kids?
- In one episode, Bridget, Kerry, and EVEN C.J. calls Grandpa Jim whenever they get scared.
[A scary-looking guy stares at her/them/him and bought something for her/them/him.]
Bridget/Kerry/C.J.: [get cellphone out] Grandpa, I'm scared.
- While Cate is performing "Daddy's Girl" in a Heartwarming Moment in a bar one guy buys Kerry a beer. Cate gets down off the stage, takes the beer away and shakes her head at the guy without stopping singing.
- Cate trying to cheer her sister up after a divorce:
Cate: Taking a bath always makes me feel like a new woman.
Maggie: Ted found a new woman.
Cate: I meant when I'm taking a bath, I'm always a nude woman.
Maggie: I found Ted with a nude woman.
Cate: You know, it's probably best not to dwell on Ted.
Maggie: I found Ted with a nude woman in a dwelling.
- "Rory Hennessy doesn't serve cold lasagne!"
- From the very first episode:
Paul: I'm mad at something you said.
Paul: Let's start a family.
Cate: Well you're the one that wanted to keep going until we had a boy.
- Kerry is forced to avoid being sarcastic and so Paul wears a hideously patterned sweater to annoy her.
Kerry: Mom, I'm going to write something down on a piece of paper and I want you to say it to Dad.
Paul: If it's sarcastic, you're still out.
Kerry crumples up the piece of paper
- Cate has just discovered Kerry has pot in her school bag (while Rory kidnapped a police dog and Bridget is dating a guy with a motorcycle).
Cate: I'm just trying to figure out what's happening to my good child.
CJ: The thief, the druggie or the biker chick?