Funny: Don Camillo

From Don Camillo

  • At the start of the movie it's said don Camillo recently got ambushed and beat up, and didn't defend himself. He quickly explains the only reason is that he was holding a dozen eggs and didn't want to break them.
  • Jesus scolding Don Camillo after he refuses to christen Peppone's son because they wanted to call him Libero Antonio Lenin.
    Don Camillo: Baptism is not a joke, baptism...
    Jesus: Don't try and explain baptism to me, I adopted it!
  • During the strike, Peppone asked for reinforcements from the city, but they only arrive when it's finished. We're then treated to a truck full of comrades singing Bandiera Rossa and stumbling on a working farmer:
    Comrade #1: "What about the strike?!"
    Farmer: "It ended!"
    Comrade #1: "What do you mean ended?! What did we come here for?!"
    *The farmer leaves ignoring the communists, who start discussing*
    • What did the comrades do? They went in town anyway to get a drink... And decided to mock don Camillo. Who beats them up.
    • When Peppone and his comrades half-complain/half-brag to the bishop that don Camillo beat up the comrades from the city, they refuse the replacement because he's too light, and if Peppone slapped him he'd make him fly while Camillo wouldn't move. The bishop has only one thing to say:
      "Excuse me, but do you really measure a priest's worth in meters and weight?"
  • The bishop having don Camillo throw a giant table and then bragging he did it. This after telling him he'd never be a bishop.
  • This one:
    Don Camillo: "The hands are for blessing... But not my feet...!"
    *kicks Peppone for what he just confessed having done*
  • Peppone and Don Camillo's speeches to their respective football teams before playing each other.
    Peppone: YOU MUST WIN! Or I'll break your heads!!!
    Don Camillo: I won't make any threats, I'll just say that if among you there's a rascal who doesn't play to the last drop of his blood, I'll kick his backside into dust.
    • The referee getting progressively more beat-up from stopping the multiple fights between the players, and his Oh Crap! face when Peppone's team wins thanks to a last-minute penalty and the supporters of Don Camillo's team decide to lynch him.
    • The referee gets away by running into the church and begging for sanctuary, which don Camillo concedes (he then proceeds to tell off and drive out the mob when they barge in)... And then throws him out when he admits Peppone bribed him. Jesus quickly points out that don Camillo too bribed him, Peppone just gave him more... And then demands he organizes a rematch soon.
  • At the procession to the river, Brusco is barely moving his hand at all as he crosses himself.
  • The day of the opening of the garden city and the house of the people, Peppone decides to have a small victory by using a 'broken' truck to close off the direct route between Brescello and the city, forcing the bishop to arrive late and allowing him to open the House of the People first. Hilarity Ensues:
    • When the bishop's car arrives, Smilzo rushes to open and hold the door for him and Peppone kicks his shin. A minute later, the bishop stumbles and Peppone instinctively grabs his arm - only the bishop won't let him go and Peppone now has to help him walk to town. Cue Smilzo moving closer and discreetly kicking Peppone's shin.
    • The bishop, being an even bigger Magnificent Bastard than don Camillo, sees through Peppone's plan. How does he react? He stumbles, has himself get caught by Peppone, and then walks all the way to the garden city without letting Peppone go.
    • Peppone's face when he finds out that the child carrying a huge basket of flowers for the bishop is his son Marco.
    • After learning why Peppone was trying to make him be late he decides that don Camillo deserves a lesson for not telling him about the house of the people and involving him in their feud... By visiting the house of the people before opening the garden city, and with don Camillo in tow to boot. He then ribs don Camillo about supposedly having a larger arsenal than Peppone and Peppone about not wanting don Camillo replaced in spite of knowing he had a mortar buried somewhere.
    • The faces of the comrades from the city when the bishop shows up at the house of the people.
    • During the feast for the double opening there is a fair... And at the stand where you throw balls at puppets, one of the targets is a priest with don Camillo's face. Then a comrade about to throw the ball at the priest notices that don Camillo is there and is not amused...
    • Peppone throws the ball at the priest puppet and hits it... But it's stuck and doesn't fall. He blames the Vatican for it.

  • Don Camillo's reaction on discovering Peppone had a tank hidden away in his barn.
    Use it to take the family out on Sundays, eh?
  • The village receives a tractor from a sister city in the USSR, but it refuses to start... until Don Camillo blesses it.
  • Don Camillo and Peppone getting caught poaching by the gamekeeper in "Out of Bounds", a story from the first book. Peppone stands his ground and tries to talk his way out of it with some Blatant Lies... and then Don Camillo, who's wary of the scandal (the priest and the mayor caught poaching!) jumps the gamekeeper from behind and knocks him out. And then Peppone trolls him mercilessly and finally asks him if he knows "a reputable parish priest" to whom Peppone could go and confess his sins to.