Funny / Deadpool (2022)

• The comics use the same Textplosion pages as every other X-Men related comic during the Krakoan Age...except, this being Deadpool, he's annotated a lot of them with a red marker.
• Issue 1:

  • Deadpool's reaction when Harrower tells him that she's going to use him to incubate a Carnage symbiote.
    Deadpool: Ohh, I see where this is going. You're just with me for my body.
  • Embarrassed by his initial choice of pickup line towards Valentine, Deadpool uses the Info Dump page on the Atelier to try and write down a list of better ones. Keyword being "try".
    Hey, baby, looking sharp!
    Is that a syringe in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
    You can give me an emergency injection any day ;)
    It must be February 14th, because I want you to be mine, Valentine
    Are you an impacted wisdom tooth? Because I wanna take you out (no, that's too threatening. Why is that so threatening???)
    I'm getting palpitations just looking at you (WHAT?)
    Wanna be my enbae?
    Baby, are you Dora the Explorer? Because I'll never stop swiping right.
    This should not be this hard
    But I am
    Wait
    No
    • The fact that, even after crossing most of these out, he still uses some of them in the following issues.
  • Deadpool's multiple-step plan for trying to kill Doc Ock, which includes claiming that he lives in his lab, texting Valentine "for professional reasons", and ending things by Tempting Fate.
• Issue 2:
  • What's one of the first things Deadpool does after a pair of symbiote hands burst out of his body? He gives one of them a fist bump, which it returns.
  • This exchange:
    Harrower: If you know what's good for you, you'll come quietly, Deadpool.
    Deadpool: Hah! I've never done so in my life!
    Doctor Octopus: I could have died happily without that knowledge.
  • The explanation for Lady Deathstrike's sudden appearance: she was supposed to be Deadpool's mission partner, but his Crush Filter around Valentine was so strong neither he nor the reader noticed her.
• Issue 3:
  • Apparently, the other Atelier members have made a habit of entering Valentine's apartment through the windows. The usually closed windows.
    Valentine: Do you know how expensive it is to replace a window? Doors have hinges, and you don't have to by a new one every time you go through them.
  • Deadpool's "Am I about to get Renesmee'd?!" after seeing how the Carnage clone is growing inside of him.
  • Harrower and Doc Ock's restaurant meeting.
    Harrower: Why is the menu seventeen pages long?
    Doctor Octopus: You tell me, Harrower. You picked the restaurant.
    Harrower: It was literally the first place we saw on the street.
    Doctor Octopus: And your point is?
  • A passing kid accidentally overhears Valentine telling Deadpool that his backpack is full of drugs (sedatives), prompting Deadpool to reply "And none for you, Gretchen Wieners!"
  • Deadpool strangling the symbiote when it tries to eat a flamingo.
  • The symbiote acting as a Shipper on Deck for Deadpool and Valentine, urging them to kiss and letting out a Big "NO!" when Harrower's monsters interrupt the moment.
• Issue 4:
  • Deadpool halting the action to question why one of the zoo's mascots is a venus flytrap.
  • "You [WE CAN'T PRINT THIS!!!]"
  • As horrifying as it looks, the symbiote clone running to Harrower yelling "MOMMY!" repeatedly is still kinda funny.
• Issue 5:
  • Doc Ock's reaction to Harrower and the revived Cletus Kasady flirting in front of him.
    Doctor Octopus: All right, all right, Harrower. Your experiment was clearly a success. Let me congratulate you--and remind you that there's more to life than genetically engineered washboard abs.
  • Lord Deathstrike's absolute refusal to talk while the other Atelier assassins are in the room, instead texting his sister.
  • Once Deadpool's new symbiote dog and Harrower's plant dog start going at it, Doc Ock wisely decides to leave while he still can, only to get pinned down by both dogs in the ensuing fight. He tries again when the dogs are distracted, only to be cornered by Valentine and Lady Deathstrike.
  • Lady Deathstrike being very much done with everything that's been happening.
    Lady Deathstrike: I've been played by several people several times in the past few days. Stabbed by a symbiote. Almost blown up in a lab and slobbered on by a different symbiote. And now I have to watch Deadpool slobber on someone? Just end me now.
    (Princess licks her, causing her to groan)
• Issue 6:
  • While spying on Deadpool, Drop and Rävhona see him talking to Lady Deathstrike with a bouquet in hand and jump to the wrong conclusion.
    Rävhona: Maybe our intel about Deadpool and Valentine's romantic relationship was incorrect...
    Drop: Or he's a two-timing scumbag. Valentine betrayed us because of him, and now he has the audacity to cheat on them?! That's it. He's dead.
    Rävhona: Good thing we're here to kill him.
    Drop: Yeah, but now we're going to extra kill him.
  • Valentine's Blatant Lies when Deadpool comes to pick them up after they fend off Mirror.
    Deadpool: Hey, what happened to your face?
    Valentine: Uh... cooking accident. I was chopping...broccoli.
    Deadpool: (looking around the destroyed apartment) Yikes, that's one hell of a cooking accident.
    Valentine: The, uh, instant pot exploded and blew up the kitchen. After a bird flew into it.
  • Both Deadpool and Valentine making hasty excuses to leave the park once they notice Princess going ham on the assassins behind them.
• Issue 7:
  • Apparently, Last Bite's been lying to his teammates about being on the cover of GQ.
  • Deadpool, when faced with a vampire and a werefox, complains that he used up all his good Twilight jokes three issues ago, then remembers he's been reading other paranormal romance novels.
    Deadpool: Speaking of obscene, I've always wondered--do werefoxes also have kno-
    Rävhona: (slams him into a wall) Nope.
  • Last Bite and Rävhona happily finishing off the Cheerwine Deadpool bought for the date.
  • Princess asking if bones are vitamins after she eats Last Bite.
    Deadpool: They've got calcium, I guess?
    Princess: NOW I HAVE A LOT OF CALCIUM.
• Issue 9:
  • "OUT OF THE WAY! ANIMAL CROSSING!" Said by Deadpool as he and Valentine lead a bunch of monsters down the halls of the Atelier HQ, chasing Drop in the process.
  • The Gilligan Cut to Harrower, sensing that the other creatures she implanted in Deadpool have grown up.
    Harrower: ...did you feel something?
    Plant monster: Krii.
    Harrower: Huh.
• Issue 10:
  • Princess interrupting a tender moment between Deadpool and Valentine for walkies — apparently because Lady Deathstrike told her Papa doesn't deserve alone time.
    Deadpool: JEALOUSY'S AN UGLY THING, DEATHSTRIKE!
  • Deadpool immediately getting Distracted by the Sexy when confronted with Valentine possessed by the Horned Emperor.
    Alcaudón: This is...
    Deadpool: ...really hot. Oh no. I'm actually...I'm very into this. Um.
    Drop: Can you stop being horny for like three seconds?!
  • The ending, where Deadpool and Valentine flirt with each other at a diner...much to Lady Deathstrike's exasperation, since they're in the middle of a massive brawl with a bunch of goons.
  • One of the pictures on the last page shows Valentine and Lady Deathstrike taking a selfie in front of the Atelier's building while Deadpool falls off the roof behind them.

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