Funny / Confused Matthew

• His reaction in Knowing when Cage's character says the caves won't save them, contradicting what he (Cage) said earlier:
  Cage: THE CAVES WON'T SAVE US! NOTHING CAN! The radiation will penetrate a mile into the Earth's crust, do you hear me?!
  Matthew: (in shocked tone) Then why did you tell your family to get into the sewer?!
  • "We have premium rates!"
• His reaction to the alien attack on the Empire State Building in Independence Day.
  • "Oooooooooooh look it's a pretty blue li-OH GOD!"
• During The Matrix Revolutions: "All aboard the Bullshit Express" (train whistle).
• The Phantom Menace:
  Matthew: (On the opening of the film) What's the Trade Federation? Are they part of the Republic? What's Naboo? Is it part of the Republic? And if the answer to both these questions is Yes, then why is the Republic trading with itself? How is it beneficial for the Republic to cut off trade with itself? Why does a Republic have a queen in it? And once more, what are the consequences if the trade routes are blocked off to Naboo, what are Jedi negotiating about, and what are the consequences if the negotiations fail? Also, the Jedi are part of the Republic, so if the answers to my first two questions is Yes, then the Republic has sent the Republic to negotiate with the Republic about lifting trade sanctions on the Republic! This is the equivalent of a guy standing alone in a room saying 'shut up', 'no, you shut up', 'You shuddup', 'No, you shuddup'.

  Matthew: (On the super secret Gungan city) When we finally see this thing: first of all, it's about the size of Delaware, and second of all, it's brighter than the Sun. And considering all three of them were able to swim there without dying of exhaustion or being crushed under the water pressure, it's obviously not that deep, which means at nightfall, the surface of the water is going to be lit up brighter than Vegas. They may as well have hung a neon sign over the water that says "This way to the secret Gungan city".
• ConfusedMatthew's reaction to Anakin's Line "Captain Rex will show you how a little respect will go a long way." in his review of Star Wars: Clone Wars: first a "shocked" drawing switches to an annoyed drawing complete with Godzilla roar, then CM proceeds to show most of the instances in the Prequel Trilogy where Anakin whines or blames everyone else for his troubles. He then concludes that this character cannot be Anakin Skywalker, so he dubs him "Woodstump" for the rest of the review.
  • The rejected nicknames for Anakin Skywalker: "older Simba" and Chakotay
  • Not to mention the other nicknames - Sudoku Tampon, Count Dracula and Emperor Pallet Test.
  • "Now we see that evil will always triumph, because... evil is dumb."
• After watching The Golden Compass, which prominently features polar bears, he feels a sudden urge to have a Coca-Cola for some reason.
• Everything he says about Timon & Pumbaa in his The Lion King II: Simba's Pride review.
  'So Kiara is off having fun, but little does she know that Simba sent Timon and Pumbaa to look after her, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that within the first three seconds of them running into her, they nearly crush and drown her to death.
  Timon and Pumbaa then get distracted on reenacting a beer commercial. I'm not even kidding about that.
• His fear of Harlan Ellison in his Terminator 2: Judgment Day epilogue.
• His imagined scenario for Saw if Jigsaw's prisoners were based on real life people:
  Calm Guy: Well, it's been three hours and I just can't figure out what to do now.
  Jigsaw: Go for the tub.
  Calm Guy: Hey, did you hear something?
  Jigsaw: Go for the tub.
  Calm Guy: Hmm, must have been one of these leaky pipes rusting.
  Jigsaw: Oh, for God's sake!
  • Matthew syncing up the sped up car chase with Yakety Sax.
• In The Hunger Games General Review, the Janelle rant. Especially if you've heard his asshole rants.
• His review of 2010: The Year We Make Contact had him referencing back his review of 2001: A Space Odyssey and his anger at the many scenes where there was nothing but very long shots of landscape, and characters with no arc so he expects the same from this film. Cue the first scene with Heywood Floyd (Roy Scheider) and Dimitri Moiseievich (Dana Elcar) talking about personal details (like Dimitri having asthma), some small talk about the state of the world (the still-running Cold War of the setting apparently about to run hot) and an informal debriefing of the Discovery's mission (which apparent failure Floyd was turned into the Fall Guy of and got him kicked out of NASA, turning the mission into his personal My Greatest Second Chance). Again, this happens in the very first scene, and this actually stuns Matthew into silence for a moment.
  Matthew: INFORMATION!!! PRECIOUS, GLORIOUS INFORMATION!!!
• The Running Gag Broken Record description of the absurdly long shots on 2001: A Space Odyssey ("Landscape", "They are going to The Moon", etc), complete with him telling the audience that he will stop when the film stops, to punctuate how annoying these shots are to him. He repeats this Running Gag on his review of No Country for Old Men.
• In The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug review Matthew is utterly dissappointed by Smaug's performance and calls him out on his Badass Boast:
  Smaug: "I. Am. Fire. I. Am. Death."
  Matthew: "Smaug? You are bullshit. You couldn't kill a room full of dwarves when one of them was standing on your motherfucking mouth."
• In his original review of The Lion King (1994), he states that Timon and Pumbaa teach Simba "Hakuna Matata, which loosely translated means "fuck it"".

---