Funny / André the Giant

  • A possibly apocryphal one: In the Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior DVD, Andre's former manager Bobby Heenan tells a story of how Andre taught the Ultimate Warrior a lesson in respect: apparently, during a spot in a series of matches where Warrior would clothesline Andre into the ropes (where he'd get tangled up), Warrior was hitting Andre waaaay harder than he had to. Heenan noticed his wrestler getting grumpier and grumpier as the matches went on, yet Warrior was hitting him harder and harder each time. Finally, during a match where Warrior went for the clothesline, instead of taking the clothesline like planned.. Andre simply held up his gigantic fist for Warrior to crash his face into at full speed. Warrior goes crashing to the ropes, the force of the punch (according to Heenan) hard enough to crack Warrior's face paint. That isn't the funny part. The funny part is, after it's all said and done, the next time Warrior goes to do the spot, he does it gently and Andre sells it big for him, then Andre turned to Heenan and said: "He's learning."
    • Bonus points for Heenan sounding exactly like Andre in The Princess Bride in his imitation.
  • Another hilarious Andre story that Heenan liked to tell, was one where they were on an airplane and Andre(who was quite inebriated at the time) was fiddling with the armrest of his seat, and when the flight attendant came by to ask if he needed anything, Andre, giving up on the armrest asked for a Screwdriver(meaning the drink). The attendant came back with an actual screwdriver, to which an exasperated Andre snarked "what would you have brought me if I asked for a Bloody Mary?" At that point Heenan took the confused attendant aside and offered her some advice: If a 7'5 500lb man, who is clearly smashed off his ass, comes onto the plane, don't give him tools!
  • Mentioned on the main page, but worth repeating here; Andre refused to let anyone else pay for his meals. On this particular occasion, Andre was at lunch with Arnold Schwarzenegger, who tried to pay for the bill without Andre knowing about it. Andre, of course, got wind of it, went up to Schwarzenegger, PICKED HIM UP AND CARRIED HIM UNDER HIS ARM BACK TO THEIR TABLE. Keep in mind that this was back when Ah-nold was in his prime.
  • During the 80s, when Andre was in his heyday as a face, WWE's prime time wrestling program featured an interview segment hosted by Vince McMahon with a live audience present - think The Tonight Show and you'll get the idea. On one occasion, Andre and Vince were talking, with Lord Alfred Hayes seated next to Andre, and the topic came up about the size of Andre's hands. Andre proceeded to demonstrate the size of his hand by placing it over Hayes's face... covering it completely. Vince, the audience, and Alfred himself start cracking up.