Funny / Abyssal Infinitum

Before the Whims of Fate

• Firstly, after some chapters are noncanonical 'Joke Endings' or incorrect quotes, usually with memes or obscure references. Chapter 2 references Rick and Morty, for example.
• Chapter 9:
  • In the scene where Glynda rescues Ruby Rose in canon, Ruby insteads uses her Crescent Rose like a cricket bat (for Americans, explicitly a cricket bat) and batting the fire crystal away from her.
  • A Freeze-Frame Bonus at that moment hangs a lampshade on how silly it is:
    (???): IMPROBABLE ACTION DETECTED
  • The reveal that the new form of Ozpin is essentially a Troll, and that his Scroll contact for Glynda is "Goodbytch (change this later)"
    'I'll change that picture and name over my dead body', he often would say to himself, chuckling as he stirred more schnapps into his hot cocoa.
• The Act 1 Interlude is drowning in snark written by an in-universe queer travel writer. After mentioning that if one were to travel to Beacon Academy they should bring a knife, it quickly devolves into pretty explicit self-defense advice.
  You can stab them in the spine—not like they were using it anyway. Ambush tactics work the best, I find, especially against cocky young fighters drunk off the feeling of their own Aura.
  If you land a good hit before they crank their Aura up, you'll be the last gay they never see.
• Chapter 12: The entire chapter is snarky and tongue-in-cheek, and there's quite a few funny moments. In the very first scene, the author breaks the fourth wall entirely, which really sets up the tone of the rest of the chapter.
  If you are in a relationship and have not made love with or at the very least embraced your partner in some time, I recommend you to put down this sarcastic, chaotic madhouse of a fanfiction that I've put far too much work and thought into and go remedy that.
  • Also in chapter 12, the reveal that the real name of Ruby's weapon in this AU is La Rose Croissante, coupled with a nod to the fact that most Americans associate the world with crescent rolls.
  • Rubi's first encounter with Weiss, resulting in Rubi commenting on how beautiful she is. In Valois.
• Chapter 13: Continuing where 12 left off, Rubi and Weiss' initial arguments bordering on Cultural Posturing.
  Weiss: What are you even doing here, anyway?! Aren't you a little young to be attending Beacon?!
  Rubi: Are you not a little Atlésien to be attending Beacon?
  • This is promptly followed by Weiss very nearly calling Rubi a slur, then swiftly backpedaling when Blake shows up.
  • Then, a cameo from two characters from Apocalypse State of Mind, Tilly Primrose and Louve Hyacinth, speaking the local language. Weiss' thoughts on the two OCs:
    She'd heard that the Claihn'hari were colorful characters, but that one seemed like she was trying a little too hard with that ridiculous corsair ensemble of hers.
  • In the stinger scene to that chapter, Cardin, having decided to leave Weiss alone because she was trans, like his brother, sees a distracted Blake who knows he's coming. Cue Curb-Stomp Battle, where he's in the dirt before he can even blink. Then, there's a callback to the Act 1 Interlude.
    It was on that day that Blake Belladonna was almost the last bisexual Cardin never saw coming.
• The opening of Chapter 14, with Ozma remembering an encounter with a folk hero named "The Night Runner" who introduces herself by more or less doing the ancient equivalent of a ding-dong ditch, appearing at Ozma's own table with an apple stolen from his own food stores. Then he knocks over a bottle of Rum on accident and sings a sea shanty.
  • Weiss taking forever in the bathroom, quickly followed by Yang banging on the door to get her to hurry up. Twice.
  • There's a mention of Weiss searching for a "standard-issue Atlesian Trans Girl Gravity Dust Epilator", only for it to be clarified that she's actually looking for a safety razor, poking fun at the author's emphasis on technological worldbuilding.
  • There's another brief cameo from Louve Hyacinth where she's crashing through a tree, while Glynda and Ozpin are discussing the morality of the Huntsman Academies.
    Ozpin: Seems our scruffy newcomer was less than prepared.
  • Weiss and Rubi meeting for the first time in the forest, at which point there's a Take That! against the Atlesian Military.
    Rubi blinked. Weiss blinked. Rubi flashed a toothy grin. Weiss did her best impression of an Atlesian soldier by pivoting in place and marching in the other direction. Y'know, romantic things.
  • Rubi calling Myrtenaster a 'little knife', followed by a little more rambling narration mentioning Weiss coming across Blake after trying to walk away from Rubi, and deciding that she was the lesser of two evils. Then there's this gem:
    Though this narration wandered a bit, the moral of the story is that the gods are lunatics that ship Whiterose.
  • Yang and Blake meeting for the first time, as well with a touch of Teasing from Behind the Language Barrier on both sides, ending with mutual Distracted by the Sexy.
    Yang, in Valois: Hey, the book girl!
    Blake, in Hitomari: Shit, the idiot.
  • When Rubi swings her scythe back without looking, and it gets stuck in a tree, she casually asks the Beowolf for a time-out, citing how they're both wolves.
    The beowolf only growled lowly, baring its massive, black canines at her, as if to say No such mercy, my prey.

While We Fall (Rewrite)

• The Girl Friday, when Sarah and Pietro are discussing her Aura Strength.
  Pietro: Medical Aurometer, box on the shelf marked 'Kitchen Stuff', will you?
  Sarah: Kitchen stuff?
  Pietro: Recyclin's important.
  
• The Huntress, where Robyn shows up first, and then midway through her conversation with Sarah, she reveals that she was just chatting Sarah up to distract her. Cue May turning visible and tripping her with her staff.
  • While some of the flashbacks in this chapter are bleak and depressing, there's an offhanded moment where Sarah's eating 'ice cream and pickles', and this isn't elaborated on. Probably for the best.
• The Pretender, the actual duel between Sarah and May takes place. There's quite a few fleeting funny moments here.
  • When Sarah discusses her earlier mishaps while trying to raise her Aura:
    Sarah: I exploded. Twice.
  • May and Sarah engaging in Snark-to-Snark Combat.
    Sarah: How about a tip?
    May: I get paid by the hour.
  • May demonstrating the concept of enervation. On Sarah.
    May: Enervation is something you really need to experience for yourself.
    Sarah: Think you just enjoy hurting me.
    May: (Grinning.) Maybe a little.

• Jackals of Time, during the Flash Forward sequence, there's an Early-Bird Cameo of another AI implied to belong to Louve Hyacinth, (of Apocalypse State of Mind) and also seemingly intimate with Au.R.A.. She's... interesting, and implied to be a former antagonist.
  Au.R.A.: Remind me why I'm linked with you again?
  ARIA: My vast databanks, thick with juicy otherworldly science for you to swallow down.
  • During Ozma's cameo later on in the chapter, he reflects on his Limited Wardrobe.
    Ozma: So, what identical green suit shall we wear today? I'd put it to a vote, but ah, it's not as if it really matters.
• Boiler's Edge, for all the depressed whining in Sarah's narration and the Big First Choice she's deciding to finally take after spending the entire story as The Ditherer, still has some funny moments.
  • The chapter starts off with Sarah completely sloshed, and after the initial whining, she quickly turns into a giggling idiot giddy at the idea of wearing a maid uniform, specifically because of the corset and frills.
    Au.R.A.: Analysis indicates you have consumed sixteen ounces of an eighty-nine-percent alcohol content intoxicant. You are, I believe, black-out drunk. Most would not be able to stand as intoxicated as you are.
    Sarah: Ah'm standin'?
    Au.R.A.: In a strictly technical sense, yes.
  • Tagwood Beans (originally introduced in Apocalypse State of Mind as part of Louve's favorite meals) make a re-appearance as some raw mashed bean snack Sarah's making. That she promptly combines with even more spice.
    Pietro: "Also, what in the name of the Brothers are you makin'? Smells Vacuan."
    Sarah: Delicious pain.
• Liar's Gambit continues the Tagwood gag with Sarah somehow completely Breaking the Fourth Wall, before promptly forgetting about it entirely and putting the beans aside.
  • There's another moment in her narration poking fun at the Author's habit of pointless worldbuilding, after a brief reflection on Mistrali airships somehow not being able to reach Atlas' airport.
    What kind of nerd would put all this effort into making the world bigger and not put vampires in somewhere.

While We Fall (Original Version)

• From Chapter 2, Sarah and Pietro discussing what she did for work in her old world.
  Pietro: So, you seem to know a lot about firearms, young miss. Were you a warrior in your other world?
  Sarah: Haha, no. Not exactly. I was a technician. A, uh, shall we say, mechanical type.
  Pietro: You were a mechanic?
  Sarah: Yeah, but I did some electronics work too. Little bit of engineering and fabrication, though that was more of a hobby than anything else. My day job is- was an industrial robotics technician.
  [Beat]
  Sarah: [Resigned] Yeah, I was a mechanic.
• Chapter 6, when Sarah goes full Motor Mouth mode when she starts to gush about what she learned about Remnant to Pietro. In the opening of Chapter 7, the Adorkable-ness continues, and in the same conversation, she comes out to Pietro as bisexual.
• Chapter 7, when Pietro and Sarah are about to be picked up by a Bullhead.
  Pietro: [Nods and Crosses his arms.] Gravity dust is quite a miraculous thing.
  Sarah: (Cynically) Albeit expensive.
  [Beat]
  Pietro: Hit the economics section too, eh?
  
• Chapter 12, when talking about Pietro's status as an Omnidisciplinary Scientist.
  Pietro: Cyberneticist? My dear girl, I'm a man of many talents. A veritable polymath!
  [Beat]
  Pietro: And some would say a massive pain.
  
• In Chapter 13, Sarah meets Robyn Hill for the first time, and she's immediately Distracted by the Sexy.

• Chapter 14, about why Robyn's hiding out in a random shack in the craterside slums:
  Robyn: There's some people, high-ranking corporate tools, up in Atlas who want me dead for speaking out when I shouldn't have.
  Robyn: You ask me, though, I think at least one's just mad about me stealing their matrimonial beds from 'em!
  
  • Also in Chapter 14, Sarah fumbling with her new Scroll and almost breaking it.

• Chapter 15, when Sarah meets her interviewer, Frank Fieri.
  Sarah: I bet you'd be a great food critic if this whole immigration officer thing doesn't pan out.
  
• Chapter 16, Sarah's second conversation with Au.R.A., where they engage in Snark-to-Snark Combat.
  Au.R.A.: You arrived in the afternoon on June third.
  Sarah: Fourteen days ago.
  Au.R.A. I see we have a basic grasp of arithmetic.
  Sarah: Watch the sass, chips-for-brains.
  
• Chapter 17, Sarah gets her gun back from John Silver, after it's converted to use Remnant ammo.
  John: It was a pleasure to work on your gun, very—very strange. Silver eye was a little confused. Markings and manufacture—where is from?
  Sarah: It's an alien blaster from another planet.
  
  • Also in that chapter, the ending narration.
    Present!Sarah: A sick training montage where I take a few dozen levels in badass and awesome? Maybe a trainer with quirky and bizarre methods that end up working, against all odds?
    Present!Sarah: This is totally gonna be the fun part of my story.
    Future!Sarah: This was not the fun part of my story.
    

Apocalypse State of Mind

• Chapter 2, where the desk officer giving Louve her equipment back, following her arrest, mentions a number of random Noodle Implements that Louve happened to be carrying when she was arrested.
  Desk Officer: "Hang on, aren't Huntresses supposed to carry, y'know, more destructive stuff?"
  • Also in Chapter 2, Louve telling her mother a tall tale about how she conquered Tilly, saying that Ozpin was somehow there... followed by her mother immediately revealing she knows the real story already.

• In Chapter 3, despite being a somewhat bleak introduction to the world that Louve dreams about, there's a passing moment where Shaw demonstrates his Deadpan Snarker chops.
  Taggart: (Slams a folder of evidence on Shaw's desk) Did you know about this?
  Shaw: I don't know how to tell you this, but folders aren't exactly a new invention.

• In Chapter 4, the introduction to Louve's father, a fox faunus, and the reveal that his nickname for her is "Sledgehammer", along with the context for that nickname.
  Before she mastered building things, she first had to master fixing them, and before she mastered fixing things, she had to master taking them apart.
  It took her a while to figure out the 'fixing' and the 'putting back together' bit.

• Chapter 5, in which Louve bumps into Pyrrha Nikos and has a little bit of a Distracted by the Sexy moment. Because of her height, the first thing she sees is Pyrrha's corset.
  • Also in Chapter 5, an offhanded reference to Rubi Rose holding up the line for weapon registration because of Crescent Rose's overengineered design and multiple forms.
• Chapter 6, in which Louve gets distracted, trying to work out exactly how the spring-loaded launch mechanism she was standing on worked instead of working out the more obvious fact that she was about to get catapulted. Cue said mechanism promptly launching her.