Ching Pow: Far East Yardies is a 2014 Gag Dub film directed by Bruce Hart and released by the Twin of Twins comedy duo, utilizing originally-recorded Jamaican dialogue that's super-imposed over footage taken from the Ninja Death movies, a trilogy of obscure kung fu films from 1987, to make one cohesive film with a hilarious plot.
The plot in question: It is the year 2041, 30 years after Kingston, Jamaica was reduced to nothingness following a war of ideologies that crippled the masses of the "fooling class" and rendered them helpless against the manipulative forces of the "ruling class." The resulting rise in taxes caused the economy to crumble and a civil war to break out, not helped by corporate society putting a halt on the local music industry which could have otherwise eased the burdens of the lower classes. As a result of this, a small band of residents came together and fled to the Far East, as the Jamaican identity itself had become illegal to the point that visas for other nations were denied to anyone from the once vibrant island country. The refugees then took on an avatar for themselves, blending the Jamaican with the Chinese.
We are then introduced to the protagonist First Born, a whorehouse operator who gets concerned about a rival whorehouse getting set to give his businessplace serious competition. He is also the Chosen One, and his life is being sought by Bad Muta, the former leader of the aforementioned refugee group who now wants to eliminate any potential threat to his own rise to power; to that end, he sends assassins to verify whether First Born has a sunflower mark on his chest that serves as proof of his "chosen" status. Recognizing that a serious war is brewing on the horizon, Firstborn's kung fu sensei, Master Bob, sets about preparing his student for the inevitable battle.
Tropes in this film include:
- Ass Shove: One of First Born's whorehouse clients attempts to, ahem, enter one whore's back door. When the whore screams out and then informs First Born of what the man tried to do, First Born gives the guy a savage ass-kicking.
- Badass Boast: Bad Muta, while kicking the asses of three of the good guys simultaneously during the climax: "One 'pon three a murder."
- Blood Knight: Adams, by far. "The battlefield nuh look crowded! Send some more bumbo-hole!"
- Calling the Old Man Out: When First Born meets his previously-thought-dead mother, he angrily and tearfully points out how he was abandoned by the individual for almost his entire life, with no attempts to contact him up to that point.First Born: My life nuh easy like one-two-three. The struggle did mad. Me nuh get no hug, no tender care. Other pickney get clothes; wha' happen to me? You think a me wan' inna one suit from the show start? When me a go a school and di pickney dem tell me fi suck mi mother, mi never know wha' fi do. How come, all these years, you never find a way to even make me know? Don't skip around!
- Curb-Stomp Battle: When Master Bob tells him of the war that is set to take place, First Born arrogantly declares that he's ready to take on any challenge that comes at him. Master Bob proceeds to kick his ass in order to disabuse him of that notion.
- Dirty Old Man: Master Bob's first appearance has him visiting First Born's brothel to get some action (while trying to keep same a secret from his wife).
- The Dragon: Adams, Bad Muta's Oni-masked and murder-obsessed enforcer.
- Everyone Has Standards: Firstborn may not be too keen about the Japanese girl who's advertising the rival whorehouse across the street from his own, but he just can't bring himself to ignore two toughs who try to sexually harass the same girl. Naturally, ass-kicking ensues. He also doesn't allow underage people in his brothel.
- Eye Scream: Bad Muta tore out the eyes of Master Bob's brother Juli during a fight in which the former was trying to kill the infant First Born.
- Gag Dub: Just watch these obviously Chinese characters and listen to the dubbed-over Jamaican dialects and speech and try not to laugh.
- Good All Along: Mushugashi and Sukura.
- Groin Attack: Two thugs try to rape Sukura while she's tied up. Her retaliation starts with kneeing one in the crotch before freeing herself with a sword and killing both of them.
- Heroic Bastard: First Born is the son of the former royal empress and one of Bad Muta's assassins who couldn't bring himself to kill her.
- Honey Trap: Mushugashi and Sukura, two of Bad Muta's lackeys, attempt to eliminate First Born by making use of the Japanese brothel—basically, the plan entails Sukura luring him in with her looks, following which Mushugashi will kill him.
- Leaning on the Fourth Wall: At one point while fighting a trio of assailants, First Born drops this line when one of them starts running away from him:First Born: A where you a run go? Come dead inna the show!
- In Love with the Mark: As Master Bob explains via flashback, Bad Muta sent one of his assassins to kill the royal empress in order to establish his own claim to the throne. Problem is, the assassin couldn't bring himself to kill a defenseless woman...so he wound up breeding her instead, resulting in First Born's birth.
- Luke, I Am Your Father: Adams is, respectively, First Born's father and Master Bob's brother.
- Mistaken for Gay: When First Born is brought into the Japanese whorehouse, he encounters Mushugashi, who's initially wearing a very feminine wig...then discards it and proceeds to attack First Born. All throughout the fight he's trying to tear off First Born's clothes (in order to locate the sunflower tattoo that designates the protagonist as the Chosen One), but First Born is understandably freaked out at what he naturally assumes is a rape attempt.First Born: A wha' kinda whorehouse this?!
- Murder Is the Best Solution: Adams's first speaking line establishes that he believes in this.Adams: I goin' murder some bumbo-hole inside of here! I goin' do what my mind always telling me—kill, kill, and don't stop bumbo-claat kill!
- Out with a Bang: One of Master Bob's brothers, Norvell, was killed by Bad Muta's assassins while he was busy with a prostitute.Master Bob: While him a fuck, him get fuck.
- Papa Wolf: The no-longer-brainwashed Adams pulls a Big Damn Heroes moment to save First Born from Bad Muta.You lick mi bombo-claat pickney, boy?!
- Smoking Is Cool: First Born, the main character and a kung fu badass, is introduced casually lighting up a cigarette while promoting his whorehouse.
- Speed Sex: The first potential customer that First Born invites into his whorehouse confesses that he's got this problem. First Born sets him up with a girl who can take care of that problem for him.
- Sword Cane: Master Bob has a blade hidden in his staff, which he uses to dispatch a group of ninjas sent to kill him.
- Training from Hell: Master Bob's training of First Born starts with a Curb-Stomp Battle, then is followed one scene later by First Born being forced to endure an intense steam bath and then being surrounded by a massive block of ice. And that's without getting into the part where he's later beaten with heavy rods by Master Bob's assistants.
- Would Not Hit a Girl: When First Born is manhandled into the Japanese whorehouse by some of its girls at one point, he cites this trope as the only reason he's not fighting back.
