Fanfic / Shingeki no Lesbian Horses

It was an insipidly fine summers day, the birds sang sweet songs, all the children were playing and laughing, revelling in the gentle breeze that washed over them carrying the scent of a thousand wildflowers.
Twieren Sparkljaeger hated it.
She hated the bright, friendly sun for providing visibility to the enemy. She hated the children for not devoting themselves to building the factories they'd need to withstand the coming threat. She hated the adults for dismissing her claims, her pleas, as spiteful hate-speech. Could they not see the truth? Could they not feel the winds of change? How could an entire population be so blind?

— Our... "heroic" main character in a nutshell

Shingeki no Lesbian Horses, by Ironypus, is a crossover between My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic and Attack on Titan.

The Festival of Light is a celebration of Princess Pixestia and her tireless crusade of raising the life-giving sun in the sky each morning. But to Twieren Sparkljaeger, it has a different meaning, the true meaning, a darker meaning. True, they need the sun, but it doesn't have to be so bright, and that brightness fed The Enemy.

The name is also a prophecy.

On the first Festival of Light, back when it was called The Sundance Festival, a truly evil Dark Lord appeared. A Dark Lord by the name of Light. With his magic notebook, an artefact capable of bringing imagination to life, he created the Enemy among them. But the Dark Lord was sly, and the townspeople fools. His vile creations acted like everyone else, more human even, but for all their affability, they still preyed upon the town. Slowly at first, but gaining steam over a thousand years, and now, Twieren was sure, They would strike with their full might and annihilate everything she'd ever known. That was why she had to stop them.

That was why she had to be prepared.

---

Shingeki no Lesbian Horses provides examples of the following tropes:

• Animalistic Abomination: The Lesbian Horses.
• Anti-Hero: Twieren Sparkljaeger, of the unscrupulous kind. She is extremely psychotic in her rage against the Lesbian Horses, but since they killed her mother it's not hard to feel bad for her. And while she is undoubtedly cynical, extremely vicious, hateful and enslaved Spiarmin with her magic, she also has the ponies' survival as her primary goal and vows to protect even the people who laughed at her before.
• Ax-Crazy: Twieren. Dear God, alone the things that she does to Fluttershy whom she believes to be a spy in the first chapter... although in the third chapter it turns out she was right about Fluttershy, she is still really crazy.
• Berserk Button: It's hard to count the things that don't make Twieren absolutely livid.
• Blatant Lies: Fluttershy says her kind "isn't really that bad", literally seconds before starting to devour ponies.
• Citadel City: Twieren and her fellow ponies (and Spiarmin) live in this after Twieren raises Wall Sina, though the city is a smaller part of it. The interior of Wall Sina is mostly composed of rural areas.
• Cliffhanger: The first chapter ends with Princess Dot Pixestia kissing the Lesbian Horse Nightmare Moon.
• Conspiracy Theorist: Twieren, to dangerously insane levels. When animals gather around Fluttershy (whom she believes to be a spy) due to her beautiful singing, her first thought is that they're spies themselves and massacres them. Then in chapter 3 it turns out that Fluttershy actually is a Lesbian Horse. Twieren was right the whole time! Though the thing with the animals was still her being crazy, probably.
• Crazy-Prepared: Twieren makes a point of wearing full body armour, and carries at least seven swords, knives and other bladed weapons with her.
• Deadpan Snarker: Spiarmin might be a magic-induced slave to Twieren, but that doesn't mean he won't snark at her insanity.
• Good Is Not Nice: Twieren, although the "good" part is debatable.
• Have a Nice Death: Princess Pixestia at the end of chapter 1.
  "And may the Odds Be Ever in your Favour!"
• Incredibly Lame Pun: Twieren's speech at the end of chapter 2 has this gem:
  "The Lesbian Horses will come after us, and lesbihonest, I don't know what they're capable of!"
• I Need a Freaking Drink: Spiarmin certainly does, for which absolutely no one blames him.
• Jerkass: Her goals are admirable, but Twieren is not a nice or pleasant person, and even can be a real bitch sometimes.
• Katanas Are Just Better: Miraibaka equips herself with two katanas, and later slices through a Lesbian Horse as if it was made out of cardboard with them.
• Kick the Dog: Twieren beating Fluttershy to a pulp and killing her animals, operating under the assumption that they are all spies. Though in chapter 3 it turns out she was right about Fluttershy, at least.
• Knight Templar: Twieren is absolutely merciless in her fight against the Lesbian Horses, as Fluttershy and her animals in chapter 1 find out.
• Nigh-Invulnerability: Not exactly. A Lesbian Horse's body isn't particulary more invulnerable than a normal pony's, it's just that doing things like stabbing through their faces and cutting off their limbs doesn't even slow them down. But...
  • Achilles' Heel: Their weakpoint seems to be the nape of their neck, as Fluttershy immediately dies when Miraibaka cuts through it.
• Only Sane Pony: Played with. Twieren thinks she is this. And while she is right about the Lesbian Horses, she is anything but sane.
• Properly Paranoid: Twieren, both in regards to the threat the Lesbian Horses pose and Fluttershy being a spy.
• Red Oni, Blue Oni: Twieren (red) is hot-headed, prone to anger and impulsiveness, while her adoptive sister Miraibaka (blue) is stoic, generally keeps a cool head and is fairly reasonable.
• Rousing Speech: Twieren to the other ponies at the beginning of chapter 2, after Princess Pixestia turns out to be a Lesbian Horse in a relationship with Nightmare Moon.
  "PONIES!
  IT IS TIME! LOOK BEFORE YOU, LOOK TO YOUR QUEEN! IT WAS PROPHESISED LONG AGO THAT THE LESBIAN HORSES WOULD RETURN, PROPHESISED THAT THEIR COMING WOULD BE THE DEATH OF ALL LIFE, PROPHESISED THAT TODAY WOULD BE THE END OF DAYS! AND WHAT DO WE SAY TO THE GOD OF DEATH?! NOT TODAY! TODAY IS NOT A GOOD DAY TO DIE! YOU HAVE FAMILIES AND CHILDREN, PEOPLE YOU WANT TO PROTECT! AND TO DO THAT YOU MUST TAKE UP THE SWORD! CAST OFF THE SHACKLES OF YOUR MIND, ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THIS TOWN IS LOST! BUT YOU ARE NOT! USE THE HUMILIATION OF OPPRESSION TO POWER THE FIST OF RETALIATION! TODAY MANKIND HAS RECEIVED A GRIM REMINDER, THAT WE WILL LIVE IN FEAR OF THE LESBIAN HORSES INSIDE THESE CAGES WE CALL WALLS!
  I HAVE PREPARED A SHELTER, A MIGHTY KEEP TO SAVE US! TO RECEIVE PROTECTION FROM THE THREAT YOU NEED ONLY ASK!
  THEY ARE THE PREY AND WE ARE THE HUNTERS!"
• Shout-Out: Way too many to count.
• The Stoic: Miraibaka, to the point where she is utterly unfazed by Twieren's craziness.
  • Not So Stoic: When Twieren is in danger. The Lesbian Horse Fluttershy finds it out the hard way in chapter 3.
• "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Spiarmin gives one to Twieren in chapter 2.
  Spiarmin: I swear, if you were any more bloody conceited your head would explode from too much ego.
  Twieren: If I weren't so bloody conceited, we'd all be bloody dead!
  Spiarmin: No. That's not right, is it? You could easily have been a thousand times nicer from the start, not done everything on your own, but then you wouldn't get the pleasure of being Right. You wanted it to be like this, to have them all in your debt, have them all know deep down that you saved all their lives and that they can never repay you and you can spend the rest of your life lording it over them because otherwise you would have died alone, old and shrivelled and in tears because the idea of you, the long suffering, wrongly persecuted Twieren Sparkljaeger being Right was the only true love you would ever know.
• Screaming Warrior: Twieren. And absolutely no one was surprised.
• Training from Hell: What Twieren plans to inflict on her fellow ponies, but considering what they're up against it's justified.
• True Companions: Invoked by Spiarmin to Twieren, who points out that having comrades to watch your back during war would be benefitical. She agrees... for the wrong reason.
  Twieren: I suppose a general would need to know his men, so they might throw themselves upon the enemies' swords at his command.
• We Have Become Complacent: The other ponies, to Twieren's anger.
  How could they all be so naïve? How could they all just go about their daily business, getting fat and lazy and slovenly? Look at those store owners, hawking cheap and gaudy trinkets instead of manuals in martial arts, ninja stars and assorted medieval armour!
• Well-Intentioned Extremist: Twieren is cruel and merciless, but she really does have the best for the other ponies in mind.
• Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds: A possible interpretation of Fluttershy. Was she really a malicious Lesbian Horse spy the whole time or did she attempt to live in peace until Twieren's continued beatings made her snap?
• You Killed My Father: A big reason reason why Twieren hates the Lesbian Horses so passionately.