" u put that way rigt now or i will kill u!"What could POSSIBLY be worse than My Immortal? Meet HART SHAPED LOVE. a fanfiction-crossover story of epicly terrible proportions by Xx X Hinata Docking Xx X. It stars Bella Swan of Twilight fame, as she walks with Edward into Hogwarts Castle.Shenanigans ensue, and nothing makes a lick of sense. From Edward dressing up like a mailman to distract Jack Noir, to Katy Perry's inexplicable role as a villain, this story is INSANE. Dave Strider kills Karkat on top of Mount Doom, Rick Grimes kills Naruto, and Katy Perry is evil.Next to EVERYTHING is thrown into this story. In fact, let's make a list right now.-Team Fortress 2-Super Mario Bros.-Twilight- Homestuck (Moreso in the lesser known Part 2: PAINED HARTS)-Naruto-Harry Potter-Katy Perry-The Walking Dead-Kingdom Hearts-The Legend of Zelda...And it doesn't stop there. Everything from bad Sonic fancharacters, to a weeaboo Team Fortress 2 fan-teammember. After reading this, you will PRAY that it is the work of a troll. If you're really a sucker for punishment though, you can read Part 1 Here. Part 2 was uploaded to an alt account, which was taken down. You can now find it Here. A dramatic reading can be found here.
— Jack Noir, after revealing that Professor Snape was really just him in a mask.
Includes examples of:
- All Love Is Unrequited: Bella falls in love with nearly every male character she meets. Even non-human ones, and except for Edward, not a single one of them acknowledges it.
- Ass Pull: Chaotix's Heartless-destroying laser in Part 1, and Edward's "Pure Heart" in Part 2.
- Big Bad: Lord English, although he does less evil things than the GOOD GUYS.
- Did You Just Romance Cthulu: Bella falls in love with The Dragon Jack Noir because his sword is covered in blood.
- Dramatic Reading: Courtesy of Marionetta Susette and manwithoutabody.
- Dramatic Unmask: Professor Snape turns out to really be just Jack Noir in a mask.
- Elite Mooks: Bowser and "Paranaplant". Apparently they're Katy Perry's best henchmen, which really doesn't say a whole lot for the rest of them.
- Fanfiction Dot Net: The original story was uploaded here, and Part 2 was up for a brief time, before an unfortunate account deletion.
- Fantastic Racism: Subverted in that Bella doesn't care what SPECIES you are, but when the Demoman got killed, it was okay because he was black.
- Goldfish Poop Gang: The "HARTLESS". They randomly pop up throughout the story to do NOTHING and get killed.
- Gratuitous English: In Part 1, the character descriptions are insanely detailed, and some of the words used are just... strange...
- Gratuitous Japanese: From Ôsáka K'yôtô Beàtrix Narcyssa Sâkúra's name, to shouts of KONNICHIWA, to OROCHIMARU HAS SUMMONED THE HARTLESS!
- Handicapped Badass: Subverted. "Crippletroll" doesn't do ANYTHING except admit his love for Bella, and even then, he's pushed away.
- In-Name-Only: Subverted. Karkat is horribly out of character, and his name is NEVER SPELLED CORRECTLY. Not even once. He's been called Katkat, Katkar, Karpart, Kitkat, Karkap, Kafkat, Katrak, Karkar, Katker, Karykat, and Kitkar, but NEVER Karkat.
- Invincible Villain: Lord English is supposedly invincible in Homestuck canon, but here, he's about as powerful as mayonnaise.
- Mindlink Mates: Terezi and Dave become this near the end of Part 2.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: Probably the reason the titular love is shaped like a deer.
- The Cameo: Frodo Baggins appears to give Dave, "Kitkat" and Terezi climbing gear, and then leaves without a word. Rick Grimes from The Walking Dead showed up too, only to be killed by Jack a few minutes later.
- The Dragon: Jack Noir in Part 2.
- Out of Character: Oh god. EVERYONE is out of character here. EVERYONE.
- Villain Decay: Katy Perry and Jack Noir. Katy Perry is built up in Part 1 to be the Big Bad, but in Part 2, She sends two incompetent losers after Dave and Terezi, and gets killed by Bell literally a minute after she reveals herself. Jack Noir is reduced from a green-energy- blasting, sword-wielding maniac to a Scooby-Doo-esque costume wearer towards the end.
- And in the sequel, Lord English (the Big Bad of Homestuck) gets defeated in one hit.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: The objective at the beginning of Part 2 is to stop Ganondorf and Orochimaru, who are NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN. This is also used with the character of Paranaplant, who is sent with Bowser to stop Terezi and Dave, but never seen again. Bella also falls in love with Eridan in part 1, who vanished for Part 2.