Awesome: Black Books

  • Despite being drunken jackass most of the time, Bernard displays once in a while he does have respect for his own wares:
    Customer: (about a complete collection of Charles Dickens work) Are they real leather?
    Bernard: They're real Dickens.
  • Manny spends most of the series being the Butt Monkey to the other characters. Then, after a particularly cruel period of torment from Bernard, he takes some therapy to sort out some of his issues - and the resulting Manny is so assertive he manages to reduce the bullying, arrogant Bernard into an insecure, hysterical wreck over the course of a short conversation:
    Bernard: You look different. Have they put you on steroids?
    Manny: [Calm but withering] What are you talking about, you silly little man?
    Bernard: [Indignant] Now look here - !
    Manny: Haven't you got some work you should be doing or something? And isn't it about time you had a really good scrub?
    Bernard: [Hurt] It isn't my fault I look like this, you haven't washed my things -
    Manny: [Patronising] Ah - we can't blame others for our own appearance, can we?
    Bernard: [Flustered] Well, no, but, no...
    Manny: I suggest you wash your own socks if you can chisel them out of your shoes. I'm going for a nap. I don't want to be disturbed.
    Bernard: [Hysterical and shrieking, obviously upset] How dare you speak this way to me?! My own son!!! [Realizes what he's just said]
    Manny: What did you say?!
    Bernard: Nothing. Nothing.
    • Bernard's half-crazed and sadly ineffective defence of Manny- whilst under the influence of coffee and oven cleaner:
    Bernard: (Hoarsely) How dare you? Don't you touch a hair on that boy's head! Have you no respect? He's mine! Get your own human play-thing... you quartz-brained little cream puff!
    (He swings a fist at Evan, misses, and crashes to the floor.)
    Manny: Uh, what sort of thing would you like?
    (Without warning, Bernard violently shoves Manny through the curtains)
    Bernard: DON'T ASK QUESTIONS, JUST DO IT!!! And clean this place up, it's a disgrace!
    (Behind the curtains, Manny smiles contentedly)
    Bernard: And boil the bath out! And polish the stair rods! Delouse the duvet! And tumble-dry our doilies! And hoover the roof! And whistle down the chimneys!
    • This becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when you realize the same actors would go on to play almost complete opposites of their characters (well, Dylan Moran's David was still a git) in Shaun of the Dead.
    • And, being a struggling author, Bernard has a crowning moment in a DVD short in which he replies to a rejection letter from the publishers:
      Dear Mr Chussington-Howe-Foxworthy, thank you for returning my manuscript and your enclosed nasty nimminy-pimminy note. I am afraid your letter is most unsuitable for me at the present time, as I've just spent the entire weekend writing the novel that you have summarily rejected. I can only presume it is company policy to reject all manuscripts not submitted in ten-foot-high braille, and yes, I am aware it is traditionally bad form to respond to any kind of criticism or rejection, but in this, as with all else, I am an innovator, therefore I may freely address you as... PISS MIDGET. Still, there's time for you to change your views, and I think you will when we meet, and meet we most assuredly will: when I suck out your eyes and use them as stoppers for my ears to muffle the screams you will make as I headbutt you into a fine paste I do hope you will not be disheartened by your sudden violent death. Yours faithfully, Bernard Black.
    • Subversion or straight I'll let you decide...
    Bernard: What were you thinking, what was going through your brain when you thought 'Oh yeah, I'll have a wicker toilet?
  • Any moment in the episode "Blood" when Manny or Bernard take on the invisible creatures: special mention must go to Bernard noticing one of them, despite them being invisible, on the other side of the shop, casually putting his foot up on his desk, drawing a knife from his shoe and hurling it.
  • Bernard writing a 1,000 page novel with a deeply complex plot, characters and themes in the space of one night using two typewriters.
  • Any displays of Manny's hidden talents, such as playing piano, making a tower out of soup and selling half the contents of the bookshop on his first day.
  • When Fran is at a hen's party, she finds out how inferior she is to all her friends, who have families and stable careers. Fran is further put down when her "friends" mention that they've always had a low opinion of her. Fran manages to turn the tables by mentioning how she never slept with the groom behind the bride's back. Yes, there are some things even Fran won't do.