Welcome back.
Previously on the liveblog, "fun" sexytimes happened. And by "fun", I mean "oh my God this is so revolting, why the fuck am I reading this shit". Then after Sakura is saved, she finds out that she's going to have a baby, and Ronan is continuing to prove that he's the Chris Brown of badfics, if Mr. Brown had weird-ass fetishes, and the physical abuse is replaced by mental abuse. (Which, by the way, is still bad.)
So yeah! Nothing that important happened! So we'll move on with...
We get our Author's Notes.
- "YO [EOPEL NEDD 2 EAFE ME A ALONE I AM JUST TRYIN TO B A GOD WRITER AND I AM SO FUCK U ALL OK FUCKERS! THIS IS A GOOD STORY AND PEOPL LI KE NARUSUPERGAL NO THA T BECAUS THEY ROCK FUCK EVERYBODY WHO HATES THIS ITS GOOD AND THATS TAT! I WILL NOT STUP WRIGBTIGN ITS MY STORY AND I CAN STOP WEN I WONT!"
Narusupergal? Isn't that a crossover between Naruto and Supergirl? Honestly, I'd love to read a crossover fic featuring those two series.
"Your task is writing a crossover fic featuring Naruto and Supergirl. The fic should include a Cooking Duel as a plot point!"
Best. Fic. Evar.
...oh, wait, that's presumably one of the reviewers. Oh, great, the writer's insulting critics, how mature.
Oh, and he'll only stop writing it whenever he wants. Considering the damn length of this bullshit...
Plus, this fic's presented as "Chapter 6". Just so you know.
Regardless, the chapter begins with Sakura, after finding out that she's pregnant, running over to Ronan. Wait, how the hell did she manage to find him? Meh, regardless, she tells him that she's having his baby—wait, WHAT?
How the fuck does she even know that the baby's Ronan's? Unless if the..."mystical Japanese pregnancy test"...(headdesk)...told her who the father is. Still, that's no excuse.
And we get all of this "omg i love u and ur member plz come" bullshit. Wow, just wow. To think that this series can't get...wow.
Regardless, Ronan forgives her (presumably), and they head back to the temple. And then...Sakura starts to give birth.
Wait, what?!
She can't give birth that fast! It's impossible to conceive, carry, and give birth to a child, all in one fucking day! And yes, I admit, in We Are Our Avatars, I was guilty of having my characters have short due dates...but they had excuses!
In any event, Ronan is turned on by the birthing. Especially when the blood happens. Dear God, ew. Sakura gives birth to a daughter, Mandy Waterfall. And Jake's real-life girlfriend, Katie, provided the name.
Yay?
After placing the child in a crib, Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi congratulates the group on the new baby...then Orochimaru kidnaps Sakura and the baby. This guy clearly needs a new hobby. Or, more alternatively, Jake needs to do more research on Orochimaru.
The battle ends as anticlimatically as the last one: Ronan summons his dragon, our "hero" blasts the villain with the light, Orochimaru binds Ronan with chains, Ronan breaks out of the chains, and the dragon blasts the villain. Yawn. Orochimaru swears revenge, and he flees.
Cut to a pool, and Sakura is clad in a bikini. Focusing on the breasts in such a disgusting manner. You don't want to know what it is. Regardless, the chapter ends with the girls—and Sakura—noticing how much of a stud Ronan is...(rolls eyes)...and then another Sakura arrives!
Wait, what? Please tell me that it's just a clone, not the child...please, God...
Chapter 6: The Child, Part II...Oh, God, the Disturbances...
The Author's Note only has Jake being pissy because he accidentally deleted some of Chapter 5. Uh...so? You could always try to rewrite it again! God knows that I had to do exactly that when some of my installments got deleted by accident...
The chapter begins with Sakura asking the newcomer, in kinder terms, who she fucking is. Yes. How nice of you, Sakura, to ask that in such a sweet manner.
Not.
The newcomer reveals herself to be...Mandy Waterfall. Yes, that's right. From when we saw her as a baby to now, she suddenly aged up to exactly Sakura's age. Jake Tanner, babies do not grow up that way!
But this does not faze the parents at all, especially Ronan. After Sakura and Mandy get out of the pool...ugh, really? Ronan finds the both of them hot.
(starts to cry)
Regardless, "sexytime" can wait, for something's happening in the temple! What is it? Orochimaru's back. Yay. And upon seeing mother and daughter...he blows up the temple. Killing Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi.
By the way? Like The Prayer Warriors, expect this death to not stick.
The two mourn, then...oh, boy. After that happens, they head elsewhere for some shelter. Oh, and we get a lovely explanation as to why Ronan wants to screw with Mandy, who, I shall remind you this, is his own damn daughter.
- "it was so hot mndy had breast ust like her mom but then mandy reveaked that she was a clone born frm skura and not my daugbter so i could have sex with her and it would be incest ok."
...you idiot. First, how can she even be a clone when she has the DNA of both the mother and father? Secondly, I shall stress this, having sex with relatives is not okay. It's fucking incest. It's gross, it's immoral, it's...oy.
Eventually, they meet with an older woman. A cougar, if you will. We don't get a backstory for her until the next chapter, but her name is Fiona. And...ugh. I really don't want to describe what she looks like. Because it's sickening.
Come to think of it, this entire fanfic makes people physically sick.
That being said, Fiona shows the group their bedrooms. And calls them "fuckers". Okay, if someone was trying to be nice and then calls me a fucker, I'd run the hell out.
But they don't. They stay in the room, and they screw in Sex Scene #4. Ugh, where is my Brain Bleach? (picks up Brain Bleach) Here it is! (uses it)
...and then, the next day, Fiona enters the room, and it is disgusting. Normally, if anyone sees such a room covered in sex and debauchery, they'd run the hell out of there. Or tell the occupants to clean it up immediately. But not Fiona. Nope, we jump into Sex Scene #5!
After that, they go downstairs and grab a bite to eat. Then, out of nowhere, Fiona announces that she needs to take a shit. Which she does. Which is described in every fucking lovely detail. And yes, you guessed it, Ronan is turned on by this.
...I'm gonna need a bigger case of Brain Bleach.
The chapter ends with Orochimaru—excuse me, "Orochimaury" (so a fusion of Orochimaru and Maury Povich?)—leaving a note, letting them know that he has captured the three male members of Team 7...and he's going to kill them. What.
Okay. How the hell did they get revived? We were told that they were killed off!
Oh, wait, apparentally, he was talking about Sakura, Fiona, and Mandy. I...don't know. Regardless, Ronan is determined to save the ladies. Why? Because, and I quote, they are his "2 fuck". I am dead serious. He doesn't give a shit about their lives, he gives a shit about fucking them.
Wow. Our hero.
Also. Once he arrives at Orochimaru's lair, what does he see? Mandy working with the bad guy. Yeah. With no explanation whatsoever with that Face–Heel Turn!
And our ending Author's Note has Jake screaming random Anguish. About how things will get darker and scarier, and he hopes that people would love it. And he forgot the "I Do Not Own" disclaimer, states for us to not fucking flame, and he promises to tone down the scat. Except that he doesn't. Not by a long shot.
...how much further do we have? (64 chapters) Oh, come on!
Who is the next to be screwed? Will Orochimaru finally be defeated for good? And will I continue to power on through this insanity?
Now, Forward! To the next liveblogging of Naruto: Veangance Revelaitons!
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