(We see Mao and Dan, still trying to find an exit...)
Mao: ...where's Mako?
Dan: I'm sure she's fine.
Mao: No, no...we'll know she's fine if we continue on!
Dan: Oh, right. (sighs)
(then a sign appears)
What the?
Mao: "So sorry for the wait. Due to technicalities, you can pass."
...
(Mao is annoyed)
Just what the fuck does that even mean?
(Dan is surprised to hear Mao like this)
Dan: I don't know, Mao!
Mao: Regardless...(she rubs her head) We don't have much more to go. Come on, Dan...
(the two head off to the next dungeon)
(with Rika...)
Rika: Welcome back.
Previously, we've seen the Samurai Rangers, Commander Asshole was being a Flanderized asshole, and lots of repetition were had. That's literally about it.
(...)
Oh? There was a new character named Chiharu? Fuck that, she isn't important yet!
And now, we'll get back to the "tributes", and this two-parter will focus on Turboranger.
(cue Power Rangers Turbo theme)
Pfft—HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No, not those "Turbo Rangers". I mean Kousoku Sentai Turboranger, the team with the very first Teenagers With Attitude™. Maybe.
So we'll start the party with...
Chapter 29: Turboranger's Plant Dilemma
We get an Author's Note.
- "Some monsters here will be using plots coming from the Zyu2 footage of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers which were monsters created by Toei to further continue Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers."
And yes, Zyu2 exists. And yes, Akizuki is using one of the monsters and, once again, recreating its ass. This time, remember Bloom of Doom? It'll be renamed as "Bloom Bouma".
(Rika gives a look that reads, "...seriously.")
- "Also, if there are no other rangers showing up, please assume they are still at the New Skybase either at the lobby, in training grounds, etc. because they don't always show up. They are shelved out in the sense they are not mentioned, just imagine them in cameo."
You know, I'd love to mention that as well. Because it seems that almost any character who has been used, it's in either one of a few flavors...
- ...Akizuki likes them so damn much.
- ...the author hates them so damn much.
- ...puns! Everyone loves 'em!
- ...recreating their histories.
See what I mean? To be honest, not every single character is also portrayed positively. No matter if they're used or underused, no matter what, they're still out of character so much, it ain't funny.
But anyway.
The chapter begins with us seeing the people in the Turboranger "tribute" mission—Tommy, Justin, Kimberly, Masumi, and Tsubasa. And since we can't seem to get through every damn chapter without a fucking Ship Tease or two (or 10), we see Tommy and Kimberly trying to be together. After Kimberly wishes that she never left the team and went into gymnastics...
...that's like wishing that Amy Jo Johnson never left the show. I'm sorry to come to that conclusion, but...to be fair? I respect her decision (at the time) to leave so she can further her career! And it worked wonders for her ever since!
Tommy says this.
- Tommy: "We couldn't stop you either. After all, you had to live your life like every Super Sentai warrior after their battles are over. They usually go back to their regular lives after a battle is over."
(Rika cracks up laughing)
Oh...if it isn't the redundancy, it's...what?! Why is it that Tommy is mentioning about the Sentai Warriors? Couldn't he mention about the other Rangers themselves?
Wait. Perhaps it's because he's living in that world for too long. With all the shit that has happened, it's warping his brain, making him used more to the Sentai.
Oh, shit.
(Rika is also probably drunk, having consumed a lot of sake after the last chapter)
As Cassie, Katherine, and Adam talk to the others, Justin remembers a dream. A kid with the Byakkoshinken. Kou of Dairanger. And he saw his own counterpart, Naoki.
(Rika headdesks)
Spoiler alert: Justin will become Kou's counterpart.
(then cue a "boo!" from the audience)
Hey, calm down, calm down...
(Rika clears her throat)
In some ways, it makes a lot of sense. After all, Kou is the first kid Ranger, despite all he's done. Like...being a creepy kiddy pervert to Rin (as in, G!Rin, not Actress!Rin...S!Rin?). And being a Bratty Half-Pint. And...
Ah, fuck it, it actually doesn't make any damn sense!
(When Mao and Dan step inside, there are only two levels. However, unlike the past ones, this one isn't going to be a cakewalk.)
(Darkness overcomes them—literally—and shadows, resembling the captured Scouts, appear. First up is Shadow!Xander)
Mao: Xander?
Shadow!Xander: Yeah! It's me! What's up, guys?
Dan: ...what are you doing here?
Shadow!Xander: Well, it's a surprise, mate.
(following Shadow!Xander is Shadow!Tori)
Shadow!Tori: Hey! What are you guys waiting for?
Shadow!Xander: Uh...right! Sorry...(to Dan and Mako) Come on! Adventure awaits!
(Dan and Mao are really unsure what the hell's going on, but they follow the shadow doubles, anyway)
(cut to Rika, who's just downing the sake like there's no tomorrow)
Rika: So we go to a racing area, where Ban and Sosuke drive like fucking crazy. By the way, apparentally, we're told that this area is where Rangers and Sentai Warriors can train for races and test their motocross skills. Here? It's an excuse for "LOL DETENTION TIEMS!"
They speed up to the point where they flip and land into Chiharu's flower collection. And she is not happy, since, apparentally, Hoji gave her the flowers. Okay, just how in the hell did he find the time to get the flowers?
...and speaking as someone who was once in a pretty bad wreck with a go-kart herself in the past, reading this is rather...cringeworthy.
Ban and Sosuke apologize, and they decide to turn themselves in. Yes. Two of the most infamous "screaming Reds" in the late aughts, two of the most passionate, Hot-Blooded guys...just turn themselves in!
(Rika is just lost)
Normally, I would have been liking this. But this comes after Natsuki and Eri's detentions, and later Spike's. This ultimately doesn't make any sense, because there was always a chance for Ban and Sosuke to be either A) pitied with Flanderizations or B) unrootable assholes. Likewise, the three that were punished? There would have been a chance for them to see the error of their ways.
...
(Rika sighs sadly)
At the Director's Office, Director Aya...really, it's just so tempting to call her Director Bitchiness because of the way she's acting...yells at the two Red Warriors for their problems, and she punishes them the same way: the rock piles. To her shock, Ban and Sosuke don't resist at all. Aya decides that she might reduce their times at the rock piles, or she might add time on for Spike if he keeps misbehaving.
(Rika taps her fingers)
Aya decides to focus on some more training facilities...and she tells Swan to help her confirm if Chiharu is her missing daughter. NO FUCKING SHIT! That is it. Aya is the worst—and the dumbest—commander in this fanfic.
(Tranza stares at Rika in shock)
Tranza: W-what?
Rika: Aya bitches a lot, gives orders, and ultimately, she's no better than Commander Asshole. "But wait!" you say. "She doesn't send the other Rangers or Sentai Warriors into a suicide mission!" Seriously...think about the punishments. Think about the ways she reacts when people don't follow the rules. As far as I'm concerned, that doesn't really make her better. At all.
That, and there's the fact that the answer is just standing right there, in fucking front of her. Seriously, is she really that stupid? It's just...
(Rika drinks)
(in the second floor...)
Dan: So where are you taking us?
Shadow!Xander: Simply put...are you ready for a challenge?
(Mao and Dan then realize one thing)
Dan: Aw, fuck us...
(Darkuroi then arrives)
Darkuroi: Welcome. You're very lucky to have made it thus far.
Mao: We already know. In fact, we also even know what usually happens to the victors—no matter what, we lose.
Darkuroi: Who said anything about that?
Mao: Don't play any tricks! (prepares her Gokai Sabre)
Darkuroi: Well then...ready to face your destiny?
(he nods to Shadow!Xander and Shadow!Tori)
Get them!
(and so, a fight breaks out...)
Mao: Holy—! (Shadow!Tori uses a tidal wave to crush Mao, and the latter dodges, but just barely)
Dan: What are we going to do?
Mao: I don't know!
(...and it gets worse. Darkuroi summons two more Shadow Doubles, that of Mako and...Ryota?)
...
Hmph. Really? Why a Shadow Double of one of the All-Stars?
Darkuroi: ...I've already made a few Shadow Doubles of several snarky All-Stars. There's no need to create another one...gives me a headache.
Shadow!Mako: Ready to die?
Shadow!Ryota: Let's blow them up!
(Mao then senses the seriousness in the doubles' voices, and they continue to fight...)
Rika: So...where were we again? Oh, yeah!
We arrive at the Turboranger world, where Kiros and Shizuka are told of their mission. Namely, to team up with Yamimaru and Kilika. Why? There's a special festival, the Autumn Festival, and they need to create havoc and pain and crap.
Yeah, um...yes, it's true that Yamimaru and Kilika have spent years being prejudiced by humankind. But I don't know, this is because I haven't seen Turboranger, but aren't those two...I don't know, not out-and-out villains? Seriously, one singular glance at their backstories, and I find that sort of thing very intriguing.
Of course, I'm Miss Redemption, soooo...
Oh, and RINO adds that Kimberly must be studied. Why? To see if she'll serve her well.
(Rika buries her face with a pillow and screams in it)
...I swear to God. When I reach Chapter 33...fuck, I don't know if I can survive through that!
Anyway...RINO isn't the only villain thinking about a Villainous Crush. Guess who's thinking about the same thing? Fuckin' Kiros, that's who! And he's thinking about Mako!
(Rika rubs her forehead)
...and after a scene with RINO thinking about Kimberly...for the love of God, enough of this shit!...we get back to the Turborangers' time, where the Autumn Festival is kinda underway. And we meet our titular heroes: Riki (Red Turbo), Daichi (Black Turbo), Yohei (Blue Turbo), Shunsuke (Yellow Turbo), and Haruna (Pink Turbo). Then we see the teacher berating Yohei and Riki for failing another math test again. And...
- Ms. Yamaguchi: "At least Riki's trying to improve his grades even if he's got his problems to deal with!"
Granted, Shunsuke did speak up that Riki's trying, but still...damn.
...also. Something that's worth pointing out. During the scene, Haruna's being rather sweet towards Riki. Considering the already-slew of shipping in this damn fic, I truly have nothing to say.
After a scene where Tommy and Kimberly talk about flowers, we cut to the Violent Demon Palace. There, Yamimaru and Kilika think about killing Ragorn off, but then, they see Kiros and Shizuka. And yes, the latter does say "Pepepetopet". And apparentally, she says it in every single chapter.
...and yes, even though it seems like a Verbal Tic in this fic, it still doesn't make any sense. (And wasn't she supposed to be cold and brainwashed, anyway?)
So we get another usual "two villain groups fight and make a deal" scene. Only this time...see something else that's familiar?
- Zulten: "A proposal? We've got enough of that!"Ragorn: "Silence fatso!"
Really familiar?
- Ragorn: "You were always a bigger coward. It would have been better if you also died with Zimba, Jarmin and Rehda as well. At least Rehda gave his life in battle."
Really, really familiar? Ah, fuck it, might as well say it now instead of prolonging it: it's now time for "let's bash the shit out of a hated character in a damn fanfic!"
Only this time...yes, Zulten is rather hated. Why? He managed to last the rest of the series. While this would be praised, keep in mind that yes, he's a Dirty Coward. So yeah. But seriously, to say that he would have died as well? Dude, isn't that a little harsh?
Zulten begs to his master to give him a chance, but...Ragorn beats the shit out of him. Good...God. (facepalms) And yes, the whole "the leader wishes Zulten died" thing is repeated once again.
The other important thing—actually, wait, no. It's already stated in the Author's Note, but...
...
At the risk of my own redundancy...ladies and gentlemen, our Monster of the Arc, Bloom Bouma. The ripoff of Bloom of Doom from Hell.
And speaking of ripoffs, redundancies, and other crap like that, guess who decides to do yet a-fucking-nother "divide and conquer" strategy? Kiros, that's who! We get some scenes of the Turborangers noticing deadly dust from flowers, Yamimaru and Kilika showing up, and Tommy's team fighting against Kiros and Shizuka. Actually, scratch the last part, Tommy and an unmorphed Kimberly (!) fight against Kiros and Shizuka.
...
Okay, why the hell is Kimberly fighting out of suit? Aside from showing off aerobic moves? And...(groans loudly)..."a battle of wits"?
Cut to the Turborangers, and Bloom Bouma releases pollen. This weakens the heroes, and Bloom Bouma reveals that they'll blow up as soon as it gets the deadly pollen. Yes. Seriously. I just...
(Rika shakes her head)
(at the fight...)
Shadow!Xander: What's wrong, Dan? Scared to actually fight me?
Dan: No. I'm not afraid.
(If only there was a weakness...)
(Shadow!Xander releases an Energy Ball, striking Dan, and Shadow!Ryota slashes the actor with his Dark Gokai Sabre. Meanwhile, Mao, despite being outnumbered, tries to slash at Shadow!Tori and Shadow!Mako...but this time, these shadows don't take damage!)
Mao: What the?!
Darkuroi: Remember the last fight against your friends' doubles? Let's just say that I've learned my lesson. My powers are stronger, better...you cannot just pierce them through with simple weapons.
(Mao looks at Dan)
Dan: I hate it when he's so cryptic like that...
Mao: Likewise! You don't think...
Dan: ...I think it's time to take this joker down. Mao, try defeating Darkuroi. I'll handle the doubles.
(Mao nods, and she strikes at Darkuroi)
Darkuroi: HEY! Now that wasn't fair!
Mao: How about if you stop hiding in the shadows?
<...God, that sounded lame.>
Darkuroi: Maybe I will!
(and so, Mao and Darkuroi fight against one another, whereas Dan...)
Dan: Hopefully this works. (he uses his arm like a cannon and releases an Energy attack out of his hand. It forms a glowing ball, striking at Shadow!Ryota)
Awesome!
(he continues to fight, using energy-based attacks that I'm now too lazy to describe)
Rika: So, when we arrive back to Tommy's team (and yes, I know this now because we have at least one person who isn't named either "Tommy" or "Kimberly" in this scene), Kiros and Shizuka are defeated. Masumi then realizes what we already know, and Tommy confirms it.
- Tommy: "It's an old but effective technique done by the enemies."
Pfft—BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, right! The several times I've seen them do it, it always ends up in an epic fail!
When they see the explosions, Tommy's team rushes to the Turborangers. And...oy. Skipping the whole "hey, does that look familiar?" bullshit, the first team shoots Bloom Bouma, making sure the Turborangers recover. After they shoot, the two teams retreat.
After a scene with Tommy's team explaining to the Turborangers that yes, they're from the future, we see the villains plotting. Yamimaru asks if he can use the bomb now, but Kiros tells him not to yet. They'll use a melon bomb, and they need negative energies for it to grow. And how do they achieve that?
A depression syndrome via the pollen. I...am dead serious.
(Rika taps her fingers)
Sadness...causing a plant to grow...which causes destruction. Naaaaaah.
The villains decide to rethink their "divide-and-conquer" strategy (it's just as simple as literally splitting everyone up! That would equal instant doom!), and the Turborangers go off scouting once more. They see Bloom Bouma, spreading grief.
...
(Rika exhales)
No. I'm not going to make a joke on this one, either.
The Turborangers point out the flippin' obvious, and so they fight. Turns out that Bloom Bouma has a hidden ace up her sleeve (is that how it goes?), and she, too, states the obvious for her plan.
- Bloom Bouma: "Well then, you see I have my other powers to bloom depression in people to trigger a powerful seed to grow into tremendous size. But where it is, you cannot find it."
...
Don't you just love it when villains tell heroes their plans?
And then...cue a Shocking Swerve. For Bloom Bouma has her other power revealed. Some-fucking-how, she has a pocket dimension, and she transports the Turborangers to it.
...
(Rika headdesks)
That was never hinted before! How the hell does she even have the power? And yeah, I haven't seen Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers in, like, forever, but...
(she is just flustered)
But anyway. Tommy's team tries to find Kiros and Shizuka, until deadly vines show up. More talking occurs, and then they free the civilians. They try to talk to the Turborangers, but they don't get a signal whatsoever. Kimberly remembers her own ordeal with a pocket dimension, and just when things look grim, enter Kiros and Shizuka, stage left.
And with even more fucking repetition, stating that it's just straight-up ill-timing. Seriously.
The villains tell Kimberly that RINO has something special for her. (Rika buries her face with her hands, just trying not to cry) They strike up a bargain: the "heroes" must surrender the Pink Ranger, and they'll give them the friends back. And if there's one thing I've learned in, say, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, it's that the whole bargain like that is always bullshit.
And just when things look even bleaker, guess who saves the day. No, seriously, you have three guesses, and the first two don't count.
...
The secret scouts, S!Takeru and Mako.
(Rika headdesks)
Seriously?! A fucking Deus ex Machina like that?! Of all the chapters, this has got to be the one with the most damn Ass Pulls! Ever!
Kiros is excited for his chance to kill S!Takeru and take Mako all for himself. I hate to say this, but this guy is just a damn creeper. In fact, if you inject the bitchfits, Kiros would be about the same as RINO.
...can I call this guy KINO, Kiros In Name Only?
...also...can I just say this right here?
- Kiros: "Well Takeru, I might as well fight you now in the place of Red Mask. You're my obstacle to getting Mako who however isn't frozen in ice like my last conquest."
...
Who in the hell speaks like that? It's just too wordy, and too Info Dump-y. Also, it doesn't make any sense, considering that, first of all, Iyal is no longer frozen in ice. And secondly? NEITHER IS FUCKING MAKO!
(Rika pants)
As it turns out, the reason why S!Takeru and Mako are there is because they need to stop the "divide-and-conquer" bullshit. One would think that there would be a villain Genre Savvy enough to realize, "you know, that is totally not working out for us. Maybe we should, like, think of a new strategy. Namely, one that isn't cliched."
S!Takeru orders Tommy's team to look for the Turborangers, and they head off. The former and Mako transform into their Sentai Warrior forms, and they fight. NEXT!
Meanwhile, Leo is trying to find the Turborangers, until Tommy's team meets up with him. Leo tells them and explains what's going on. And it turns out that he's sent as "a test of abilities". The thing is...the explanation, from both him and Tommy's team, is shit we already know. Except for the part where the bombs would go off at juuuuuust the right temperature. They decide to find the monster, if they didn't already.
And so, our chapter ends with...waaaaaaait a second.
- "As they were speaking, Bloom Bouma's disaster had begun to cause people in the city to grow vines out of their body, they were now in constant depression."
...oh, my God. Perhaps they were lying about the bombs thing all along. Perhaps they took a page from Kyubey, and as the people are depressed all the damn time, perhaps they would be turned into Witches!
...
First off, yes, I know it doesn't make any sense. Secondly, it had to be done. 29 chapters in, almost 6/7ths of the way done, and I finally make a half-baked Madoka Magica reference. Go, me.
(...yeah, it should go without saying that Rika's reaaaaaally drunk right about now)
While Kilika guesses (seriously) that if they get more power, they'd overthrow Ragorn, huge melon bombs grow out. The Turborangers are still caught in the dimension, and they're probably doomed.
...welp, that was very underwhelming! But the good news is...six more chapters left to go.
(Rika drinks until she falls asleep...again)
(at the end of the battle, Mao and Darkuroi continue to clash at each other, until the latter shoots a Shadow Ball at the former, making her fall)
Mao: Ugh! (lands, and then she stands up)
Darkuroi: ...what?!
Mao: ...I think it's time to pull out the stops. (prepares her Gokai Gun and Gokai Sabre) GOKAI BLAST AND SLASH!
(by using the weapons together, Mao executes a powerful blast and slash at the same time, defeating Darkuroi. With it, the shadows fade, the master dead, only a stone with the symbol for his element left behind)
...Dan, are you all right?
Dan: Never better! (gives her a thumbs-up) And thanks for saving my ass.
Mao: It's nothing. But...we have one final dungeon left. And then, we'll see if we can save the other Scouts.
(the two walk over to the final dungeon door...but then, the floor starts to break underneath Dan)
DAN! (she rushes to save him)
Dan: Oh, fu—
(he tries to run, but then, he falls down as the floor crumbles. Mao is shaking, the only surviving Scout left)
Mao: ...
(she then tries to calm down)
...Radiguet. This time...you've gone too far. I'll take you down myself if I have to!
Will Mao survive the final dungeon? What will happen to Dan now? And will Rika get through the second part of the Turboranger "tribute"?
Emergency Signal; Now, Forward! To the next liveblogging of Super Sentai vs. Power Rangers!!
Comments
. Make of that what you will.
And I don't think it's '90s Nickelodeon series. It's stuff like VicTORIous, iCarly, Spongebob Squarepants, and the like.
