Revive the Dead! Return To Mobius!!
When we last left off the fanfiction, it actually decided to improve its quality. There are only two parts left so let’s see if it falls apart within them.
Part Ten Of Eleven
We go back to Japan where... Ah yes! I was wondering when this guy would show up! This is Molly’s Boyfriend, Nephrite. He’s Back from the Dead
, but he’s no Zitkor robot. Some cosmos thing (The author?) tells him that it’s not his time to go yet as his redemption earned him a new lease on life
. Nephrite asks why not some other youma, and the Cosmos tells him that unlike the other youma, Nephrite is not a Monster of the Week
. Okay, that’s not completely true, but it’s possibly the best way I can sum it up. Nephrite is then given a heart, because apparently, Negaversians lack hearts, and this is why he’s being revived, because it’s not his time, especially after he just got a human heart. He is then sent back to Earth and we have another car misspelling (Fararri as opposed to Ferrari) Nephrite asks why he has a heart.
: A human heart? Come now, I'm an alien being from another phracking dimension. What could quite possibly give me a human heart?
... This again? It’s never established that the Negaverse was some alien force. That would be Alan and Ann, whose theme naming spells out Alien. The Negamoon Family are more alien than Nephrite. Okay, I’m sure Alien as in not from Earth *
, but my brain interprets aliens as monsters, not humans. I know there’s the Human Aliens
trope, but my brain never clicks on that image when it hears aliens. The Cosmos simply say Molly and that’s it.
Moving on, Nephrite then seeks to have his motivation be revenge against the Negaverse for killing him. Oh, and to find Molly. He then has a vision of Molly being chased by a Monster of the Week
. She then gets confronted by Zoisite. Wait... I thought Davey murdered Zoisite. So... Another retcon
? At least I can support it, I mean, I want to pretend the Davinator Incident never happened too. Oh, and the fic’s one-step closer to spelling frak right, all they need to do is drop the C. Zoisite tried to drain her energies, but she’s a little dry at the moment as it turns out that Molly was very depressed after Nephrite’s death. You know, the kind of depression in which she needed to have treatments for in order to prevent herself from being Driven to Suicide
. That’s pretty accurate. More than accurate in fact. This is stepping into Dark Fic
kinds of accurate.
: BAH! You're not even worth a good screw!
... WHAT? Okay, for the sake of my sanity, I’ll ignore that.
So Nephrite attacks Zoisite, and Zoisite, to my dismay, references the Davinator Incident, which means that he got better
from the incident. And they’re going with that whole Zoisite tried to make Davey gay thing. Dear God... Forgetting that, Nephrite kicks Zoisite’s ass and it is an utter Crowning Moment of Awesome
He then takes care of Molly. The two talk about Nephrite’s predicament, with Nephrite being reminded of The Crow
. How he knows of that movie and how he was able to watch it in Japan is beyond me. He could have said YuYu Hakusho
, which had a similar premise, but no. The Japanese character references something American for no reason other than Author Appeal
. Ironically, he’s reminding me more of All Dogs Go to Heaven
. No, think about it, this guy cheats death after being screwed over by his trusted allies, and when he comes back, seeks revenge against them. Along the way, he picks up a small girl who he takes care of. The only difference is that Nephrite isn’t a Jerkass
. Oh, and Molly doesn’t really show a lot of “OMG! YOU’RE BACK FROM THE DEAD
! YAY!” and instead she’s mostly like “Oh, cool. You’re alive. Sweet.” This is a girl who became depressed
until the end of season 1 because this guy died, and according to the fic, it’s the therapist-or-suicide kind, and all she can muster up is “Oh, wow, your back”! A little more excitement would be nice! Maybe a “I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!” would work. Anyways, Nephrite tells her that she can become a Sailor Scout and promptly turns her into one, complete with Justin-style
aging. He then notices Davey in his visions.
Speaking of Davey, let’s focus on him. Davey and the others are testing out the new Battle Mechs. Nothing really important to note. Then Rey asks what Davey’s deal with Zoisite was... NOOOOOO! GOD! NO GOD PLEASE, NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOO-
And so Davey talks about how Zoisite traumatized him and how his life in middle school sucked because of it. And everyone buys his story. His story is summed up as “everyone made fun of me” and this apparently excuses him of murdering tons of innocents because of their preference. I understand why he tried to kill Zoisite
, but why did he have to try to harm the other people, even when earlier he non-lethally incapacitated the Blue Ribbon protesters? The only logical thing is if he actually knocked them out with the card. If that was the case, then sure, that would be okay. There’s still a little problem with buying that he’s the victim. Ever hear of He Who Fights Monsters
? I hope that this is the last we’ll hear about this topic because I really want to drop this subplot. I don’t mind Zoisite vs. Davey, but I’d probably change the reason why he wants him dead... maybe he killed his family? Yes, that’s generic as all hell, but at least it’s not unfortunate.
And then Luna opens her lid on the racist undertones. We got out of one can of worms and into the other. Really, I want to stop reading right here. Most of this has just degraded into a soapbox. David is only writing this now as an outlet for his revenge on nearly everyone he hates. Heck, the Piasa Monster story’s antagonist was based off his teacher who gave him an F on his race relations report. The only thing separating him from Christian Chandler is that at least he tries to focus back on the actual story rather than hog the spotlight and rant on nearly everything he hates. That and he doesn’t have a Wikipedia devoted to every single epic fail he ever had.
Anyways, they travel to CWC and the gang are preparing in their own way. Amy Pond
is fixing the TARDIS. Raye is napping. Minako is gaming. Lita is cooking. Serena is keeping up with the times. Luna and Artemis also nap, and Darien does something non-dickish this time and drives for Davey while he dearchives the memories in his head.
He then recalls his life on Mobius and recalls his desire to live there. He decides to contact Queen Kitsune again. Kitsune says that the dearchiving will take a while, but in the meantime, he should share the memories with Serena. And he does so... resulting in them going to Mobius... Okay then. Serena then meets Sonic and she gushes about him. Okay, I will admit, Sonic is a Japanese work, so it gets a pass. Oh, and Sonic compares her to Sally Moon. That’s a little funny...
So we’re done with this part. Next part is the finale.
Worthy of note: even Encyclopedia Dramatica took a break from the dick jokes and swearing to point out how utterly stupid it was that the Sailor Senshi, who have lesbian members, would support David's homophobia.
In the original, Beryl and the generals were humans from Earth like Prince Endymion (Darien's past life). The dub confused things by adding in the "other dimension" stuff. Nonetheless, I'd rather see a fanfic involving Nephrite and Naru/Molly than more of...Davey's issues with gay people. As someone who was also regularly bullied in high school for being perceived as gay (I'm bisexual, actually), you have problems when you're in your twenties and still raging about this stuff. You really have problems when you decide it's a good reason to hate homosexuals.