Okay, so Daisy and Latoya both get all indignant up in Latawnya's face because she was a naughty horse and did. Come on, now. We all know that Latawnya's major character trait is that she is an enormous tool and can't resist doing whatever other people are doing.
Anyway, Connie decides that she isn't happy just making Latawnya get sick from nondescript smokable drug smoke. She wants her sisters to get sick from nondescript smokable drug smoke, too. When they refuse, she gets over it and walks away says the following:
"You are square STOP
You are square? Let me reiterate one crucial fact. This was published in the nineties. Now let me relay unto you, the reader, my findings. This book was written in the seventies. Maybe the late sixties. Let's be honest, when was the last time you heard someone call someone else square. Movies and other media don't count, it has to be the last time you ACTUALLY heard someone say it to someone else in real fucking life. Not in any joking way, or anything like that. Person A has to unironically call Person B a square.
This book is fucked.
So Daisy and Latoya tell Connie and her friends that they don't want to "be with them" because smoking and drinking are bad for you. In other news: The sky is blue, air is required for breathing, and I hate this book. So Latoya and Daisy drag Latawnya, who I presume is probably face down in a pool of her own vomit, because that's what all the other people who OD do, away and tell her that they are going to tell their parents about everything that has happened. Latawnya cries and begs her sisters to not tell on her, because that's what all the other children who have done something wrong but don't want to get in trouble do.
But they do tattle and their parents are both "happy and sad". I can only imagine the bizarre facial expressions that the illustrator could've put in for that. They were happy because Daisy and Latoya didn't smoke nondescript smokable drugs and drink alcohol. They were sad because Latawnya was a naughty horse.
Let me reiterate the title of this book: Latawnya the NAUGHTY HORSE Learns to Say No to Drugs. She's naughty. It's basically her second defining character trait. If she's not copying someone else, she's off doing shit her parents don't approve of. She's like the poorly drawn horse version of a stereotypical hipster. If her parents didn't know that they had a problem child on their hands then they clearly need to have horse-child services called on them, because they are definitely not paying enough attention.
But yeah, the book tells us once again that drugs are bad. No pothole necessary there, we've already covered this EIGHT MILLION TIMES. Mother horse and Father horse recall a horse who OD'd and, what do you know, there's a horse lying (practically) face down in a pool of (what I presume to be) its own vomit. I frickin' knew it. Latawnya got her inspiration from someone she hadn't even met before. Damn, that is some dedication. She is such a tool that she can copy stuff she just hears about to the smallest detail. Father horse laments that "If only he had listened to me, he would be alive today. I told him to stop taking drugs because drugs can kill."
CLEARLY HE WAS NOT FOR REAL.
But seriously, there goes Mrs. (I read the back, she's married, which means she can reproduce) Gibson with her blanket accusation that EVERY drug EVER can kill. There are also mystical little things called pharmaceutical drugs which ALLEVIATE ILLNESSES. Woman, learn yourself some drug facts.
Screw it, we're finishing this today. Let's press forward.
Latawnya then confers to her parents that she learned that drugs are bad (surprise!) and that she doesn't know what getting high means. She says that the horses should have probably said getting low.
Excuse me for a moment.
(several slamming noises can be heard in the distance)
Okay, I'm better now. Latawnya swears off drugs forever and her parents are happy that she learned to say "no way" to drugs. And they all lived happily ever HOLD THE FUCK UP.
Look at THAT FACE. Page 28. Oh my god that is hilarious.
Okay, I'm done now.
On the back cover, there's a brief biography of Mrs. Gibson. She would like to thank God.
"Thank you, God."
Clearly, this is Old Testament!God we're talking about. The less aggressive New Testament!God wouldn't wish this upon Satan. But then again, it was my choice to do this. It's really no one's fault but my own that I sat through this.
Sheeeit.
This has been "Let's Read Latawnya the Naughty Horse Learns to Say No to Drugs" and my god... just... what.
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